He will go days without talking to me but then introduces me to his parents


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This topic contains 3 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Ianhe 1 month, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #929896 Reply

    Sarah

    So this guy and I have been seeing each other for two months. He is doing everything right in terms of taking me out on nice dates etc. and in the way beginning he would text me every single day but after about two weeks of that now he kind of only text me to make plans. I think he’s getting a little comfortable because he is still taking me out on dates but now it’s more where it’s once every 10 days versus once or twice a week. For example we went 10 days without seeing eachother but then he calls me up to see if I want to go to dinner and be introduced to his parents? But then he will go days without texting me. I don’t know if he is being hot and cold because maybe he is unsure about what he wants or he is trying to take it slow? One thing that did bother me was last Thursday I texted him asking when we would see each other again he told me we could this weekend. I told him that that sounds good and to let me know. So it’s Saturday around 5 PM and I still haven’t heard from him so I made my own plans. I was at a bar and I posted on my story my location. He ended up then calling me because he was at the same location as me (he was pretty intoxicated) and we ended up meeting up that night and we went on a really nice date. The date was super romantic and I had an amazing time but it also bothered me that it took him figuring out that I was at the same bar as him to make plans? It’s confusing because I don’t know what’s going on but I also feel like it’s a pretty big deal that he wanted me to meet his parents?

    #929897 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    It’s not always a big deal for someone to introduce you to their parents. I was dating a guy years ago who took me to a family BBQ early on (like within the first few weeks of dating). I took it as a sign he was really into me, I mean who takes a girl they’re not serious about to a family BBQ? He dumped me a short while later to get back with an ex.

    So you never know what’s going through someone’s head. I have friends that are very casual about introducing their parents, or kids, etc to people they’re casually dating. I myself would never do that, but some do.

    So I wouldn’t take it as a big statement on his feelings that he wants you to meet his parents. It’s significant for many people (myself included), probably most people– but not everyone.

    I think it’s more telling that you’ve been dating 2 months and he’s slowed down the texting and the dates. Seeing someone only every 10 days after 2 months of dating, is a huge red flag that they’re not serious. Going days without texting/calling someone you’ve been dating for months (even just to say hi) is a sign they’re not serious. Two months in should be the honeymoon period, and he should be escalating his contact with you if he’s serious about you.

    The story you told about the bar was awful! It was a Saturday night, he had said he’d make plans with you that weekend, but didn’t– and instead he wound up in a bar drunk without you? Again, a sign that this guy does not see you as serious girlfriend material. If you were that to him, you’d be on his mind, he’d be contacting you, and he’d be wanting to see you– not out getting drunk without you. The fact that you had a “nice date” without him in the end means nothing. You can have a nice time with someone but still not see them a serious girlfriend.

    #929901 Reply

    Maddie

    Early dating (before official bf/gf labels) is supposed to be a time that you gauge whether or not a guy is right for you. It’s not just about winning the guy over and worrying if he’s into you. He doesn’t contact or act consistently with you, and it’s making you feel confused and uncomfortable — for good reason! That may be your gut saying he’s not a good match, as much as you’re looking at the potential and want and hope for a connection to work. It’s okay if you want a consistent partner who sees you 1-3 times a week after 2 months and contacts you more days than not. Liz is absolutely right that on his end if he were serious, contact and dates and investment should be escalating over time and picking up inertia, not slowing down. If they’re not, he’s either not that serious or not that capable of showing up as a good boyfriend at this point in his life.

    While you had a nice date, he was already drunk. That reeks of disrespect and being reactionary (you were literally in front of him so he actually reached out because it involved no planning effort on his part). He doesn’t sound like he’s serious relationship material right now, especially since he’s trying to introduce you to his parents even though you’re not official and the relationship you have with him isn’t on solid footing, so it’s a little strange when you haven’t “earned” it as a couple yet and reflects how inconsistently all over the place he is. And it may be as other posters said, that family introductions are no big deal to him. But it doesn’t sound like you’re particularly satisfied with how he is and you should consider if you want to be dating him or can find a better match for yourself who makes you feel good and doesn’t make you question if he’s into you or not.

    #929919 Reply

    Ianhe

    How old are you two?

    Agree completely with the others here. In fact, I’d consider it strange, not having contacted you for 10 days he invited to meet this parents!

    In addition, no way would I have met up with him on that Saturday, given he hadn’t made any plans (which you had to prompt him for in the first place!) in the first instance and more especially since he was intoxicated. This is giving him the completely wrong message indeed. No incentive to step-up his game! Being overly-available is never a good move.

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