He doesn’t ask how I am

Sounds like he does not like to use texting to connect. As long as he does when you see him or talk on the phone, let it go. He prefers to catch up in real time.

I would assume he’s focused on his job, and doesn’t have the energy to engage in chit chat.
He’s most likely been talking all day and using his down time to decompress, chill out, and not drain himself further. Its his way of saying “I’m thinking of you but I don’t have the energy to engage in idle chit chat.”

When someone is travelling and engaged in business you have to give them a lot more leeway than when they aren’t. The fact he’s checking in is telling you that your on his mind, which is a good thing! Wait until he returns, go out, and you’ll have things to talk about. If its important to you, you can tell him about your day or how you are without being prompted to do so but need to also understand he may not be in the mood for it, depending on how busy his day went or is going, so may not be engaged for this reason.

Thank you Lane, that is how I have been approaching it to date but it strikes me as odd. He will send me pictures of himself and other such things but still no “how are you?”

Anderson., I think I’ve decided I’m going to say something, I just have to figure out how to do it with out putting him on the defensive.

My boyfriend of a year is sort of like this too. I feel like his personality is rather self-centric and in order to be important (when communicating via text or phone) I need to insert myself and what’s important to me into the conversation. Once I started doing this, I felt a bit more empowered whenever we had to rely on that sort of communication and felt happier about it. I stop expecting him to do it and just did it myself.

I had to accept that he’s just not going to ask me about myself when we are communicating via text and phone. And I decided I wasn’t going to let him run the conversation so I will take it upon myself to just tell him. I’ve also explained to him what I was doing and he encouraged it. His communication style is different than mine and I took my own expectations into my own care.

I will also say that he does an amazing job staying in sync with me when he and I are together. His actions speak louder than texts. I see his love language towards me (thank goodness it’s similar to mine, we are well matched.)

Hopefully you can find a way to see the ways he shows you he cares — there are so many ways people show they care and love someone — asking “how are you” is just one tiny little way. Look for the other ways and if it’s not enough for you then move on or let him go so you both can find someone better suited.

Your needs and feelings are valid. There is no reason not to initiate a conversation with him – to understand his reasons (rather than making assumptions, which is a subtle way of gaslighting someone) and to communicate your needs. My opinion is that it is healthy to desire reciprocity in relationship, and to want to be known and seen by your partner. It’s not really a relationship otherwise! There is nothing codependent or pathological about feeling needy sometimes, and wanting the person you are with to take interest in you. It is a basic human need that you neither need to apologize for nor defend against. Conscious relationship means observing what is and bringing it up for conversation. If investing your time and energy in relationship, by all means, contribute to its growth!