This topic contains 42 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Maddie 1 week, 2 days ago.
October 9, 2021 at 1:09 am #926625
I came to this forum because I have no idea what to do, I feel hurt and confused while I’m trying to be understanding of this complicated situation. So any ladies (or men) who are reading this thread, your opinion would be greatly appreciated. I have been seeing my boyfriend for 3 months..we had a talking stage for months prior until he finally locked it down with me and so far, we haven’t had any significant issues and I’ve been happy. I knew he fooled around alot before, but as it was before we started dating, it’s really none of my business. However, I know of one girl who I’ll call Marissa who he apparently had a thing going on with shortly before he made it official with me. Once he and I started dating, he broke it off with her. I don’t know all the details, but according to him as well as our friends, it was very short-lived and ended not too long after she moved away for school. For these last 3 months, I know they have not been in contact and I trust my boyfriend as I have known him for a while now. However, this whole issue I am about to explain started about two weeks ago.
Apparently, this girl came back and while I don’t think it’s permanent, she’s been here and somehow met his “best friend”. I know that my boyfriend’s relationship with his friend has always been rocky and personally, I don’t like the friend because he’s been jerking my bf around for years and is a bad influence. I knew she was back and basically asked all of our friends not to tell him because honestly, I felt insecure. But now there’s an even bigger problem at hand. I found out through a mutual friend that that supposedly, his friend forced himself on Marissa, to what extent I am not sure. I didn’t tell my boyfriend because I was still figuring out whether it was my place or not, plus it could be rumor. Well, turns out somebody got to him first. This past weekend on Sunday, all of us were hanging out at the friend’s place and that’s when my bf showed up. I immediately knew something was off because he looked so angry and it’s like all he saw was the best friend when he opened the door and the rest of us were invisible. He basically started backing his friend into a wall, repeatedly saying, “How could you do this man”. It all happened so fast, but the friend kept trying to defend himself but my bf just flew into a rage, yelling “How could you hurt her!” This is when Marissa showed up and she kept begging them to stop. Some of the other guys at our party broke them up and my boyfriend basically grabbed her hand and took her away. I was just sitting in shock the whole time. While I felt awful for Marissa, I felt completely humiliated that he was my boyfriend and he just dragged another girl away, right in front of me. When I called him that night, he was so angry at me and asking how could I not tell him that his best friend tried to violate her. I kept explaining that I didn’t know how or if it was even true, but he wouldn’t listen and hung up on me. It’s been almost a week now and he won’t answer my calls or texts. Our friend group is all awkward and messed up after that, so I can’t talk to them. I’m just at a loss of what to do, first that he’s so angry with me and the feeling that Marissa’s the one he actually likes. Please give me some opinions or advice on this because I have no one else to talk to.October 9, 2021 at 1:46 am #926634
Wow that is a rough scenario.
To be blunt, you did keep something from him and asked your friends to do it too.
It does mean you are not trusting. I’m not sure you thought this out. But a terrible thing happened to Marissa who he used to date. Doesn’t it seem honorable that he defend her especially because his best friend is in the wrong?October 9, 2021 at 2:07 am #926638
To be clear, I only asked our friends not to tell him the part about Marissa being back in our city, which was before I found out about what his best friend tried to do to her. That, I would never ask his friends or anyone to keep a secret. But the thing is, the time between when I first heard it myself and then the fight happened, was only 2 days. I wanted to think it through before making a snap decision, telling my boyfriend what could be a potential rumor. Now I know it must be true and I feel terrible. Also, he never dated Marissa, apparently she was just a fling because she had to leave for school pretty much right after. And yes, of course it’s honorable that he defended her, I would not expect any less of him. However, it’s what happened that makes me uneasy. Right now, he’s already put his friend in the hospital by slamming his head into the floor. I’ve never seen him so angry it was actually frightening. After that, he took Marissa’s hand and said “We’re out of here” while looking right at me. It’s like he completely forgot I was his girlfriend. Now, he won’t speak to me at all and no one knows where he or Marissa is. I want to talk this out so badly, but I feel like I’ve already lost him.October 9, 2021 at 9:31 am #926743
What a mess!
Interesting that they all showed up at the same party…
Count this guy gone, for what ever the reason- sorry.October 9, 2021 at 5:49 pm #926884
He didn’t forget you were his girlfriend. He was completely pissed off at the breach of trust you displayed by not telling him.
