Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Casual sex and strong feelings
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 4 years, 2 months ago by
Peggy.
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alex2020
I am 32 years old and met this 26 year old woman on tinder 1.5 years ago. She had just broken up from a 5 year relationship and just wanted to fool around with guys, which was perfect for me because I was not looking for anything serious either.
Sex was amazing for both of us, but communication was problematic right from the start. She would answer my texts after 6 hours or the next day. She always seemed aloof and uninterested. Even though she treated me like she didn’t want to see me anymore, she would always get back to me and meet me once every 1 or 2 weeks just for sex (which as I said was awesome).
The problem is I started to develop feelings for her, and at some point I realized that I had never loved someone so much. I know it sounds ridiculous but she was the only thing on my mind 24/7 and I was crying all day long. I had been in long term relationships in the past but I never knew what it actually meant to be in love until I met this special lady.
At some point after one year of knowing each other, I took her out for a drink and told her how much in love with her I was all this time. She said “you should be really lonely, I feel sorry/pity for you”, and she disappeared.
It was her choice to let me go so I did not contact her again, until 6 weeks after that, she sent me a text at 5am (probably drunk and horny) telling me that she’s thinking about me a lot and she wants to see me again etc.
So now we’re seeing each other again once every month or so and just for sex. I still have the same feelings for her and I feel terrible/miserable every moment I am not with her. In other words, seeing her is not good for me!
Any suggestions? Should I humiliate myself again by telling her how much in love with her I am? Should I pretend I’m cool and say nothing and wait to see what happens? Should I just leave her? But I can’t just leave her!!!Tallspicy
Oh no! Do you think she did hear you the first time you told her? Do you think by telling her, her feelings will magically change? I am being harsh so you understand.
The only self loving and respectful thing is to end it. Otherwise you are saying “You told me you were unavailable but I really like you anyhow and I’m going to take whatever bull honkey you Send my way.”
You need to do some work, maybe with a therapist about why this suits you. She sounds awful, seriously.
I suggest you send the following text
“Lisa, I have been thinking about it and I think it is best we no longer interact. It is clear we are not on the same page and I need to take care of myself. The door is open for a real relationship, but it is not for this semi relationship we are in. I ask that you no longer contact me unless we want the same things. I have truly enjoyed our time together and wish you the best.”
Tallspicy
Oops, did you think she did not hear you the first time.
Sarah
You MUST walk away from this now. Protect yourself. She has been very clear with you. Your only options are to accept the situation and be miserable and heartbroken and used or end it and love yourself enough to put yourself first and find something where you both want the same thing. It will feel much more amazing than this one sided arrangement. Don’t fool yourself into thinking she will come round. She won’t. Get out now whilst you still have some self preservation left.
Peggy
Agree with the others. I also submit that it is possible you “loved/love” her because she was elusive and unavailable. It does not sound like,besides sex,she has anything of quality or compatible traits to offer you.
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