He says he misses me but doesn't take my calls.

I would be super leery! Too many *flags* waving around, and you really need to scope him out in person, with NO SEX or heavy petting, until you’ve had ample enough time to see if his WORDS + ACTIONS = THE TRUTH.

Men are the ‘action orientated’ specie, women are the “communication orientated” specie, so you have to very carefully watch, listen and observe men to see if their words and actions both mesh up on a regular and consistent basis before you can know if they are being truthful with you. When or if he arrives, watch his phone patterns, see if he picks up calls when out and about, and if he has to leave you to take it, because he is most likely doing this with just you, and may have a girlfriend, so be very suspicious of this one.

Men also do not seek relationships, they seek companionship, so be very leery that he’s not looking at you as a temporary fun fling, if that’s not what you’re looking for. By keeping sex off the table you are able to judge him more clearly than when your heads clouded up with ocytocin, serotonin—the same hormones that bonds a woman to her child, its very powerful stuff! Keeping your head clear will help you see if his words and actions are meshing up over a long period of time (at least a couple months) or if he’s a time waster. Trust me, if you don’t ‘put out’ and that’s what he’s looking for, then he’ll fade out quickly, which is the best way to weed men out before you get attached, especially through sex.

Again, for men ACTIONS matter far more than their words do. Always keep this in the forefront of your mind when dealing with men. Does he say what he’s going to do, or does what he says at least 95% of the time (have to leave a tiny bit of wiggle room)? Or is there a lot of mixed messages, excuses, and/or wishy-washy behavior (bails a lot, secretive, etc.)? If its the first then he just may be a *good man* (honest, trustworthy); if not he’s not looking to developing anything with you long-term. Dishonest men don’t commit; honest men, in most cases, will or do based on how well their experiences with you goes.

If he is not calling and just asking for selfies i’d be suspicious.

Yes distance yourslef.

Okay update:

Things are beginning to be.. slightly going south I would say. Let me know what you think.

So we are in communication and all but he still has this thing about him of not answering my calls. Already talked to him about this, this morning. He asked to see me this evening but I was working. He asked me if he can see me after work then. Said we can go for a midnight snack or whatever. I told him I get off at 11pm and tomorrow is my day off so i didn’t mind. I said I will call him when I’m leaving my work place. He said ok. During my shift he texted me “thinking of u” which was nice and I replied “same”. Once I got in my car this evening I called him to let him know I’m heading home (so I can put my car at my place and he can pick me up. That’s what we agreed) but when i called no answer. I got home and called him twice still no answer. I left him a message that I’m home what’s up? And no response. I know for a fact he doesn’t sleep early. So this not answering my calls or at least letting me know what’s going on is really getting on my nerves. I even told him earlier that I feel like I’m the one chasing him when he makes me call him like this. He didn’t exactly respond to that directly but he did apologized. However, we just spoke about this today and yet here we are again.

I’m not sure I should rule him out yet as he is great otherwise. Like I dont need to be in constant communication in fact we barely talk on the phone, everything is said in person ever since he got back but in situation like this when i need to know things and he is unreachable it’s turning me off. Makes me think he’s not anticipated at all to seize my time. Like if he was watching the time by now he would have realize he needs to check his phone or something.

It’s been an hour since I got home and still no response whatsoever. Am I overthinking this? :(

I would be pretty furious if a guy made a date with me (yes, you had a date) and then blew me off without explanation. You had confirmed plans. He asked to take you out after work, and you accepted. And once you get off work, he’s nowhere to be found.

A guy who wants a relationship with you would not do that to you. At bare minimum, if there were some emergency, he would contact you to apologize and explain. I would be very suspicious of this guy when (not if) he reaches out to you with some excuse (“I fell asleep….” He should not have fallen asleep if he had a date with you at 11 pm! He should have been wide awake and excited to see you).

Your gut is telling you something is off with this guy, or you wouldn’t be here posting about it. I don’t think you’re overthinking it at all. I think you should listen to your gut.

He didn’t even apologize, wow….yeah I figured he’d claim he fell asleep.

I do think he likes you. But I also strongly suspect he has a girlfriend or wife, to be completely honest. Why else would he not ever accept your phone calls and only communicate by text? He says he can’t take your calls because he’s “around his friends or at the mall”, do you know how ridiculous that is– why can’t he answer his phone at the mall, or in front of his friends?! Even if it’s just to say hello and that he’ll call you back?

Of course we don’t really know what his problem is, but the point is, his behavior is not the behavior of a man who is willing or able to date you. Sorry to be blunt but I get the feeling he is using you as an ego boost, keeping you on the hook, but doesn’t have any intention of being serious with you. Don’t believe his words! Believe his actions.

Have you gone to his place yet? Is it a pattern as to the day(s) and time he takes you out or sees you? And the days he’s not accessible?

At this point I would do a little “investigating” to make sure he’s on the up and up before you proceed further. Sorry, but the *never* answering your calls is a five alarm fire alert! I would instantly be very suspicious of this behavior, and would need to clear it up before proceeding. I think its time you get to the truth.

Thank you Lane. I will follow your advice if he manages to get me to consider seeing the worth in giving him another chance. I haven’t been to his place yet because I wanted to keep sex off the table, but I know he has his own place.

This man has been telling me for months when he was abroad that he is coming for me when he gets home. Alas, he has indeed showed up, but he’s not coming through like a man that means business. After my failed relationships I no longer want less. I told him all of that. I dont want the damn moon but i sure as hell would want that in a partner to try because I would do the same too. He once told me my expectations are high, and I told him it’s not my expectations that are high, my standards are. (reasonable of course). He responded to that saying “Noted”. Maybe he was so use to have it easy with girls as he dated younger girls than me. (I’m 27 he is 29. We both dont have kids.) Surely picking up my calls are not hard!

After I texted him “its cool” he immediately asked me where I was and when do i work. Thinking that he asked me that to maybe think of a plan to make it up to me, i told him I’m home and i start 4am tomorrow. Then silence. I could just roll my eyes until it pops out of my face!!! I believe that if someone truly seriously wants this with you, you will not be confused, everything about them and their intentions will be clear. And I will stand by that.

I dont understand why you would text its cool when its not even close to cool. I think you have to face the fact that you got etethered, believing all the sweet stuff he told you for months and thats what got you hooked. So maybe he did show up, but like Anderson said: its all on his terms. I read on here so often a woman says she knows her worth and she wants to show him. Thats not getting it at all. If you know your worth you dont give timewaisters chance after chance. You say bye bye

I really hope you let go of this guy and move on. He’s made it clear he’s playing games with you. Please don’t listen to his words; look at his actions. He verbally expresses concern about “losing you” but then doesn’t bother replying to your text to set up a time to meet and talk! Not to mention, he shouldn’t be texting you about this, he should be TALKING, if not in person then at least over the phone. This is a classic e-tethering setup.

Not all guys who do this are in it for sex. It’s an ego boost to keep you on the hook. So just because he’s not pressuring you to have sex does not mean he’s a good guy.

I would strongly suggest you block his number so you’re not tempted to reply to any more of his texts.

I think you should meet up and have a good talk. Explain to him that not taking your calls, like never, made you super suspicious that you were hiding someone, like a GF or wife, so him not being fully transparent and open made you leery about his true intentions. Have a conversation in person, Hear each other out, then decide if you both can let your guards down enough to properly date or just be friends.