Flirting with a coworker


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This topic contains 11 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  mama 1 month, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #867571 Reply

    Mirabelle

    Hi everyone,
    I hope to get some objective perspective on my situation.
    There is a guy from work – my teamleader, whom I get along with really well. We always tease eachother and are quite flirtatious. I feels like we have known eachother a lot longer than we have, but I guess that it was chemistry is right? :)
    We work in shift rotations so we only are together eery 3 weeks or so.
    4 weeks ago he randomly text me in the middle of the night that he is having someone over from work for drinks and asks if I want to join. I was unable to so I just said thanks and hoped I could join another time.
    Then two weeks past and the same thing happens. He text me at midnight about a drinks night with people from work, and I was on my way home from a birthday party so I thought why not.
    However, when I came everyone was quite drunk and it was pretty obvious that he wanted to talk to me. We talked and I left with the rest of the crowd on long after I arrived. He texted me when I got home that he was glad that I came, and we should do something some day if I wanted to. I replied that I thought that sounded nice and goodnight.
    I dont hear from him afterwards which I think is a little weird but I also think that he might be embarrassed and afraid of a Me-too situation. I am thinking about asking him out for a beer but decides I want to wait a few days more.
    Then this Monday he shows up at work. I was surprised because he was not on the schedule but apparently someone had called in sick.
    We chat and flirt the whole day and follow eachother on the way back into the city. It was sunny and we decide to get an icecream. We get along super well and he said it was nice to eat the ice cream :)
    I havent heard from him since then, and I dont know what out situation is. I can feel that I really like him but I am also afraid to be too forward. I think the same goes for him. It is that weird state where it is like “are we friends or are we just using pretending to be “friends” as an excuse to talk”.
    It could be a month before I see him again. Do you think I should wait and see if he makes a move or should I make one?
    I feel like I am in a pretty vulnerable position since he is friends with a lot of people from work, and I am the “outsider” one.

    #867689 Reply

    Ewa

    he texted you at midnight ? what a man !
    you shouldn’t even be entertaining the idea that something might happen between you, firstly because a guy who likes a woman do not message her at midnight unless it is for a booty call, secondly he is technically your boss, so please forget about him :)

    #867701 Reply

    Lane

    Do nothing! The worst thing you can do is mix work, and romance—really should keep them separate. I’ve witnessed the dramatic fall out form workmances, in my early years, and said “screw that.” For that very reason I instituted a “no dating work policy” and have stuck to it for over 35 years—it has worked very well for me :o)

    Its highly possible he has instituted those workplace boundaries as well, which one should when in a ‘management position.’ He knows how bad it would looks, dating a junior co-worker, so most likely won’t go there with you, which is why he’s treating you no differently than he does with his other co-workers, as he should.

    I would not push it, or do anything. I wouldn’t go past your work relationship boundaries with him. If you push this, and he’s not interested, you could lose your job over it. If I were you, I wouldn’t pursue this ‘crush’ you have with him, and only date outside your workplace.

    #867731 Reply

    T from NY

    All he wants from you is to get laid. If you’re cool with that, and with him treating you like he barely knows you afterward, or possibly not reaching out anymore (at midnight omg!) – then have fun! All these things are possible outcomes and there is nothing wrong in my book with a man trying to get his needs met. But seriously, he is not acting like he wants anything more from you than a booty call. I certainly do not recommend those at work.

    #867757 Reply

    Mirabelle

    Thanks for your responses. I appreciate that.
    However I don’t think he is seeing me as a booty call. When we are together he always asks a lot about my interest and remember things I have told him before.
    It’s a student job so it’s not like my whole career is in stake :)
    Last time we talked about tennis.
    I was thinking about maybe asking him this Sunday if he wants to play? I am a member of a local club and they have open court access on sundays :)

    #867778 Reply

    Ewa

    you are clearly very young, the fact that he asks you questions does not mean he is that into you. My work colleagues ask me questions too but I don’t think they are that interested in me , that is what people do in general.
    one rule for life as others said do not date people from work, whether it is a temporary job or not.
    and please don’t ask him if he wants to play, why do you want to chase him ?

    #867823 Reply

    Raven

    Your supervisor text you at midnight?!

    #867838 Reply

    mama

    Mirabelle,
    Instead of shooting down the advice you’re offered on this forum, step back from the situation and understand everyone is giving you advice based on what you’ve told us AS WELL AS life experience. You are in a power dynamic in a work situation; he texts you usually when he’s drunk; you are worried about a #metoo situation. Then you say he’s into you because he asked you questions as if he’s interested.

    Of course he’s interested — in having sex with you.

    Stop the denial, look at what people are saying in response to you, and go from there. If you want advice, ALL of these commenters who have just posted above are all really great at giving you the realities of the situation. They consistently provide great advice to other posters on this forum. Listen to them.

    If you really want to get involved with him, find another job THEN get involved with him. But personally the fact that he’s your supervisor doing this kind of crap is creepy.

    #867843 Reply

    redcurleysue

    Men will see how far they can push things before you say no. You accepted midnight calls and went to a late drunken party. I do not accept calls or text after 9:00. It goes to voicemail. Men are supposed to initiate dates….if you initiate you will not know if he likes you enough to ask you out (drunken parties do not count). Men want to respect women – show him you are worthy of respect. He may not want to date someone from work – so do not ask him out. But dating someone from work is very tricky when you or they stop dating. Trust me.

    #867868 Reply

    Lane

    Sometimes you just need to learn ‘the hard way.’ Go ahead, chase him. Bet you’ll regret it, AFTER he sleeps with you, and then says “I’m not looking for a relationship” the MOMENT he feels you want more than just some sexy fun time. He will then stop all contact; avoid you at work, and/or get your internship revoked.

    I truly hope he doesn’t take your bait, is smart enough not to cross that boundary, and spares you from the hurt you’re going to experience if you decide to proceed.

    #867899 Reply

    AngieBaby

    LOL I was going to say the same as Lane. Since you’re young and this isn’t a job that could hurt your career, go ahead and chase him and sleep with him and see where it gets you. I had an office romance ONCE and it was fun while it lasted and then it really sucked when we fizzled out. I would never do it again. But it sounds like you need to learn by having the experience in a situation, where luckily the stakes are low.

    Here are some takeaways for later once you’re willing to open your eyes and see how men and the dating game work:

    1) Your boss at any job should never being doing things like this. It’s highly inappropriate to fraternize with a subordinate. He is presumably older than you and old enough to know better. He’s not very smart.

    2) The late texting inviting you over to drink is a red flag coming from any man. He’s testing to see what you’ll let him get away with. You’re failing the test by responding and then going over there. It shows him you have low boundaries and he can say jump and you’ll say how high.

    3) Don’t chase men. That means you don’t directly ask him out until he’s shown you he’s for real. That may sound hopelessly old fashioned but there’s a delicate balance in courtship and it’s the man’s job to pursue you. That’s how you know he’s genuinely interested. Let him work for you – a guy who is really interested will want to prove himself to you and make you happy.

    #867910 Reply

    mama

    I’m rooting for MIrabelle in the hopes that she’s smarter than learning the hard way. I mean, you’ve all laid it ALL out for her right there in terms of what’s probably going to happen.

    We all want to be the exception, but this probably isn’t one of those times.

    Much luck to you, Mirabelle. I hope your better angels speak to you LOUDLY.

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