Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Early dating escalation – not interested or not sure
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 4 years, 5 months ago by
Sylvia.
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Sylvia
Hey, I’ve been reading this forum for a while and I already “like” advice from some of you and feel I know you. If I post 2/3 topics, forgive me!
So basically I’ve been dating a bit and each case is different, we all go through different times in life but in general I feel like when you meet someone and the date goes well, you feel the connection and already open up and your dated felt the same then you text quite a bit and set up next meetings. Plain and simple.
When I’m like “it was ok” I keep in touch I’m still open but not as excited. When I got butterflies I move too fast, it shows.. and this person blows hot and cold, we don’t text, we don’t have any plans I feel it’s basically benching. Will he get bored? Then he’d text me and propose meet up. I always thought I ruined it with being too available/easy/cutesy but now I’m realising that probably he just wasn’t meant to be. Any thoughts?Vera
If a guy is into you it doesn’t matter if you show you like him . If the problem is that you only like unavailable guys , then that’ll be an issue because they are by definition unavailable .
Newbie
I find it a bit difficult to understand your questions. But if i understand you right you have read a lot about dating and are now trying it out. I think all those dating tips can lead to be becoming overly selfaware. I said something about that on Vera’s post. I think its good if all those dating sites create awareness of boundaries but for the rest it only boils down to one thing: dont overinvest before a guy shows he is worth your time, love and body. Its hard to do when you are exited about a guy, but remember a guy roughly takes 3 months to decide if he wants to be with the girl long term. So give yourself the same 3 months. And secondly: dont take rejections personal. Its just a sign youre not compatible from his side. I remember Peggy recommended a book ‘have him at hello’. I never read it but i know she found it one of the best books when it comes to dating. So you might want to look that up. I really forgot your question lol
Oh Yeah you cant be overly cutesy unless youre faking it. It just means you havent find the right guy yetBetter off single
Feelings can lie so you have to calm down and really listen to what he is saying. Women were given intuition for a reason and if you know how to listen to it correctly, that doesn’t lie. There is nothing wrong with looking at the pros and cons. Filter out what is fact and what ideas you made up in your head to create the illusion some emotionally unavailable guy is so perfect for you because that’s the lie you created feelings of love or infatuation from.
Stop focusing on being the right one for a guy and practice being the right person to yourself. Wouldn’t you think that is more attractive?
In your post you come off as a needy Chihuahua. Sorry to be harsh.
Sylvia
You’re the best.
Vera – thank you, that’s what I thought. The worst part is that early on you don’t know if someone is available emotionally or not. Or if he wants you out of boredom or just for sex. Guys got smarter about that. I’m glad to know that while I might turn someone off it wouldn’t have worked anyway.
Newbie – you’re so right, I’m reading, watching a lot on the internet, it’s like exploring a new continent. There’s plenty of advice (I wish I could find your full post about this issue). I understand the importance of boundaries now, one guy told me I don’t have them (but he was a jerk and he knew I was falling for him fast).
I overinvested in the past a lot when I really liked someone. 3 months and letting him court me not otherwise sounds good. What about sex during this time? Thank you for also reminding me to not take the rejection personally because even now I can remember every single thing that might turn the guy off.
Better off single – “I choose me”, I definitely have an issue stemming from childhood, sometimes I want to nurture a guy and fix him because there’s something magnetic about him. It’s not my pattern though. But I definitely love a illusion of a guy without knowing him truly. Now I just need to figure out the trait and develop that in myself. -
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