Whether he’s with this girl or not, I agree he’s gone.October 9, 2021 at 6:22 pm #926896
But the thing is, we practically live together. All of his stuff is still at my apartment, except that he hasn’t come back since Sunday which makes me incredibly anxious. I thought maybe he would’ve come back while I’m out at work but it’s clear that he hasn’t been back AT ALL even though he’s got a key. Everything is just as we left it on Sunday. Even his car keys! Now I’m going crazy wondering where the hell he is. He won’t answer my calls, but he did pick up a call from one of the guys in our friend group and told him that he wanted nothing to do with us again and that the whole friend group could go to hell. He said nothing about where he is, or about me. I get he’s pissed, but I’m his girlfriend and we’ve been together for almost 4 months, we LIVE together, and it seemed like he did care about me, so I find it hard to accept that he would just ghost me instead of giving me a chance to explain. I want to cry because I love him, but he’s completely shutting me out and it’s driving me crazy wondering where he is, or if he’s been with Marissa this whole time. His parents aren’t in his life, so aside from our friends, I have no one that could reach out to him.October 9, 2021 at 7:50 pm #926931
Jennifer I’m sorry you’re hurting. Four months is not a very long time and it’s also very quick to have moved in together. This incident may pissed him off enough to drive him away, or maybe he wanted out anyway and is using this as an excuse. Not answering you at all is very immature. You just have to let him cool off. Stop calling. He will contact you to talk or get his things on his own time.October 9, 2021 at 8:40 pm #926946
Pack his things- when he returns to get them, all you have to do is move them outside. Change the locks on your apartment.
He doesn’t deserve another second of your time or attention.
My guess is he IS with the other girl- sorry…
Where else would he be?October 9, 2021 at 10:12 pm #926964
Okay, so he’s sent me a text…a TEXT basically saying that he can’t understand how I could keep this from him, especially because I’m a girl. Oh and also, that he’s been taking care of her because she stopped eating and wakes up crying in the middle of the night. He never said anything about breaking up or when he’s coming back. I don’t want to let him go without at least trying to work this out first. Our relationship has been smooth, he was definitely not wanting out before this whole situation happened. I get he’s taking care of her, but why does HE have to be the one to do it? She has parents and he’s MY boyfriend. I’m just so emotional as I’m typing this because I don’t know what I’m supposed to say back…tell him he needs to come home to sort this through? Because I don’t want to let her have him, we’ve had no problems until this happened and know he cares about me.October 9, 2021 at 10:43 pm #926971
What you try desperately to hold onto will slip away. Put aside your jealousy and your agenda for a moment.
A friend of his was sexually assaulted by another friend of his. Try to imagine how upsetting that is.
I would just text back: I understand how upsetting this must be. Would you like some help taking care of Marissa, I’d be glad to come over and lend a hand. You must be exhausted. When you are less stressed I’d like to talk with you about what’s happened between us. Take all the time you need to help her out and let me know what I can do for you or her.
Something along those lines will diffuse the situation.
If you start making any demands or coming off as jealous, you will lose him. Stay cool. Trust this will turn out the right way, whatever that is. Easier said than done, I know. But if you don’t want to drive him away, give him space to help her out. When the time is right to talk with him, be forthright and honest that you felt a bit jealous of her and when you heard about the assault you didn’t know what to do because you weren’t sure if it was just a rumor or what really happened and you didn’t know how to handle it. Honesty is your best chance here. He will forgive you or not. If not… he isn’t the right guy for you. People who are right for each other can work through their problems.October 9, 2021 at 10:52 pm #926974
You really need to let this guy go. You will never trust him.October 10, 2021 at 10:21 pm #927382
I know your struggling, overly emotional, and felt like you’ve been hit by a truck but its not going to help you right now.
Right now he is feeling betrayed by his friends. I don’t know this Marissa, or his friend, what happened, or what the “truth’ is but I have a gut feeling she is playing “Damsel in distress” because why would she be turning to him and not the damn police if what she said happened??? Something very very fishy is going on with her but unfortunately you’re paying for it.
All I can tell you to do right now is to not only BACK OFF but start to feel the opposite and allow some anger to fill your mind. If any guy did this to me I wouldn’t be “waiting for him or his call” but so friggen pissed off that he should be afraid to see me again lol. I’ve been in some weird situations, not exactly like yours but trust me, when a man doesn’t stand up FOR YOU, then he’s not going to stand by you, and this is your cue to kick him to the curb.
