He texted straight after the date but didn't ask for a second date

I got from your post –

He lives in another city and wanted to meet up with someone for dinner and drinks.

He was just up for meeting people for company not a relationship or even sex.

Hes an uber driver? And lives in another city? Doesn’t make sense. Just leave it its a date..you had an experience and it was positive. Men don’t usually like long distance..maybe he’ll contact you if not who cares and go on another date! With a new person

Heather,

We will never be able to tell you why he is doing what he is doing. But we can tell you that you are way over invested with this amount of concern over a dude you met with once. When dating, best to not care about what he does, does not do at all until a man is your boyfriend, it is called giving 0 F’s. Do not fall for the shy line. Either he is shy and therefore you would have to do the heavy lifting, yuck. Or he is not, and is like many other shy men who still end up with girlfriends. You know nothing about this man, so best not to care.

It’s only been 3 days!! I had some really great dates with guys I met online who where “long distance” which I define as an hour or more away. It would never last for more than a few weeks or months simply because we were both trying to juggle full time jobs, child custody schedules, and social lives with family and friends. Plus a 2-3 hour round trip to see each other meant it was usually exclusively reserved for weekends.

The connection would have to be amazing, out of this world, love at first sight for a guy to want to deal with a relationship starting off long distance. I would not text him. It was after midnight so certainly he didn’t expect you to stay up all night and text with him. And by the way a “hi” text is so lame! If you’re going to text a guy at least make it something interesting he would respond to. But as you said, when you text a guy instead of him showing the interest and texting you first it usually doesn’t end up the way you want.

So try something different this time, go back online and meet another guy to go out with who is closer and meets you and wants to see you again right away!!

Hi All. Ok wow, some strong opinions. I don’t meet many people that I really like and connect with and where I think they like me too. Maybe 1 or 2 dates a year, and this was one of those, which is why I asked this question. I wasn’t going to text ‘hi” literally – I was going to ask him if he’d ended up going hiking. He said he was shy and introverted but was good at hiding it. I’m the same, so I get that. I read that he might not be super confident. There is a difference to not knowing someone at all and inviting them to dinner (you don’t know them, don’t care if you get turned down) to meeting them and liking them, asking them out and being turned down (higher stakes). He wanted to go for a walk after dinner and I ended the date instead, he asked if I wanted to share his Uber to my car and I said no, in the texting he seemed to be trying to keep the conversation going (he also was worried I’d thought he was arrogant because he thought his city was superior for food/wine etc), and I was the one to end the text conversation. I just wondered if I hadn’t given him signs that I was interested enough for him to brave asking me out again. I don’t think I will know… Thanks!

In my experience with online dating, if they do not schedule a second date within a day or two, it’s not worth following up. Usually men have a lot of options, they’ll do a “check in” post date to see if you have interest, then they go on a few dates with other women and pop up again down the road. If those dates don’t yield anything or you are still a top pick, they will reach out again.

100% of my dates text me post date and let me know they had a good time. Like 20% ask me out again immediately.

I think men just like knowing they “did good” on a date and those post date texts are no indication of ongoing interest unless they include a plan for a future date.

I like Tallspicy’s idea. An early New Year’s wish. Maybe say happy New Year and ask, “How was the hiking”? That will give him a greater opportunity to ask questions back, if he’s so inclined. If he doesn’t, keep the conversation very short.

I disagree with the new year eve post. To me it’s pathetic. Pretending to send an innocent or polite text.

It’s so obvious the text is saying, notice me, I’m waiting. Pathetic. That is my opinion. Then you wait for a reply.

If it was really a nye wish, you would not be waiting for a reply.

Heather I would not send a Happy New Year’s text. Make him think you are not available and are out partying, having an amazing time! Maybe even that you have a date for tonight. I hate when women try to use the excuse a guy is shy for why he hasn’t contacted them. Technology has made it so easy for a guy to text you to ask you out that the days of face to face embarrassment are virtually long gone! If he can ask you out for a first date he can ask you out for a second. Don’t make excuses like it’s harder to ask for a 2nd date!!!

At first I thought his reply to Heather’s New Year message WAS him showing interest. I am not so sure now.
Women should write the following on a leaf of sticky pad and stick it to their fridge door.
Men don’t do gushing, fawning and emotional verbal excitement. Like ‘OMG I totally feel a deep connection with you on every physical, psychological and emotional level!!’. So don’t expect him to talk like your best girlfriend or an effeminate homosexual.
Does he spend time with you? Does he remember what you tell him,the small as well as the big? Does he perform unexpected acts of kindness towards you? These are the things to look out for.

I agreed with Tallspicy in that this type of response indicates he’s not interested. He was polite and echoed my message but didn’t engage. Didn’t ask me anything or try to keep the conversation going. Could have easily asked lots of things, like “What are you up to tonight?” or “Any new year’s resolutions?” etc or even made some other comment that might keep conversation going.