This topic contains 3 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Kate 5 months, 2 weeks ago.
August 2, 2020 at 4:56 am #799191
10 minutes before date number 3, I receive a phone call from his nephew, saying the guy is too drunk to drive and is not feeling well at all. I, a bit not knowing what to make out of this, start to worry about him and call back about half an hour later. The guy himself picks up the phone, doesn’t sound drunk (so he would have been able to call me himself, instead of asking his nephew). He starts saying he’s ashamed etc, I am a bit annoyed so I keep it short and say that I only wanted to make sure he wouldn’t be driving in a drunk state.
A few hours later I decide that this is a bad start, so I text him that I hope he is feeling better, but that I believe it would be better if we didn’t meet anymore. He didn’t respond yet.
Did I jump to conclusions too fast? It is not ok what he did (drinking that much while he knew he was going to date me AND not calling himself). If he truly was going to try to be with me, he would try to make things up right?, even though I already told him it would be better not to eachother him anymore.
I could forgive him if I knew this was a one time mistake, but I feel it is a really bad start.August 2, 2020 at 7:44 am #799202
Well if you were open to forgiving him it was pretty silly to have sent a text basically dumping him.
You should have just left it and observed what he did next- whether he apologised properly and made it up to you etc.
I think I would have been annoyed in your position and it is a definite red flag. the only positive is he made sure you knew he couldn’t go on the date but even that’s a bit odd as he got his nephew to call for himAugust 2, 2020 at 8:26 am #799204
Too be honest, I think he was looking for an escape route to get out of the date. The fact his nephew told you he was super drunk but he didn’t sound drunk at all is telling you he was flaking out but didn’t have the courage to tell you himself.
All you did was end something that was ending IMO and made the right call based on the way it went down. Having his nephew call you instead of manning up and calling you himself is so High School (immature and lame). I get things happen or come up and should allow for some ‘wiggle room’ as it gives you a chance to see if they are flaking or its legit and that’s how you slowly build trust or not build trust with someone you hardly know. I however, find the best thing to do in these situations is to lean way back and see what they do next. If they step right back in and stay on track for a good long while, then you know it was a ‘one off’ situation. If they don’t and do it again shortly afterwards, that’s your cue to walk away from Mr. Flake.
Best to go with your gut as it sounds like it was ringing an alarm bell, you answered it, and called it correctly. He would have reached out and apologized immediately after the text or next day, minimum, trying to make it right if he was super keen on you. All you did was pull the plug on a flaky immature coward :o)August 2, 2020 at 11:29 am #799216
Thanks, both of you! Next time I will first wait and see what they do next instead of pulling the plug myself.But it’s obvious that I didn’t blow my chances here. He did.