Guy I’m dating went on holiday but hasn’t text me

my suspicious mind will be thinking he was lying and it is a slow fade , especially if he told you he will text you etc and he doesn’t.
but at the same time if he is busy diving then he might not have time to text you, also tbh you don’t go diving on your own, it is one of those sports you shouldn’t do on your own, are you sure he is single ?

also he is not a man of his words if he said he will text and facetime you but he didn’t even let you know that he arrived safely… you want to date someone like that?

If it’s a slow fade then I honestly did not see that coming. I’m so devastated.

I’m pretty sure he is single as we’ve spent a lot of time together, doesn’t hide his phone from me etc.

I saw him online moments ago and still nothing! Can’t believe this is happening.

Of course, I would like someone who checks in at the very least and let’s me know they’re safe.

The last time that I saw him which was the day before he left, I had a gut feeling something was wrong. Something just felt off so maybe this is it.

Yes usually you’d dive with someone else and I think he’s gone with someone at the location of his trip so he’s not completely by himself.

How should I handle the situation? Should I forget about him or text him to see if he’s having a good time?

I’m just thinking how on earth am I going to move on? He’s literally everything I’ve wanted in a potential boyfriend, up until his holiday of course.

why did you have a feeling something was off? you said you have been dating for 6 weeks , I am guessing sex was involved too and I am also guessing you both are on dating sites/actively looking to date others etc?

8-9 dates in 6 weeks that is not a lot of time together, that’s one date a week, sometimes 2 , which I think is enough at the beginning but progressively you should be spending more and more time together.

who did the initiating most of the time?

don’t wait for him to text you, go date others, I know it is easy to say but honestly no point waiting for him, you are not even exclusive. He might text you when he is back, but ultimately if he liked you he would be texting you , even once a week so say hi I am having a nice time, thinking of you bla bla .

and don’t go checking if he was online or not.

He might not text you again, but so what? you were fine before him you will be fine now too.
that is his loss not yours.

I don’t know what it was but I just felt he was a little distant. He was less affectionate than he usually is at the time but he was hungover and looking forward to his holiday as well… No, we haven’t had sex. He’s spent the night at my place only once and nothing happened. He actually deleted his dating profile a few weeks ago and then I deleted mine. But we’ve never had “the talk”.

He did most, if not all, of the initiating, I’ve not had to chase him at all.

But yeah you’re right. I won’t wait for him to text, I’ll start seeing other people and see what happens.

I guess I just like the way he’s treated me but I suppose that’s the bare minimum, that’s what he should be doing in the first place. I’m so used to being mistreated so when a guy treats me right it’s like “wow, I think I really like this one!”

Ah maybe, although I did explain to him afterwards that I was on my period so I couldn’t… and he said he understands and appreciates that I told him. And that’s when I noticed he changed a little. But he still talked about us doing stuff in the future, going away etc before he left for his holiday so I don’t know.

I think if he stays silent for the entire duration of his holiday and then contacts me when he’s back, I’ll break things off with him because, like you said, he’s not a man of his words and I couldn’t be with someone like that.

And then on the other hand, if I never hear from him again, then I’ll know he was just a joke from the start and that he didn’t have the decency to tell me he was no longer interested but would rather lie to me instead.

Thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it :)

Men are usually singularly focused and diving can be exhausting. He is on vacation and that is his focus. Just let him be, and stop spinning a story about what it means. The reality is you are not exclusive and you are over invested for someone who is not your boyfriend. My guess is he will reach out a few times and never guess that a woman he is only dating is upset. You should not have taken your profile down as you are not exclusive. Please think of a bunch of things you want to do to get back to you while he is away. Until he is back, I suggest you assume everything is fine and he will either step up then or not.

Yes true, I understand 6 weeks isn’t a very long time. It will take a lot longer for me to get to know him. I’ve definitely enjoyed the time we’ve spent together so far. But yes I will sit tight and wait for him to contact me, if he does.

I know he isn’t my boyfriend so he’s not under any obligation to act like one. I think I need to keep myself busy to prevent me from thinking the worst.

