Feeling trapped, please help


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This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Raven 7 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #785400 Reply

    Anon

    I don’t even know if this post fits into this category, its more about telling my family something I’m keeping secret from them.. and not more so to do with the guy.

    So my ex-boyfriend and I have quite the history, We were together for 2 yrs and we broke up 2 months ago. We started talking again 2 weeks ago and I haven’t told my family because I don’t want them to judge me in talking to him again. They’d judge me because he didn’t treat me great in the relationship and I do agree with them in some ways, I’m also harsh on myself in talking to him again, questioning why am I talking to him again and not just cutting off contact. but I’m dealing with it in my way and going to counseling to help with issues I have surrounding that part of myself.
    I live in Ireland and after we broke up, he moved over to England. He’s asked me to visit him and I want to visit him over there, so I said yes. Now the only problem with this is my family not knowing. I’m thinking of just telling them I’m going to my friends for the weekend, but I’ll be getting on a plane and flying across the country. I’m not someone who lies, I don’t like it and It just feels like I’m suffocating myself in not being truthful to them and keeping this from them but I know they’re not going to be happy with my decision and I don’t want to feel their shame, disappointment or listen to them telling me they don’t think its a good idea, or what am I doing it’s a bad idea.
    The thing with me and my ex-boyfriend that I’d also like to mention is that we’ve been open with each other in what is going on between us. We’ve clarified that we are not in good positions to get into a relationship, that we like the friendship with each other and that if we do get with someone else to let the other person know because we don’t want to hurt each other or hold the other person back from moving on.
    I’d like to know your thoughts on my situation, how do I tell my family that I’m talking to my ex again without them turning on me because of my decision… or is there a problem in not telling them? is keeping this information from them going to backfire on me?

    I know the right thing to do is to tell them probably, but I’m finding it so tough though. please go easy on me

    #785406 Reply

    Raven

    If you’re an adult, you really don’t need to tell them anything…

    #785407 Reply

    Raven

    You’re also kidding yourself & us…

    You really travel that far to see a casual friend…

    #785409 Reply

    Anon

    We have said we still have feelings for each other, but we know we’re not in a good position to get in a relationship. Both of us have things to work on with ourselves. I do have a worry that sex could happen. we’ve even spoken about this haha, but I know if we do have sex, he just sees me as a FWB. So I don’t want to have sex with him, even though the temptation will be there.

    #785410 Reply

    Anon

    And yes, im 23.. im an adult lol

    #785413 Reply

    Ss

    How old are you? I don’t see why you need to tell your family when its not their business – unless he was physically or mentally abusive.

    I’m more concerned about what you are getting out of this arrangement aside from very likely ending up being hurt because i don’t think that telling each other if get with someone else is going to go down very well. You are obviously more than just friends in this scenario and with him in the UK now you won’t have a clue what he is up to. Its an odd arrangement to be agreeing to. You are either together or you are not. Anything inbetween is just asking for heartbreak imo.

    #785422 Reply

    Raven

    If you go- You will have sex…
    You know that right?

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