He broke it off due to trust issues- is there any hope left?

Though it’s been 2 years but I want to tell you that I know the feelings. I’ve just broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years a few days ago with same issues. Our situation are very similar for more than 80%.

However, my jealousy and insecurities are not from bad experiences in the past but from experiences of people around me. I witnessed many heartbreaks and heard more than enough about cheating, about unintentionally involvement.

My boyfriend is very honest to me. He told me everything he did and I want to trust him.
There’s no reason to doubt him anyway. Somehow, I always have doubts and I fully know it’s my biggest flaw. I cannot fully trust him and, trust me, I tried.

Before you judge me, please hear me out. My boyfriend has so many female friends and he treats them the same way he treats me. It seems like he dates them. We fought a lot because I don’t like how he treated other girls the way he treats me. It’s like I’m his girlfriend but I’m no special. He once said to me that it’s not his fault that he’s friendly and I should trust him that he has no feelings toward those girls. The problem is my opinion, I’m his girlfriend and I think I should not have to fight for his attention. At the end, he chose me and promised that he will contact the girls less but he will not break off with them. I was not satisfied.

We fought a lot and this issue was never solved. It’s kind of the wound that never heals because he always say that I think too much. You know the result for our fights as I wrote above, we broke up. I want to move on so much but he still wants us to be friends and send me messages everyday that he’s worried about me. I still love him but I’m hurt and need to shut my mind off. I don’t want to hear from him but I don’t want to ignore him. I’m afraid he will date one of those girls and forget me. It’s silly, right?

I love him and I want another chance so bad but I respect his decision so I didn’t resist or beg him for another chance. Once my boyfriend made a decision, he won’t change it later. I know him. I, too, have my pride and I’ve decided that I won’t beg him to take me back though our separation hurts me so much.

That’s my story.