And yes, extremely bad timing with having him spend the night during the time I was on!

I really do hope he gets in touch at some point. But I know I’ll be okay either way :)

Thanks guys, will keep you posted

Oh I’m sorry this is happening! It’s the worst when you feel safe into leaning into a new connection, and then it’s starts to go upside down. I agree so much with Tallspicy. He could be enjoying himself and never dream that a girl he has a budding relationship with is upset because he’s just living his life. Of course there is the possibility he’s fading. So acknowledge that stress inside yourself! But also be grateful for it! I know that sounds wacky. But feelings aren’t facts. You’re not gonna die, or be alone forever, you’re worth isn’t dependent on some dude. Be watchful. Be observant. That’s what your job is right now with this guy.

If he fades. Be glad he showed his feelings quickly. You only want someone super into you. If he comes back acting if all is well (he just didn’t have service, was distracted etc) AND IF he pursues you after that consistently, remain watchful of his character. Are there other instances he says he’ll do a thing -then doesn’t? Maybe he’s just a little flighty or people pleasey.

But this is a good reminder from the universe to come back to yourself. Even when a guy is being the perfect pursuer/boyfriend we need to remind ourselves as women to always come back to ourselves and not make our moods solely based on how it’s going with our male partners! Re focus. Know that you’re strong enough to handle whatever this is and what’s meant for you certainly will not pass you by.

OK that’s a very important piece of information that would have been helpful to have upfront!

Sadly, you’ve been ghosted. Not enough food to go around?? Oh PLEASE that’s total BS. And if he backed off because you didn’t put out, then good riddance to bad trash.

oh Olivia, unfortunately I was right, he might not even be away if I am honest
I also have a feeling that he would be gone even if you slept with him, so good for you that you didn’t as that would probably made you feel worse .
I also think he might be back when he won’t have other options but I hope you will meet someone else by then :)

Yes I think it’s a lame excuse and I didn’t believe it for one minute. I think it’s because he had changed his mind about me from that moment and didn’t want me around his friends. But he obviously couldn’t tell me that.

It’s been almost 2 weeks and I still haven’t heard from him. He’s ghosting me for sure!

You’re right in saying that he might not even be on holiday. The night before he “left” I didn’t see one bag or suitcase packed for his 3 week holiday. Maybe he’s a last minute guy like most are but still I thought that was very strange.

In future I will try not to get overly excited about a guy and wait to see if he is consistent in dating me for at least 3 months. The trouble these days is, in my experience, guys don’t stick around that long. They’ll date me for a couple of weeks and move onto the next. I guess I haven’t found someone who truly likes me yet. But I will keep dating and see who I meet.

On the one hand, this is lame if he’d said he’d message you during his trip and then didn’t. As I said before, he may not have had much reception, but surely there was a moment at his hotel that he could have messaged just to say he’s okay but reception is much more limited than he expected and he’ll be in touch when he gets back. On the other hand, he did say he’d be gone 3 weeks and reached out as soon as he returned.

All that’s important at this point is, no excuses for him — how do you feel about what you’ve observed from him the last 9 weeks and does it match how you want to be treated and what you want in a potential partner? I think Liz and TallSpicy’s posts earlier are worth re-reading. Between him canceling dinner and then being out of touch after telling you he’d reach out, I don’t think it’s because anything was “off” between you, I think he sounds like he’s a very reactive person. The way I’d see his actions after these 9 weeks is that he is someone who responds to what’s in front of him in the moment and can be oblivious, which can come out as thoughtless. You can try talking to him about it (lay out that dinner cancellation and 3 weeks unexpectedly out of touch isn’t the kind of relationship you’re looking for and see if he steps up and it never happens again), or you can write it off as you learned what you needed to from early dating and this is a bad match for you and won’t be worth the effort. Personally, I need someone conscientious so it would drive me crazy to be with someone who isn’t, and it sounds like he’s not. Even though that doesn’t make him a bad person, it may make him a bad potential boyfriend.