Again, I understand you are super emotional right now and not thinking straight but you don’t owe her, or him, an apology. She should have gone straight to her parents and/or the police, and the fact she hasn’t or didn’t should tell you something. Time to think logically v. irrationally.October 10, 2021 at 11:17 pm #927397
Lane & Angiebaby, **update
Thank you both for taking the time to read and your responses. I want to give an update on what’s happening because now, I’m not so much angry (even though Lane thinks I should be), but more just sad and feeling helpless in this situation. First, even though I don’t know Marissa well and I definitely don’t like her at this moment, I do want to clear it up that she isn’t at fault now that I’ve found out more information. Today, I spoke to one of the girls who hangs out with us, Angela who is close friends with Marissa. She told me that she saw bruises on her neck and finally got it out of her what happened. While she wasn’t raped and managed to fight him off, she was still assaulted and actually begged Angela not to tell my boyfriend because she knew he’d go crazy. But she told him anyways because she felt like she had to, especially since his best friend was the one who did it. Angela then told me that my boyfriend showed up to Marissa’s house while they were both there, furious and hugged her saying that he was ” so sorry” and that he “should never have broke it off with her.” This was right before he showed up at the party and the whole fight happened. I’ve texted him offering to help him with Marissa just as the advice above, but he hasn’t answered yet. That’s why I feel lost now. Because I can’t even be mad at her because she wasn’t the one who told him, it was Angela and now he’s obsessing over her, just like what she was afraid of.October 11, 2021 at 1:05 am #927424
Lane: according to a Dept of Justice study done in 2016, almost of 80% of sexual assaults go unreported to the police. Because someone didn’t go to the police doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. I once reported a sexual assault. It was very, very difficult, and I was lucky I had kind police officers. God knows they aren’t all like Olivia Benson on Law & Order. What was devastating was being told by the DA’s office that with only my word against his, they didn’t stand a chance of getting a conviction. And even if they charged him that I was going to be the one put on trial and it would be rougher than I could imagine. I’d been violated once – I wasn’t up for having it done again. So unless you’ve experienced this, please don’t judge and criticize.
Jennifer, thank you for the additional information. This is complicated. Sounds like Angela confirmed your suspicions that something had been going on between them before you two met and started dating. I’m glad you sent the text and I’m not surprised he didn’t answer. I know it’s awful to be shut out and in such a hamstrung position. But there really is nothing else you can do. If he is going to choose to drop you to be with her, then that’s his choice to make and that’s the way it’s going to go and if that’s what he does, this was not your guy, and at least you found it out within a few months. I”m sorry. Step back now, you’ve done all you can do. Contacting him any further won’t help.
It’s up to you if you want to box up his things. It might be easier on you to assume this is done and get his things out of your sight so you can start the grieving process so you can move on.
I will say this – obviously it didn’t work out between the two of them for some reason. Crisis can bring people back together temporarily, it’s true. But eventually the reasons they broke up will likely surface again.October 11, 2021 at 1:08 am #927427
Jennifer, this is a terrible situation.
I’m glad you’re feeling more understanding for Marissa. I’ve known people who have been through assault, and worse. Even a couple women who have gone to the police, though most didn’t. The police never did anything because there wasn’t enough evidence, it was he said / she said, and the women were told that if it ever got to court their reputations would be dragged through the mud by the defense lawyers. But the arrests were never made in the first place. Those women spiraled so hard, and they never saw anything resembling justice. This is one reason these situations may go unreported.
Something in common all the people had (and yes, I even know a couple men who were sexually assaulted) was they felt they must have done something to cause it and it was their own fault somehow. Even though it obviously wasn’t because no one deserves to be assaulted! They felt totally worthless, most didn’t want many people to know and wouldn’t have told their families. They were ashamed and just struggling not to drown.
This is traumatizing for Marissa, and she’d probably do best to get professional help. But in the meantime, plotting to steal someone’s boyfriend is probably the last thing on her mind. She was violated, and making sense of that and probably not feeling all the pain at once is closer to where she’s at. She does need and deserve a support system, but there’s a healthy way to provide support and there’s a co-dependent and unhealthy way.
So that brings us to your boyfriend… and that’s a different story. I agree with Raven that you’re better off letting this go, though if you’re serious about trying to work through it, Angiebaby gave really good advice.
