This topic contains 38 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Vera 1 month, 3 weeks ago.
December 1, 2019 at 12:54 am #779620
ANOTHER UPDATE: So we’ve been trying to arrange our busy lives to meet and then I get this text “😬😬😬 I had a crazy week. Busy with work and procrastinating my answer. Sorry about it. I don’t know how to really say this, but I met someone and I think this is taking my headspace at the moment. I received messages like this one in the past and I thought they were lame. And now I find myself doing this 😅 I just want to be honest; despite my terrible texting skills. You are cute and sweet :) we can hang out as friends?! (Sorry I’m not good at doing this)”. He’s being honest. I liked him. I have plenty of friends and this wasn’t a friendship. My question is; I want to keep a thread of contact just in case our circumstances change but not buddies. Do I reply and say ‘no worries, good luck and keep in touch’ or do I not reply at all. He’s Italian so my honesty and open vibe will be appreciated but I have to play it right so I’m not some romantic friends with benefits option. He’s bf material or nothing but I’m not sure how to respond if at all to his message. HELP!December 1, 2019 at 2:15 am #779622
Honestly , I’d just say don’t answer at all.
But if that’s not your style … just write back something like , no worries , sure we can be friends .
Then just leave it !!!!! Do not under any circumstances hang out with him as friends ever . If he asks to see you say you’re busy . He probably won’t even ask . If he does it’s because he feels bad and is trying to be nice . You weren’t friends with him before . There is no reason why you should be now .December 1, 2019 at 2:36 am #779623
I wouldn’t want to hang as friends ever. So I don’t really care if he would text to hang or not. We live in hectic London so I doubt we ever would. I’m trying to play a long game here. I may not be available if ever he is but I also want to leave the door open in a diplomatic not too available way that a guy undrstandsDecember 1, 2019 at 2:44 am #779624
You could say something like , thanks for your honesty. I have to admit I am bummed , since I feel we had a connection . But I definitely understand and wish you the best . I don’t think it makes sense for me to stay friends .
This way he knows you were into him and trust me .. if you made an impact on him as much as he did on you , he will come back if he wants to date . This is leaving the door open.December 1, 2019 at 2:49 am #779625
* I don’t think it makes sense for us to be just friends .
—- sorry this is a better way of wording it. It implied you wanted more but you can’t be just friends .December 1, 2019 at 7:48 am #779629
I hate to burst your bubble but if he also thought it was that great of a connection, he would be pursuing you and not someone else. You’re trying too hard to find a politically correct way to still be an option to him. You like him more than he likes you and he knows it. It flatters him and that’s why he didn’t just ghost you.
I’d say, hey thanks for being honest, no hard feelings, best wishes that everything works out for you. I wouldn’t even address the friends thing. You’ve drawn a line under the whole thing in a polite way to shut it down but he knows you wouldn’t bite his head off if he contacted you again. If he does contact you again because it didn’t work out with her, I’d make him work like hell to get me and it would be a long time before I had sex with him again. You need to set yourself up on his mind as the ultimate prize… and that means you have to believe you’re the ultimate prize for the right man, for real and not for pretend just to hook him.
I honestly think you busted him dating someone else and I wouldn’t be too eager to set myself up as his back-up girl, second choice, next thing, whatever you want to call it. This great connection you think you felt is just female hormones women experience after good sex. That isn’t the foundation of a relationship or love or anything lasting.December 1, 2019 at 8:41 am #779633
I honestly don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking someone if they are currently seeing someone else as well as you. What kind of world do we live in where that question is not okay? Seems like women have no rights anymoreDecember 1, 2019 at 9:46 am #779638
*I honestly think you busted him dating someone else and I wouldn’t be too eager to set myself up as his back-up girl, second choice, next thing, whatever you want to call it*
And me. Whether your original question was a mood killer or not, his over-reaction to it made me very suspicious that, in fact, he WAS seeing someone else, or had been in the not too distant past. If he had nothing to hide, he would either have provided an explanation, laughted it off, or both. Sounded therefore you hit a nerve here.December 1, 2019 at 9:54 am #779639
Also agree with K , if you want to just say that without addressing the friendship .
And yup if he’s not into you now why would you want to be a back up anyways ? You want to be a guy’s first choice . Men can’t be manipulated into doing anything so there is no tactics here that will get him to date you after .
Your response to him should be something that makes YOU feel good about you so that you can close this chapter without any regret .December 1, 2019 at 11:01 am #779642
Uh, I’d run away.
You are either in the running for side chick because he is involved with the woman with the beauty products in his bathroom already or he met someone he is more into than you.No guy who has *the feeling* about a woman says that another woman is occupying his mind, and then offers friendship. Think about it, if you were into a guy, would you tell him you had another man on the mind but lets be friends?
I would not even respond. What happens is this guy bread crumbs you and you think he is an option and start passing up real options in hope that you will land him.Which you are unlikely to. If down the road, he regrets this, he will reach out and make a play to get you.December 1, 2019 at 11:45 am #779643
I agree with anon….December 1, 2019 at 12:19 pm #779645
Thanks, guys. I may have dodged a bullet with this one but who knows. I’m not a side-chick or a second option. I am open to life being messy but I value myself which is why I wanted to confirm if he was single. But the truth always outs itself and this one isn’t for me but thanks for the advice.December 1, 2019 at 12:30 pm #779647
Me personally, I wouldn’t respond. If a guy chooses another girl over me, he’s free to do that and he’s history in my book me with no recourse. I agree with those who say why be a guy’s second choice and take crumbs.
But I have a feeling that if Dylan doesn’t say something back now, she’ll regret it and she’ll make the double mistake of wanting to contact him again later to create a bridge for him to cross in case he wants to come back and that’s even worse than replying now. In this case I say to Dylan: respond as I suggested and then delete him from your phone if you really think you want to give him a second chance if he contacts you in the future, against everyone’s advice here. And girl you oughta make him work like he’s never worked for a woman.
Read this site and you”ll find how often a girl thinks some guy she slept with once or a few times is the s*** and tries to make it go somewhere and gets very hurt. You gotta learn how guys think and operate Dylan. Like and respect yourself better than being a back-up girl. Sex is just sex to the majority of men. They can screw you from here to eternity for a night and be sweet in the morning and then get out of bed and not give you a second thought or want anything else from you. If you’re gonna do sex on the first date, you have to be willing to view it as some fun for an evening and nothing more. Not the start of a relationship. And the less you care the more likely they are to chase you… in some cases. In most cases it was just sex to them.December 1, 2019 at 12:31 pm #779648
You’re welcome !!
If you can muster up the guts to not respond at all that would be amazing !!! He doesn’t deserve a reply