Home › Forums › How To Get My Ex Back › Has he stopped loving me and will he come back if I do NC?
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 2 years, 11 months ago by
K.
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Kaye
So me and my ex were together for 2 and half years. We were very happy and were planning on moving in together before Coronavirus came around. He’s suffered with depression since he was a teen (he’s now 31) but he’s on medication and has it mostly under control. I mean he still has bad times but it’s nothing we haven’t coped with. Well about a month ago things were stressing him out at work (we work together) and he started to change and get distant. I made it clear to him I was there for him always and just sat hugging him when he needed it but I also gave him plenty of space when he wanted alone time. I noticed that he started acting more ‘normal’ around everyone else but started avoiding me, which I didn’t take personally as I assumed it was just the depression. About a week ago he arranged to meet me and apologised for being distant and avoiding me but he said he was feeling more like himself but his feelings for me hadn’t come back and he wasn’t sure if he should dump me or if it was the depression. He said after thinking about it, he didn’t want it to end and he wanted to carry on as normal to see if his feelings came back. All week he’s made an effort, coming to speak to me at work, hugging me, kissing me, holding my hand, arranging to meet me regularly, all of which he hasn’t done the last month. Well yesterday we arranged to meet and everything was fine, he even stopped me talking just so he could kiss me but later I asked him if he was still numb to me and he said he was undecided. He said he still didn’t have feelings but his brain didn’t want to say that, so he was questioning whether it was just the depression. I said I couldn’t carry on like this as it was too hurtful if he had no feelings for me, so did he want to end it or have a few days to think. He said his feelings wouldn’t change in a few days. So I said ok we will end it then. He asked if he could hug me but I said no as I was too upset. He was crying too and said obviously I care otherwise I wouldn’t be crying. Then I got my coat, said bye and left. Is it just his depression or has he stopped loving me in a month? I asked him if he’d had relationship doubts before this month and he said not at all. If I start no contact ( apart from saying morning at work as we work in the same place) will he come back to me? I just can’t believe this has happened this way. Thanx for any advice.
Newbie
Its possible. I think you handled this great, how difficult as it was. You stood up for yourself and didnt want to be kept in limbo. If you do keep your distance in a polite way at work and move on in a way not trying to fix this but to accept this as the new reality like Corona, i think its possible he will regret this. I do think his behaviour is odd though. After 2 1/2 years feelings go missing. Has he looked under the bed, in the jars? Yeah you were probably sad but i just think its odd. There must be something going on. Either he is in a depression and worried he wont be a good partner long term, he lost feelings a long time ago or is distracted atm. But the end result is the same. If he does cone back, dont take him back easy. You really want a reliable partner when things get rocky because they will
Sensy
Newbie gave a great response. With space brjngs clarity and you may have a different perspective about being with him altogether. Hang in there and try to keep your mind in the present during this time.
Kaye
Thank you very much, both of you, for your opinions. It helps knowing that other people think I’ve done the right thing because I’ve been going backwards and forwards in my head. I guess I shall focus on myself and just see what happens. Thanx again for your opinions, it really helps.
A
Hello Kaye,
I’m curious how things went after this time? Did you end up back together or stayed your separate ways.Angela Parker
So my story is been with my guy for 5mths we have this amazing connection everything is just right with us. But he has 4 kids 20 18 15 12 full time as there mother is a drunk and they don’t want anything to do with her. He has spent over $80,000 just in legals trying to get divorced for 18mths but she just keeps delaying it. But know the mum is taking him to court again because she reckons he is stopping the kids from going to her he wants time to himself and even paid the 12 year old to go to the mother’s to keep the peace. So she is putting all the kids on the stand yes it will get thrown out of court but they still have to go and cost money. Anyway he suddenly broke up with me saying have to spend time with the kids as they aren’t doing well. We are perfect my fights nothing he says I can’t give you what you want at the moment we have texted for Xmas and new year just saying happy Xmas etc but he says he needs time. I know one of the court date is late February and the other in may sometime so my no contact period starting 1st Jan since we texted will be forever for me unless he reaches out. It is killing me inside because it’s out of my hands. I am working on myself not saying I am waiting for him but at this moment in my heart I still love him so the YouTube videos are helping but finding it’s not really my situation as we are perfect it’s his kids that are stopping us. He sat the kids down and they all know about me the 2 older ones were fine and the 12 is fine it’s the 15 year old boy just s said don’t bring anyone into our family yet please Dad as we are not doing well. We did try and see each other but unless the 18 year old babysits(she has a boyfriend and never home) the 2 young ones we didn’t see each other that is why he sat them down to see if I could come over and watch movies etc. He did say he will be in touch but how long is a piece of string if he is waiting until court is finished it will be June
K
Hi A,
We are completely no contact. I miss the friendship we had before we went out, but now I see things clearly I know the relationship was not good for me. -
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