Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Comittment-phobe, hot and cold, should I stop having sex?
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coffee.
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Sarah
He: I am so sorry :( So, so sorry :( I would never in my life want to disrespect you, or for you to feel this way. I would do anything to go back, but I understand you. You deserve more than that, better than that. And your ugly friend I wouldnt touch if I were single, obviously I wouldnt touch her in front of you – and you were there the whole time, I thought it was strange that you broke up because of some imaginary touch and yet at the time we were all laughing, and I just leaned in..She is psychoMe: haha I know.Remember when I didnt take her call and you gettingall judgy, now you know why :D
He: Well, I kind of wish she was the reason, that could be fixed
Me: well.. Im sorry
He: No. I am sorry. I had forgotten how to feel before you, and I let my fear ruin it. I teach fearless trading and then I let my love life being destroyed. I cant believe that I have been talking about this for so long. I feel like a woman :PSarah
Me: Wellcome to the world of emotionally mature people :P
He: I dont like your place, I want to go back to my world, it was easier ;)
Me: well, it takes courage to feel. ANd if you had that courage to begin with, I guess we would be lying on your soffa , hugging. So no, this place is just fine
He: Ouch
He: Friends hug too ;)
Me: remember the Pluto ;)
He: hahahahaha I will get you back!
He: O no no no, I didn´t mean it like that, I mean I will get you back for the Pluto thing
Me: yeah yeahSarah
He: So, friend, how was your date?
Me: Super sweet,bad kisser, no chemistry
He: :( Why did I ask?
Me: No idea
Me: We won´t be going on another date. And I was just about to make the most inappropriate joke ever
He: please do, I need to laugh
Me: You wouldnt
He: Cmon, Sarah style, I can take it
Me: I was going to say “I wont be seeing him again, his penis was way too big
He: :o NOOO You were right. Stupid freakin joke
Me: Told ya. And for the record, that isnt the reason for not seeing him
He: So you SAW his dong? Why would you tell me that?Sarah
Me: NOOO! God no! NO! There was no chemistry, I hardly could take the awkward kiss. I mean I did not see his penis and his penis has nothing to do with me not wanting to go out again
He:Ok
Me: I know, stupid joke, I told you
He: You still want to use my conference room?
Me: No. There are too few people registered, so I can have in in my office so I dont have to bother you
He: Jesus,Sarah, you don´t bother me
Me: Just an expression. Don´t need it , thanks for asking
He: Why are you always assuming the worst?
Me: Im not, you are annoyed and doing that thing again, so lets just stop
Me:Listen, I sent you all the links to the other mail, I fixed the presentation and the grant proposals. You need to sign it, and schedule the new meeting with the ministrySarah
He: I´m so fkn sorry. I really am, I sat down and read everything we wrote. I am the one behaving irrationaly, I am the one getting my ego in the way. I am hurt and I am trying to find faults in you. And you are the one actually saying no just so you can still see the best in me. You are amazing
Me: Im trying :)
He : “you don`t need to try..”
He: Every girl I know, as soon as a guy hurts them goes ” what an idiot” then badmouths him to everyone who would listen, but stays with him. You came to me, and ended it because you wanted to still like me. To me it´s just unheard off. You are one of a kind Spacecarb ;)
Me: Hahaaha why would I badmouth you, it`s my responsibility to make sure I´m happy.
He: No wonder I fell so hard
Me: Because of that???
He: No, just because of how you are, the whole you
Me: Even my toes?
He: Especially your toes ;)Sarah
Me: :)
He: Is it ok to tell you I miss you?
Me: I have no idea. We ll figure it out, Im sure. Now lets work, 3 deadlines dude
He: 4!
Me: 5!
He: I wasnt counting, its 4!
Me: Oh. I`ll take the calls for proposals, you talk with the investors.
He: Already done, If you need help, come over. I won´t try anything , I promisse, but If you do, I´m here
Me: I know you wont , I need to have my course tomorrow too, so I need to fix that first. If you want, Im free for coffee tomorrow morning
He: Let´s see
Me: You can´t commit to cup of coffee, and you wonder why I left :P
He: Sarah!!!! No, the trader from Prague is coming by 7, and I don´t know how long he will stay, do I really need to explain it?
Me: No. You didn´t when we were together, and certainly you don´t need to now. It was a joke. But obviously, it´s not ok to joke anymore :(
He: Carbs!!! Stop it now
Me: Stopped already
He: Good
Me: See ya
He: You think? What if I run, forget about you, never call you again? :D
Me: Then I wont :)
He: :P You will, I´ll text you in the morning when the guy vanishes
Me: K, bring the documents
He: yeah, need to work. You fix the tickets
Me: K.
