This topic contains 115 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Lady D 4 days, 15 hours ago.
January 29, 2019 at 7:20 pm #738039
I think if you think like a man relationships are not as difficult to manage these days. Women are behind in the changes that are occurring in relationships- men are at a huge advantage over women right now and I think it will be just a matter of time before we all see what’s happening and rebalance this power.January 29, 2019 at 8:29 pm #738047
Amy can you elaborate on that because I am serious when I say I want to learn how to do that. Don’t want to hurt like this again. Maybe I should have been rational and not believed he was still interested when he was still planning, talking, complimenting, texting and phoning up until the last minute. Maybe I should have realized he was ‘probably trying out ‘other people at the same time. Is that dating like a man or just taking it casual? How r they way ahead of us?January 29, 2019 at 8:44 pm #738049
What Lane said. 100%. Almost everyone who posts here about being “ghosted” is misusing the term.January 29, 2019 at 11:09 pm #738062
What I’m saying is that we give away way too much. We do this through texting, social media , and we put false hopes into this. Guys have never wanted to do all the work to get a girl to havexsex with them and now all they have to do is text- hey beautiful or like something we have posted on social media and we think it means something. It means nothing. Following through on plans, not buying everything he is saying, and watching all of his actions is what we have to do. How do you do this- a guy you like texts- hey- how’s it going gorgeous? You respond- doing great! And that’s it- you don’t have to encourage another thought because texting means nothing- it’s fun but means nothing. As women we put way too much credibility in superficial intimacy and then become intimate and then we are shocked when we encounter the guy who walks away or makes no effort any longer. We need to make them do some real work to get you.January 30, 2019 at 8:32 am #738088
“Women are behind in the changes that are occurring in relationships- men are at a huge advantage over women right now ”
It’s only a small percentage of men that have the advantage. A lot of women no longer need to rely on men and a lot of men are liabilities to women who can support themselves. So yes, good, solid, well employed men do have an advantage because the pool of dateable men is so much smaller.
What I think needs to be worked out now is simple etiquette around “casual” relationships and how that works going forward. Just because you don’t have a commitment doesn’t make it OK to treat each other poorly. Telling women (and men) that they are at fault when someone ghosts is not the solution. The solution is simply a new set of rules that relates to the casual relationships that become the norm when commitment ceases to be in our best interests.January 30, 2019 at 8:56 am #738092
I agree with both of you. You r right Amy, actions are what matter and we need to hold back our feelings. Since we are women and that doesn’t come naturally I guess that means filling your time with things you love (Missy), dating several men at once initially and learning to stop, look, evaluate before responding or jumping.February 7, 2019 at 9:43 pm #738961
KK, I’m curious… did he ever come back? I was ghosted too…, he came back after a month like nothing happened with no apology…a little excuse but not really sorry for what he did and I didn’t hold him as accountable as I should have. Anyway, we got back together (sort of) for a couple of months only for me to be ghosted again. Now it’s been about 2 months and I still haven’t heard from him…February 13, 2019 at 4:01 pm #739740
Hey all, I stumbled across this post and I am in the middle of grieving my “ghosting”. In a nutshell I was talking to this guy while I was going through my survey recovery process and my mother’s death anniversary. He was acting super into me and I tend to be skeptical of things like that because didn’t meet in person yet. We were talking, facetiming, and texting everyday. He was telling me how much he was into me and how he sees this working. When I healed we went out things were fine talking like usual and I established the do we still like each other after we meet in person. Second time I went over to his place cooked I stayed the night told him I think we are dating and explained what I think dating means he agreed and said ” this is definitely going to work out between us” I stayed the night. We continued talking like normal. 5 days later I ask him was he free for a date this weekend he said no I said ok then he went ghost.
I felt extremely anxious during this time because I thought every thing was fine I reached out maybe 3 times and said my final piece like if you arent into me anymore just tell me instead of leaving my messages on read. No response.
