Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Dating multiple people – should i walk away if im not the first priority
- This topic has 16 replies and was last updated 4 years, 5 months ago by
Vera.
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Emcee
Hi
So i’m back with online dating. Met few guys and decided to delete the app to get to know and focus on 3guys. Among the 3, 1guy really stands out and i really like him a lot even though it’s still on our early stages of dating (we had 4-5 dates) no sex yet but lots of intimacy…the problem is i feel that he is also dating other girls and gut feel i’m not the number 1 for him. I know he likes me and interested on me…but idk i just feel it in my gut im not the first on his list. Should i walk away this early so to cut my losses early on or just be cool with it as it’s still very early stage?Vera
I think you could give it 4-6 weeks before you know for sure . Right now you think maybe you’re not the priority but soon you will know for sure if that’s the case and at that point you end it
Emcee
Thanks vera! I just like this guy a lot and i’m afraid that i will fall for him then later find out, he choose the other girl! Awww
Vera
You just have to tell yourself not to get over invested . Any guy (or girl) can walk away at any time in a relationship. Plus you don’t know him well enough to like him – maybe after a few months with him you wouldn’t want to be stay
Better off single
When competing for a man, you have got to make yourself stand out.
Don’t compete for a guy. If he was seriously interested in pursuing you, it would be obvious. Since he is out pursuing other women and you aren’t the first on the list, he’s either targeting the easy ones first probably just looking for sex or seriously interested in someone else.
How do you do your eliminating process? I wonder if his is the same?
Sophia
What would make you feel that? Has he mentioned other women?
Better off single
I get gut feelings all the time. It’s almost like when you click a link and nothing happens but you want something to happen to take you to the page where you collect your reward you instantly won in a drawing you didn’t enter because it’s a total scam, kind of feeling.
You’re talking to 2 other guys. Another one bites the dust. Re-Download the dating app and find another guy. If anything be your happy little self in your own universe and keep moving forward doing your own thing. Focus on the facts: He is just not that into you.
Better off single
Or chalk it up to this guy is emotionally unavailable and just wants the ego boost.
emcee
thanks you for the replies!
He is actually a very nice and very gentleman! 2 out of 5 dates, i went to his place, he didn’t take advantage of me. we kissed and cuddle but really nothing happened, our clothes are still intact! ahahahaha…in fact, i feel like i was the one more forward. haha..i think that’s why i really like him! i’m just the kind of girl that’s black and white. if i really like someone, it shows!! i wear my heart out on my sleeve :(
we see each other once or twice a week for the past 3 weeks and this week we were supposed to see each other tomorrow night but he cancelled just today and said he forgot he had appointment tomorrow (so i was gutted but told him, it’s ok) but he quickly said he will come see me to have a coffee as he really want to see me for this week probably this trigger my intuition that there’s another girl that he would rather see but of course it can also be just negative thinking :(with the other 2 guys, although i really enjoy being with them…there’s no butterfly feeling..i don’t know..although, it’s really very early stage of dating for these 3 guys..
Lane
I think its too early to walk away as that could change when he, or you, weeds out the others.
This is how I’ve always dated, although I never liked formal *dates* and preferred to engage in non-romantic activities like playing a game of pool, going to the gym, watching a band movie, bowling, going to a local event, where I would carefully watch, listen and observe to decide which one I liked the best. Some I dropped on the first hang out (what I call them), and others the 4th, 7th or 10th depending on many factors (communication, interests, character, trait, etc.) that I observed during the time we spent together. Interestingly enough, sometimes it was the guy I was the least interested in initially who turned out to be the guy I eventually, over time, had come to like the best! Actually married one haha.
Its not about the destination but the journey. Until you take the journey you don’t know which direction it will take you.
Lane
As a side note: I find what too many ladies disregard is that building an *emotional bond* with men is far more important than building a romantic one first. If you build a friendship first by engaging in *non romantic* activities, like you would hanging out with a friend is the best way to bond with a man. If he keeps wanting to spend time (outside of the sheets) with you he’s interested but it truly is how the two of you mesh in non-romantic ways first will help you to avoid a lot of mismatches when it comes to longevity—how long the two of you will actually last.
There’s a saying “Only fools rush in” and I find this to be very true! The thing is, people are naturally on good behavior in the beginning (first few months) but eventually their true selves are revealed and will start seeing the cracks or fissures (character flaws) that you didn’t see because you were operating in a fog (hormonal cloud) only to find yourself with a major lemon! It took this hard lesson for me to realize that rushing in is not in a woman’s best interest, where slow and steady, like the rabbit and hare analogy, will get you further in the romance department, than when acting like a fool when operating on the lust/infatuation level (hormonal cloud).
Liz Lemon
What makes you think you’re not his first priority?
Also, what makes you think he’s dating other women? Have you discussed it and he told you that? Or is this just your “gut feeling”? The problem with “intuition” and “gut feelings” is that if we are insecure, they can often lead us astray.You’re saying you’re the kind of person who thinks black & white, and wears her heart on her sleeve….well maybe this guy is more emotionally reserved than you. It doesn’t mean he’s not into you. From what I’m reading you’re making a lot of assumptions but I don’t see anything where he has definitely confirmed to you that he’s seeing other women. On the contrary, he sounds like he’s been very attentive. And now because he had to cancel a date, your mind is going into overdrive and you are assuming it’s because of another woman when there’s no proof of that. In fact he wanted to make up for the cancelled date by meeting you for coffee – that’s a GOOD thing! You should be happy. But instead you’re suspicious and assuming there’s another woman.
Having said that….you’re in the very early stages of dating. He has the right to see other women if he wants to. Just like you are seeing other men.
However, you haven’t said anything definitive about him making it clear to you that he”s seeing other women or that you’re not his 1st priority. It’s all just your “gut” and “intuition” which sounds more to me like your insecurity than anything, to be honest.
Sensy
Be elusive/ mysterious to him. It will make you the more attractive one.
Ann
Don’t make the same mistake I made! When I started dating my ex I was the same I was always worried about not being the only one specially because he had a harder time expressing his feelings and I was the complete opposite. I even started bringing it up just because I had a “feeling”. I ended up coming off as insecure and eventually pushed him away. Take it slow, don’t over think it. You said you were focusing on 3 guys and you’re trying to figure them out maybe he’s doing the same with other girls. You guys are nothing yet, so take it slow and don’t give in too quickly. This guy is giving you his time and attention that says a lot. Give him the benefit of the doubt
K
Be elusive/mysterious, it makes you more attractive… groan, not that old chestnut. Don’t put on a front and play games.
Emcee
Thank you girls!! Different perspective but rly learning a lot from all of you..
I guess it’s also because there has been a shift on our texting convo this week! It’s still too early but there was a decline on the way he sent me messages! I know eventually there will rly be a decline but i feel like it’s just sudden.. so there was a sudden shift.. he usually updates me a lot, telling me what’s happening but now, he still ask how my day was.. but that was it! Well…Vera
Yeah, no need to be elusive and mysterious . Guys can tell when a girl is playing games .
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