Me: NightSarah
so there it is, mmystery solved, Im confused as ever, but relieved and now work mode, peeps thanx, especially Jade, hannah, sara..take care, maybe we ll talk again!
Really
Sarah
Are you bi polar… Seriously? All these posts and of your texts?
Lol…. Piece of work.Sarah
When I follow a thread, I want to know how it ended. When I comment, I don´t comment to be mean, to make myself look good or to heal my complexes and low self esteem. I comment to help when I think I can. Most normal people here are that way. I could not get the whole convo into one, so I had to disect it, as I know some well meaning souls want to know how it “ended”, as I do with other people.
Calling someone bipolar is not an insult, it is a mental disease, nothing to joke about but also really stranhe way to insult someone. It would be like if I asked you ” do you have osteopourosis or something?”. People can´t affect their diseases, so this just shows your level of empathy (low), imaturity and intelligence. I am sorry that you feel so unhappy in your life.
Really
I’m very happy. Married and successful.
You blabbering and ego minded thread just rubs me the wrong way. But good luck with things.
I assume English isn’t your first language since you write so poorly.Meemee
Really – everyone is different…. Just be a little nicer… lol
Jade
Wow. That’s a lot. I didn’t read all of it but I did see that you said that the mystery is solved and that’s great! Hope it all works out!
Hannah
No problem Sarah! I should’ve asked how long you’d been seeing each other and he’d been acting like you described in your initial posts for months. If I’d known this was only for a few weeks and his pulling back was one day, I would’ve told you what I’m going to say now…
This is all very new. You’re thinking too much! There are no guarantees early on in a relationship. It’s good to look for red flags but you can also drive yourself insane and push a guy away by over thinking.
BUT is your gut is telling you something is off? Is that why you were over thinking? Do you normally or just this time? Don’t think about the answer, what do your instincts really say?
So how long have you actually known him? How long were you dating?
alia
He is busting your boundaries still, I hope you see that. He still lacks respect for you. He is acting like this because he can and you are answering all his questions. A large part of why he is acting like this because you went on a date, i.e. “moved on”. This guy will turn out obsessive and possibly abusive, so protect yourself and establish real boundaries.
Sara
Yep, we’ve been in very similar situations! I’m sorry too that you are going through this, it’s really hard, especially since we can’t stop over-analyzing (I too over-analyze).
Based on your posts since my last comment, it seems like you and him were casually dating (some people would use fwb to describe this-the lines can be blurred between IMO), which is completely normal for seeing each for such a short time. A lot of guys I know need to start off casual in order to genuinely know if they want a relationship with the particular girl-I actually think this is a great option! I do think you need to relax more because you seem to be pushing things too quickly (especially since it’s been only several weeks). It really sounds like he’s feeling a lot of pressure and it’s probably a reason why he was acting distant. Though I do thinks he actually likes you. Whether he likes you enough to pursue a relationship still needs time.
Depending on what you and he wants, there can be some potential here for a relationship. However, it would be best to take things slow (wait before becoming intimate) and wait to see if his actions are supporting his words. I say this because some guys will say a lot of stuff just to get you into a casual relationship with them. I’m not saying that is what his intentions are, I don’t know him, but in order to really know going slow is best. If you’re still interested in dating him, my advice would be to have fun for awhile, letting him lead most of the time. But first, have an idea of what you want and stick with those boundaries, otherwise he won’t think you are serious in what you say.
Sarah
Jade! I knowm yey :) Thank you so so much :)
Hannah! I overanalalyze for sure, and I do it always, not often this early tho, but this guy just felt so so so right in the beginning. Yeah, we had been dating for about 3 weeks when I posted :) And you are right, I should relax more. Even he tells me that. I feel great, and then I go home and obsess over it, never telling him anything, but its like he has a radar. I started with this with my ex and it just got worse over the years. My gut was telling me he is great, but you need more from him, But my gut is always telling me that. My job consists of reading people and subtle signals so I pick up on everything, a sigh, a weird euebrow movement, so I go home and try to put the pieces of puzzle together, why did he do it, why why why :D Now its not important, but good to lear from! Thanx :)
Sarah
Alia! Exactly wHAT did he do to disrespect me, and HOW exactly is he moving my boundaries? Some people just cant take being wrong , can they?Honestly, I feel your issues with men are deeply rootet and you should get some help. It is not normal or healthy to be this suspicious towatds anyone.. I have seen other post, in every single one you tell the girl how the guy is using her, leaving her, is a douchebag, idiot, dead beat. Not everybody is your boyfriends, not every men is horrible. This guy had always been amazing, and now he is amazing as a friend too. He respects my boundaries, does not call me at night, all he does is stares into my eyes sometimes and smiles at me, but I cannot take that away frim him. You really should work on your problems instead of projecting them on the rest of us.