Some perspective to consider: your boyfriend doesn’t sound like he’s surrounded by very good people (his best friend is a piece of trash, he’s estranged from his family), he lets his extreme emotions get the best of him, he has bad boundaries. You’ve only been together 3 months, there’s a lot of drama and you’ve just learned a lot more about his character and if you’re a good match. There’s a ton of red flags going on here. Yes, fine, when a friend gets assaulted it is horrible and you may feel just as helpless as they do because you can’t fix it for them even though you wish you could! But that doesn’t mean he needs to express his support by beating someone up and wanting to be there for the friend 24/7 at the expense of everything else in his own life. And you know that if he really said he “should never have broke it off with her”… well, that’s a big boundary issue for YOUR relationship. Perhaps that’s because he’s so blinded by anger and he’s already done, but even if it’s not, you’ve learned that this is how he handles issues. It’s been a week and he’s still taking what happened out on you without calming down enough to have a real conversation with you.
You should be taking this time to figure out if this whole situation is really what you want as opposed to you just thinking him coming back will make the emotional roller coaster you’re on stop and you’ll feel better. You were jealous prior to anything bad happening, which means he probably didn’t seem fully committed (since he wasn’t, if he could say he never should have broken up for her). If you do still want to smooth things over and he does accept your offer to help, it sounds like he will want her to be a sizable part of his life. So before you agree to it, you have to decide if you can accept that. If you can’t, it’s best to end it when you’re still very early into the relationship. I personally wouldn’t based on all you’ve written, so that’s where my advice comes from.
Don’t misplace the blame. Marissa needs help, because what happened to her is tragic. The way your boyfriend is offering that help is over the top, though, and that reflects all the other red flags I wrote about. I know it hurts badly to have a sudden change like this with someone you’ve been dating, but really reflect on what’s going on here (taking Marissa out of the equation, just looking at the current dynamic between you and your boyfriend) and be honest with yourself if this is the relationship for you or if you’re reacting to the sudden anxiety and withdrawal and intensity of an overwhelming situation.
Good luck and hang in there.October 11, 2021 at 1:48 am #927445
Honestly, I have tried my best to take Marissa out of the equation like you said and focus on re-evaluating the relationship between my boyfriend and I. I understand the red flags you are describing, it’s just overall, we’ve had a healthy relationship, so even though he doesn’t have the best family and clearly our friend group isn’t great either, he is a good boyfriend. He’s never done anything to misplace my trust, he calls when he says he will, he does ALOT for me around the apartment since he’s living with me, and when we have arguments (not big ones) he always talks it out calmly and reasonably with me. That is why I felt like the positives outweigh the negatives here. It’s true that I was a little insecure when hearing Marissa came back to our city, not because I felt like he isn’t fully committed, but I love him so I think it’s just a natural reaction. I certainly did not think he would leave me for her because like I said, right before me and my boyfriend got together, he told me about her. He said they weren’t dating and were very briefly together, basically a fling, before she had to leave for college, meaning this was a few months ago. And soon after she left he texted her to tell her that he got a girlfriend, which was me. So based on that, like you said Maddie, the way he’s handling this is over the top. I get that he probably cares for her in some way, but she’s not even an ex, so this seems like a massive overreaction to me. Maybe it’s because she’s only 18, so he feels protective of her since we are a few years older (he’s 20 and I’m 21), but it makes me think that maybe he felt a bit more for her then he let on, and that distance was the only factor that drove them apart, as he told me they said goodbye on good terms.
I know people here are telling me to let this go, and if I weren’t me, I would say the same thing. But I don’t know if I can do it, or at least not until he talks to me properly. Because it feels like one day, I had a boyfriend who I loved and who loves me, and then just losing him without knowing what the hell happened. Thank you all for listening to me, I will update if/hopefully when he texts me back.October 11, 2021 at 3:27 am #927482
Jennifer, again you’ve provided more information that sheds more insight on the situation.
You are all very, very young. The regulars here like myself and Maddie are considerably older than you so we have the benefit of a lot of experience with men and with life in general. And Maddie is giving great advice, very insightful.
We’re telling you to let this go because you can’t control another person. If he wants to end things with you, he can and he will. Hanging on will cause you to suffer needlessly. If you don’t want to give up hope yet, that’s certainly OK. The best thing to do is to accept what is, day by day. And right now, he’s taking care of her 24/7 and he’s not talking to you or a lot of people. So you can hope he will be willing to talk with you at some point and as he has his things at your place, he has to at some level. You cannot put your life on hold for him though. Take it from us ladies who are 30+ – do not build your whole world on a man and his love and approval. You always need to maintain a sense of yourself, even in the best and closest of relationships.
And I get you feel blindsided, but this is how life happens – one day, in an instant, things just change. You may or may not be able to get more information from the other person. And yes, feelings change – sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly. Sometimes it’s something you did or said, sometimes it’s absolutely nothing to do with you.