He blocked me on social then my friend called him out which I think made things worse but it did force him to give me an answer. The answer sucked “Basically started talking to and ex again and it was best for him to cut ties with me and that I was too comfortable for someone he was still getting to know.” While he was the one saying he wants me to be over all the time, wants us to sleep together and even invited me to go to Canada (which was a huge ask for only been talking a month). Also, I told him that I was remaining celibate until i was in a committed relationship.
So its been a few weeks but I still find myself grieving and I am tired of grieving. Does anyone have times on how to speed up the grieving process?February 13, 2019 at 4:25 pm #739742
Better off Single
It sucks when you open your heart like that only for it to get stomped on. I’ve been there and there is really no process to get over it faster other than breathe and tell yourself you’re gonna be ok. I’m sorry it happened to you.February 13, 2019 at 4:55 pm #739752
I am sorry for how you feel. But please do not confuse this for feelings for him. it is your ego that is healing, it is not real “grief”. You were hit into the heart, he treated you in a very harsh and cruel manner. You are healing from that.
To speed up this process what helps me is to assume responsibility for some part. To review mistakes you’ve made that nudged the situation into this outcome. And you did make those mistakes!
Once you clear those mistakes that you made, and and assess HIS actions accordingly (a person without consideration for others, with no empathy)), once you understand that it is your wounded ego that has been hurting, you’d feel much better.February 13, 2019 at 8:27 pm #739773
Hey thanks guys. I do realize my ego is really hurt especially since I don’t really date I tend to tread carefully. I feel as though I should’ve saw the signs since he was coming on super strong. As I reflected there was things I could’ve done differently but I still feel as tho my feelings didn’t deserve to be disregarded in such a way. I wish that healing could happen faster but it is a process. I appreciate y’all responses. But being ghosted really f****ing sucks.February 13, 2019 at 9:18 pm #739778
Better off single
and and assess HIS actions accordingly (a person without consideration for others, with no empathy)
You have no idea what the ghoster is going through that’s an assumption thinking this person lacks consideration and empathy.February 13, 2019 at 9:57 pm #739782
Better off single, I was thinking like that at first but I fell into n anxious spiral as he was leaving my messages on read (read receipts were in) early in the situation I told him I don’t like to be ignored because one of my exes use to ghost me often. I said I am big on communication. I said if you ever lose interest let me know he agreed and I agreed to do the same then he ghosted me after I told him how much it triggers me. I think he was being very inconsiderate and cold. I tried to think about what he was going through but then I remembered he isn’t thinking about what I am going through.February 13, 2019 at 10:46 pm #739789
Just because he’s not thinking about what you’re going through doesn’t mean he’s not going through something.
Assume responsibility for some part. Review mistakes you’ve made that nudged the situation into this outcome. And you did make those mistakes! Just don’t talk to him anymore when he answers if you feel that burned by it. Problem solved right? Would that make you feel justified?
if you ever lose interest let me know he agreed and I agreed to do the same then he ghosted me….It wasn’t verbal but he still let you know.February 14, 2019 at 1:12 am #739798
Grieving? After 2 dates? It sounds a little crazy. You chatted to a guy for a few weeks. It’s not real till you meet. Yet on your first date you already expected a commitment and told him you’re dating and you’re expectations etc. You didn’t even take your time to see if you actually like him, or get to know him. You just wanted to jump into a super serious relationship immediately. When men do that with me, I bail at lightning speed.February 15, 2019 at 7:47 pm #739989
So, I’m thinking back to all the guys I dated in my 20s before there was text and social media. Sometimes I would sleep with them, sometimes I wouldn’t but if I didn’t want to see them again… I just stopped taking their phone calls. I don’t remember it being such a big deal. It happened in reverse, too. A few of them just stopped calling me. I’m not saying it doesn’t hurt, but giving it a name and making a big deal about it just seems to prolong the agony.
They just aren’t that into you.