Sarah
And ghahahahaha abusive and possesive??? He is the sweetest, most calm down guy I have ever known. Even his ex said so, as I accidently got to know the girl, she came as a client. You really need to work on your issues.
Sarah
Sara! You are really not up to speed :) I broke it off almost a week ago and he basically told me he is in love with me (I copied his msgs, check above) and has been for a long time. He also got annoyed when I said that we had been casual. He basically got scared and ran. This guy would never lie, he is just that kind of person, so he wasnt decieving me, he just got way invested too fast and needed to pull out, I however lost my feelings and dont really want to date him anymore, hoping to be friends, and since we hang out everast if its not right, and even if i felt it was, it wasnt. Thanx for the adice y day, its working despite his feelings. He got a call from a female today while we were out, and I felt that was ok, no jelousy, although I sense he is not too happy about me being available to others. Anyway, I move fast when somethung feels off, and i dont want to be w soeone who will pull away
Sara
Yes I remember that you want to just be friends, and that’s great! I’m commenting because the dating discussion seemed to be going with some other comments, and also in case anyone else reading was in your situation.
I think there’s a misunderstanding by what I mean when I said casual, I apologize. If I’m not mistaken, it seemed like you guys weren’t official? In my terms, serious would be official and past the initial dating phases. What I mean by casual is that you two are dating/in the process of getting to know each other, and can be exclusive if both parties agree, but are just not at the official/serious stage quite yet. So a guy can be in love with you if you are casually dating.
I wasn’t implying that he was deceiving you. What I meant was that he thinks you two are moving too fast and got scared (you said so yourself in your last comment).
But all of this doesn’t matter since you said your feelings are gone. Just thought I continue my advice in case you changed your mind, since it kind of seemed like you weren’t sure when you posted the conversations.
Sarah
Sorry Sara,could be a language thing, for me casual is something like a fwb so probably its my bad understanding of every day english 😄 You are right,we were dating for a month and werent official. I do like him,but I like myself more so I choose not to go trough it,but It feels nice to know he liked me for real and fell in love like I did. Not that somebodys feelings should reflect our own value but it sure feels more reassuring ;) Thank you for all the kind words and advice! Sara(h)s rule! ;)
alia
Sarah – thanks for pointing out my potential lingering resentments towards men. It really gave me food for thought. I am going to spend some time thinking about what you said.
What I meant regarding your guy, I believe he has issues. And I believe they are control issues, and I think he is trouble. Take it or leave it.
Coffee
Sarah you are a member of Mensa and you write with so many typos?
Even if english is not your mother tongue, that’s weird. It’s not mine either and well, I am distracted by your typos.
I think this is all made up.
sarah
Alia, I really mean it in the best possible way. I have a friend that called my ex boyfriend (not this guy)an abuser after I told her that he wouldnt hold my bag when he was mad. When we get trough bad things , we start generalizing alot and it does effect our lives in a bad way. In life, we usually get what we expect from people, and it is not different in love. If we go into a relationship just waiting for the guy to be a douche bag, it is bound to happen. I had those issues, always on the edge, always just waiting for the red flags. Even if you dont say it, guys can sense it – and it might ruin many good loe stories. I really wish you the best. Regarding the guy , Im sure he is not very possesive. I spend most of my days with my best friend – who is super cute (girls turn around when he walks by), succesful AND I have had sex with him in the past, which this guys also knows about. Despite this, he has never shown any sign of jelousy. Even if he was tho, not much to care about as I dont date him anymore. And btw, jelousy does not equal possesivness, it is something that moder times brought, people can no longer say that something is not ok, as being jelous is seen as something abnosrmal. Its not. It´s ok not to want your partner or somebody you love not to kiss other people..I guess it s a cultural thing too – in my culture it s ok to demand certain things, it s socially acceptable, while being FWB is not something any girl with options would ever do. I guess we are just all different.
Court
Kill us all now!!!! Jeez!!!!!!!
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