Few issues – I've improved but lacking chemistry and multi dating

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This topic contains 11 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Sylvia 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #791721 Reply


    Due to Covid-19, you and my choice I dropped people who weren’t worth my time. You don’t want to keep in touch, are torn? Bye! You don’t care or like me? Bye, I won’t try to impress people who don’t like me! I discovered that even with me being quirky and not mysterious, the nice guys are treating me so well! It feels amazing! I see it’s a choice – you can chase your fantasy guy or choose someone who likes you and it’s clear. I’m not longer a victim and never was – I just made bad decisions. I’m still working on my too spontaneous etc traits. I’m going to stay single for a while but asking now.
    Chemistry – while everything is fine I simply don’t desire them. Don’t want to touch them. They’d be a great bf but “bad boys” (and not only them) create chemistry. These guys not, in my case also compared with looks. I don’t know if it’s my issue or you simply don’t have chemistry with everyone and not having them with like 2 guys is ok. I don’t want to lose out on great people but I like sex and having fun!
    Multidating – you were right, it keeps you sane! I like it but feel like it could go on forever. I don’t want to lead someone on but I’m not sure if I ever will be with those guys. Do you tell people the truth? What if they think you’re “something” and you’re not on the same page?
    Thank you for advice, please, be kind :)

    #791722 Reply


    ‘Chemistry’ is a liar…

    You’re smart taking time off dating…

    Some times it takes time to vibe with someone…

    #791724 Reply


    Thank you! But what do you mean by “chemistry is a liar”?

    #791725 Reply


    How many times have you had ‘chemistry’ with someone who turned out to be a bad decision?

    #791727 Reply


    A lot! What to do without attraction though?

    #791728 Reply


    Attraction comes in many different forms…

    I’m attracted to funny people/men,
    I’m attracted to smart people/men,

    Physical beauty fades…

    #791732 Reply


    Yeah it’s not about looks but the “brother-like” feelings. I fell for many guys who you wouldn’t come handsome but had “it”. Now I feel nothing. Don’t even miss them too much.

    #791733 Reply


    I honestly think chemistry is often times us trying to ‘win over’ a parent clone that we felt neglected by or who we fought to gain approval from… The smart guy who gives us the vibe that we aren’t that important to him, the one whose jokes we find hilarious, the one who’s too cool who has all the chemistry is the guy who we are always going to be trying to recreate that childhood trauma bond with. We’re trying to fix our past issues with people we date but when we realise the nice guys are going to give us what we need and that attraction can also mean someone who is always there, someone who cares deeply for us and treats us well, someone who loves us warts and all and isn’t going to up and leave at the first sign of trouble (the way the guys we have ‘insta-chemistry’ with always seem to, the ones who cause all the butterflies in us because we never know where we stand with them – butterflies of desire or butterflies of dread?) anyways those guys create in us a different kind of chemistry. A strong bond that is enduring and feels secure and amazing in its own right.

    #791738 Reply


    Sylvia, do some reading on emotional unavailability…

    #791751 Reply


    Thanks to you both.
    Phoebe, you’re right. Having said that I love watching rock stars/athletes just like guys look at models. Are we compatible? Probably not. But..

    #791752 Reply


    I totally get what your saying! I’m the same way. Even after really trying to give the nice guy a shot. They are just not exciting to me at all and they seem super inexperienced.

    #791757 Reply


    a, I’m so happy I’ve found someone similar! You totally get me. Honestly, they often are also inexperienced.
    What to do you about it?

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