Take a big step back from this situation and do YOU.
We look forward to your next update. Always here to help. Hoping for the best outcome for you, whatever that looks like.October 11, 2021 at 7:06 pm #927707
Ahh, okay so my boyfriend finally came home earlier this afternoon. It was eventful to say the least. A quick rundown of what happened…he seemed to have cooled off and we talked for a really, really long time. I’m so happy he was able to talk this out with me and he listened while I explained my reasons for initially keeping her assault from him. He said it wasn’t my fault and that he shouldn’t have taken his anger out on me, but this is when he completely broke down, saying his overreaction was more about himself than anyone else. He started saying that since the day he met Marissa, he’s felt this obsessive need to protect her all the time. Obviously, this sounded very confusing to me and he said he doesn’t even fully understand it. My boyfriend has always been a protective guy, that’s one of the reasons why I fell in love with him. He went on to say how in the short time their fling lasted, he knows she has a slight drinking problem and on more than one occasion, had to pick her up from friends’ houses when she was completely intoxicated. I told him that maybe he should reconsider involving himself with her since she clearly has issues of her own, but he claims that she’s one of the most selfless girls he knows and that she was like this “bright thing” in his life, even though it only lasted for a little while.
So naturally, I was confused but tried my best to be understanding. I straight up asked him if he thinks he may have feelings for her and if it’s more than a fling because after that whole monologue, it really sounded like he does. His words were, “The last thing Marissa needs is a guy in her life. She’s my friend, that’s all.” After this, I basically dropped it and he explained how she came back to our city because her mom is in the hospital and that her dad would be flying back in on Wednesday. Btw, he was crying throughout all of this. He told me he “needs to go” but he’ll be back once her dad gets home so she won’t be all alone for right now. At this point, I wanted to cry but I wasn’t going to make him stay. I let him go. He told me how horrible he felt and that I didn’t deserve any of this, but that he still cares for me but he has to be with her right now. I told him the door is open and that we’ll talk more on Wednesday. So there it is. I’m glad we were able to discuss this like adults and we haven’t broken up, but it feels like we’re at a standstill now.
I don’t know if I can continue this, because it feels like he’s already chosen her over me. I don’t understand his obsession to save her, or whatever it was that he was talking about and I’m not sure if I care at the moment. I just feel empty at this point and this thread is my only way to release this and find some comfort.October 11, 2021 at 7:42 pm #927727
1. That’s a lot of drama that he’s inserted himself in. I think he loves it; it probably makes him feel needed. I think the whole group seems to thrive on drama.
2. He has feelings for her — don’t be surprised if he ends things with you because he’s “confused”.
(Sorry to be so harsh but you aren’t really seeing the red flags for what they are. Red flags do not make for a healthy relationship.)
I wish you well.October 11, 2021 at 7:54 pm #927732
Well, the good news is I don’t believe he’s romantically interested in her. Sounds like she reminds him of someone or he feels an overwhelming need to protect vulnerable or wounded people. I think he’s given you as much reassurance as he possibly can. I don’t agree that he’s chosen her over you.
You did right to let him go back. It’s two more days and then her dad will take over. God only knows what she’s been through. I don’t fully understand why he’s the one who has to do this – I don’t know if it’s because he’s insisting or if she doesn’t have anyone else who can stay with her 24/7.
When he gets back, he should be putting ALL his focus on you and making up for taking so much time away from you and reacting the way he did.
The next hurdle will be, will he want to keep in touch with her. That could get weird.
But in the immediate time, he needs to work to repair the damage he’s done. And you have to observe him carefully and see if this is really someone you want to be with long term.
Again, you haven’t been together very long and you two are very, very young. This may or may not be the man you are with next year, much less marry someday.October 11, 2021 at 8:00 pm #927733
I don’t see that he has romantic love feelings for Marissa. I think he saw her for what she is when they briefly dated – someone younger than him and a lot less mature – and it didn’t appeal to him for anything serious. I could be wrong. If Mama is right and he pulls the “I’m confused” card later, you have to drop him like a hot potato.
He has a strong need to be the knight in shining armor here for reasons we don’t know.
I think you’ll be able to talk much more and get a clearer picture of this and decide what you want to do when he comes home later this week.
This is a whole lot of drama, for sure. Use the next few days to clear your head and get in touch with your feelings and what you really want here.October 11, 2021 at 8:21 pm #927740
I’m glad he came back around to sit down and talk it out with you. It sounds to me like he’s being as honest with you as he can.
