Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Cheating Mindset ?!
This topic contains 12 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by M 5 months, 2 weeks ago.
I was joking w my bf of 9 months about me cheating. He jokingly said “if you did then I’d beat your ass” Now that’s not whats concerning, he’s not violent. He was just using a type of speech. What’s concerning is he said he wouldn’t touch the other guy because “he’s just being a man” and now i’m upset and wondering if I should be?
Yes, he feels it’s okay for men to cheat.
Yes, you need to see better men!
Wake up. If any man says “I’d beat your ass” in any context, it’s VERY concerning. And if he’d consider it 100% your fault and not the man involved, you have a caveman on your hands. This is NOT GOOD. It’s not even funny as a joke and I don’t think it’s a joke, although he will probably claim it is if you ask him about what he really meant. What do you really know about this man? This is pretty weird to say after 9 months of dating. Open your eyes and look at who he really is and what his behavior is really like. I’d be on high alert with one foot out the door if a man I’d been dating that long talked to me that way.
I’d beat your ass.. people just say such things when askd hypothetical stuff and in jest! Not necessary he will literally beat u! Unless he does exhibit violent tendencies.
About the other thing! Maybe he doesnt care about the other man sleeping wid u bec he doesnt know the other man! Hes ur bf and you wld be the one cheating on him!
Come on @Tammy- I would NEVER tell someone I would beat their ass.
So it’s ok for a man to sleep with a taken woman, but when a woman sleeps with a taken man she’s a homewrecker? Either way, always blame women. OK.
@ raven. You may not. But he might have said it in jest.. i wldnt take this one thing he said too seriously unless he exhibits other unfavorable behaviour..
Emotionally healthy men don’t EVER. EVER. EVER. say “I’d beat your ass for cheating”, even in so-called jest. Those words wouldn’t even come into a decent man’s head much less out of his mouth. Only a low class, low value man would say something like that.
Sure thats your view… as i said, if this is just one thing he said in jest, i wldnt take it too seriously. Unless he shows other violent, controlling tendencies.
Oh geez. He is talking about biology, in that, men think with their d’s and have no qualm having sex with a taken woman. He was merely explaining that guy’s like to Fu&$ as they have hundreds of sexual thoughts a day due to their high level of testosterone. It was simply his way of saying that he understands how men think/act [because he is one] so he wouldn’t get angry at the guy if you cheated on him but he would definitely be hurt/angry with you, hence his sarcastic/rhetorical/tongue in cheek remark that he would ‘beat your ass’ if you did. However, if he personally knew the guy and the guy knew you were in a relationship then I could see some guy ass kicking going on too lol.
I wouldn’t worry about it. You never really know if a person is going to cheat, even if they say they haven’t or won’t doesn’t mean they will remain monogamous. There are a lot of variables/reasons involved for those who cheat, so there’s no way to know if one will or not, including yourself. All you can do is remain attentive. If you start seeing a partner change their patterns; such as hiding their phone, coming home late, lying, creating arguments, things like that, then its a good sign they are considering it, or engaging in that activity.
I agree with you lane. What you said makes total sense..
Sam, there’s a LOT of research to back what AngieBaby is saying. This is a red flag. Tread carefully, you’ll start to notice others.
I’m guessing Tammy and Lane are good people who can’t conceive that a man could say something like that and actually mean it.
I’m here to tell you, BELIEVE WHAT HE’S TELLING YOU. Remember we say here, when a guy’s words are negative, believe them? This is one of those times multiplied x Infinity.
He’s telling you what his belief system is, and it’s not only deeply misogynistic, but also abusive.
I’m sure people aren’t going to agree with me, but that’s okay, because if my post helps you and keeps you safe, then it’s worth any flak.
Start to pay attention to how he shows up in the relationship, and how respectful he is of how you feel and what you think. (Spoiler alert: you deserve to be respected and how you feel and what you think matters!!!)
You may start to notice controlling tendencies that you’d just brushed under the carpet before. If you do, think very very very carefully about what life will be like if continue to be in a relationship with this man, and the toll it may take on your self-esteem over time.
Violence doesn’t always show up in physical forms.
I highly highly highly recommend you work on yourself and really tune into what your intuition and gut are telling you. Make YOUR OWN voice the loudest in your head. And learn to trust yourself. You’ll know what’s right from wrong.