This topic contains 3 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by redcurleysue 1 week, 6 days ago.
March 24, 2020 at 7:11 pm #788244
Hi all I hope you can help xx we had an argument over text as I was upset with him not calling me on nye… it was a build up of feeling discontent generally .. and he said if that’s how you really feel there no future for us… I regret being harsh but he hasn’t changed his position… I was getting more upset and creating little arguments and over time he got worn out to the point he said he became burnt out…
Even with this going on and on the good days he always said he loved me and never loved anyone more… but having read the articles on here I wonder if I just wasn’t making him feel like a ‘winner’ with too much negativity and like he can’t do enough…
I’m really confused because he says he loves me and always will but doesn’t want to be in a relationship and hasn’t got the energy to fix it… he’s also been struggling with feeling good about his work situation and has been trying to get a good job for sometime… and when I bring up perhaps getting back together he just says that he needs to get his life in order and he says when I get through this ‘I’m not sure how I’ll feel’
I wish I could decode it all, he’s sure he doesn’t want a relationship right now and he’s seeing the benefits of being able to focus on work and get things back together… but I think he sees me as emotionally challenging so I wonder if he’ll ever ‘risk’ being with me again because he did see me as a big unpredictable… So although he says he’s never loved anyone more I wonder if I should keep hope that in future when both he and I are more together we will work or that our feelings will fade over time… I e been through a dreadful time but am coming out the other side nowMarch 24, 2020 at 9:28 pm #788264
Keep going until you completely come out on the other side of your troubled times and unhappiness. You’ll be much happier if you do than if you stumble around through a cave with your candle growing dimmer with every hour that passes.
I don’t know you, so I can’t tell you if you’re REALLY too “emotionally challenging” – or even what he defines as “emotionally challenging,” but reading between the lines in your post, it seems to me that a) you are too whatever-he-considers-challenging and he’s not interested enough to try to understand/adjust to your ways and personality or b) he’s not interested but doesn’t want to be the heavy, so he’s saying that you’re too “emotionally challenging” (whether it’s true or not) so he can get rid of you without having to admit that he’s not interested in continuing to see you.
Even if you ARE “emotionally challenging,” there’s a guy out there for you. My husband and I had a friend who wanted someone to run his life; he’d call up every day and say, “What are we doing tonight?” If we had had texting, Facebook and all the apps you have today, he would’ve wanted a girl who sent him texts all during the day, monitored his Facebook and do whatever else is done on all the other apps out there.
(NOTE: I’m NOT saying you did all those things. I’m just saying this is what he would have been comfortable with.)
We introduced him to my husband’s sister – and he has now been happily bossed around by her for almost 40 years.
If you’re satisfied with the way you are, wait for your own Hal (our friend).
If you think you have a few personality issues you’d be like to address, take a vacation from dating, see a good therapist and work them out before you get back into the dating market.
Whichever way you choose to go, I wish you luck, I hope you figure out what you want from life – and most of all, I hope you find it.March 25, 2020 at 9:57 am #788278
First of all, it’s a huge myth that love is enough to sustain a relationship. You need many more things like compatibility, trust, respect, communication, faithfulness and common goals. If you weren’t content in the relationship and were picking little fights and creating arguments all the time it gets exhausting. And when a man gets to the point he feels like nothing he does makes you happy he will get burnt out and leave. He doesn’t see a future with you and doesn’t have the energy to keep on having these petty arguments anymore. I can’t blame him. I mean it’s the end of March and you’re still bent out of shape because he didn’t call New Year’s Eve?
A relationship shouldn’t add to your stress. If he’s telling you he feels relieved to just be focusing on work right now and not dealing with a relationship which is emotionally challenging you need to listen to that. A relationship isn’t always going to be roses and rainbows but it’s also not always going to be emotionally draining. If it is then you’re with the wrong person, whether you love them or not.March 25, 2020 at 10:07 pm #788319
He has never loved anyone more – yes, that is good but not enough to make a relationship. Always watch a man’s actions (texting does not count) to see who he is. Go from there.