While I know this isn’t what you want to hear, I’m going to tell you something I wish someone told me when I was dating my college boyfriend around your age. You do not need to take on all of a significant other’s deep issues, especially after only a few months, especially at your age. Some people romanticize the ride or die idea, but healthy relationships with emotionally healthy people shouldn’t be this complicated and unstable this early.
I agree with the above that he probably enjoys some chaos and drama, in the sense that being a white knight to others may give him a sense of purpose or control that he doesn’t know how to otherwise provide himself with. He doesn’t sound like a bad guy, but he has a TON of issues. And he doesn’t fully understand them himself and may even be lying to himself about some of it. Which, again, doesn’t make him bad, it’s how some people attempt to deal with their own issues, especially when young and flailing around without better guidance.
I think you’re just seeing the tip of the iceberg here. I got in way over my head trying to be forever supportive and understanding no matter how my college boyfriend treated me. I don’t want to project my situation on to you and tell you to decide based on my experience. I just want to give you food for thought because my situation lasted 2 years, didn’t work out, and left me devastated. And in retrospect, it was largely because I decided to take on ALL his many issues that had nothing to do with me, which became a co-dependent mess.
Anyway, if you introspect and still want to make it work with him, take things slowly from here! You’ve done the right thing so far, giving him some space and letting him come to you as he’s ready. It still sounds like an uphill climb, because you’ll need to rebuild trust (and I mean HE needs to win back YOUR trust, not the other way around). And to that point, Angiebaby is right that you’ll get a clearer picture soon.October 12, 2021 at 1:03 am #927789
Ok, @Jennifer- Your BF is a ‘protector’ why wasn’t he watching out for YOU- his GF?October 12, 2021 at 3:05 am #927821
Wow, I must say this was a handful to read. Jennifer, I can only imagine what you’re going through right now and I truly hope this situation turns out for the best, whatever that may be. I agree with much of what has been said above about your boyfriend, that while he is no doubt a decent guy (he’s proven that in more ways than one), he does have issues he needs to work through, and that the most important thing right now is to really consider whether all of this heartache is worth it.
However, I want to express my opinion which is probably not what you want to hear, and seems to be at the other end of the spectrum here. To answer the question of your post, I think your boyfriend does love Marissa, in his own way. I say this because I had an ex that sounds just him. While the situation was much less dramatic and complicated than this, I recognize a lot of similarities between them. I was in your place before, but I can still be wrong because only you know your relationship best, so take what I’m about to say with a grain of salt.
Like your boyfriend, there was a girl my ex was never officially with, but it was obvious that she still had part of his heart. I refused to see the signs at first because I loved him deeply and I knew he cared for me to. But the way he treated us was just different. He was always kind and considerate of me, a good boyfriend overall. But whenever he heard the other girl was in some sort of situation which was usually bad, it was like everything else in his life didn’t matter and she became his priority. When I finally came to my senses, I sat him down hoping to get an explanation for his crazy behavior. Like your boyfriend, he broke down too except we ended up breaking up. Because he loved her this whole time. I could see it too once I finally stopped being in denial. She brought out what I couldn’t from him, and that’s emotion. Guys can date a lot of girls and not feel much, but when he finds one that can make his heart churn from the inside out, that’s who he’ll be with. Now, while this really doesn’t sound like a healthy type of love at all, I think in the mind of guys who have this “savior complex” mentality like your boyfriend and my ex, that IS what love looks like to them.
So yes, the way I see it, your bf loves her, or if he doesn’t now, I wouldn’t be surprised if he falls for her down the road.
Especially with these unusual circumstances that can bring them closer together. But again, this is just my opinion and how I felt after reading your post. For your sake, I truly hope that I’m wrong. All the best Jennifer, and please keep us updated!October 12, 2021 at 3:17 am #927823
I also want to add to what Angiebaby was saying..yes, logically he shouldn’t have any serious romantic interest in Marissa, who has her own issues to work through and still has a lot of growing up to do. But he also saw the bad sides of her (like the drinking problem), yet he still seems to have this extreme affection for her, which ties back to what I said about this girl obviously invoking all sorts of crazy emotions in him. Maybe a bit obsessive, but regardless, it’s there. A lot of the time, feelings don’t make sense. I would like to point out though, OP you said she’s in college and came back because her mom is sick? Sounds like she’ll probably be going back to college, so with that in mind, I doubt her and your boyfriend have any serious future no matter how much he might like her.