This topic contains 5 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by kaye 9 months ago.
June 1, 2020 at 2:48 am #791764
My ex dumped me suddenly about 6 weeks ago. The first couple of weeks I was desperate and didn’t do the no contact – messaged lots and poured my heart out. I pulled it back and let things be for a couple of weeks and then he came over to get his things. I thought we’d left things fairly amicable at that point – we both needed time out but were civil – and I hope in time he would see sense.
Had not made contact for 2 weeks, then on Sunday he blocked me on all social media – which really hurt. And I caved and messaged saying had I done something to anger him. He said no, just thought it would help move on. I replied again saying ok – I miss you but understand. And now nothing.
I don’t want to contact him again – I have nothing to say, but I really want him back. Do you think I’ve blown my chances? Or can the no contact rule work after breaking it?
Would really appreciate your thoughts!June 1, 2020 at 3:31 am #791765
The no contact rule is not designed to get someone back. It is designed to keep you from living in agony or giving out sex with your ex.
I’ve been there- it’s hard when you still love that person. Honestly, though, he knows how you feel and the best thing you can do is grieve the relationship and start working on yourself. Often, when you’re busy living your life they come back, but in my experience that doesn’t pan out that often. My ex heavily pursued me when he learned I was dating a doctor, so it was like a game for him. And his love wasn’t genuine- it was about ego. And you don’t want someone coming back to you because of their ego or because you’re contacting them a million times and they feel sorry for you. So take some time to get strong and find someone who will value you. Good luck.June 1, 2020 at 5:39 am #791772
sorry to say while your still hoping for a reconciliation and getting back together, he has already checked out post breakup. and now tying up all the loose ends and cutting off totally from you. you need to accept that this is over and start moving on. he hasn’t told you he is having seconds thoughts or needs a break or given even an iota of hope that he may be back or will consider reconciling in the future. nothing at all. sorry to say but really there is nothing u can do when the man wants out.June 1, 2020 at 6:13 am #791773
I think you’ve misunderstood the no contact rule. Its NOT a tool to get him back its a tool to get yourself back and get over the break up. There is a theory that sometimes men come back after no contact but its not a given that it will happen. The object in that respect is to cut off access, live your life and maybe send a brief tester text after having no contact as the man has had the opportunity to put aside and not focus on the bad bits of the relationship. That only works in cases where the guy is ambivalent about the break up.
In your case there is no ambivalence. He ended, left it a couple of weeks so you can process things before getting his stuff back and then blocking you so you can both move on. There is no hope at all for you in this situation. It is time for you to heal and move on xJune 1, 2020 at 8:30 am #791778
If it helps, you didn’t blow your chances. What was going to happen would happen regardlessJune 1, 2020 at 9:57 am #791785
Did he give you a reason for breaking up? A lot of times the reason for breaking up has much more to do with whether or not a couple will get back together than whether one or the other sticks to no contact. He blocked you for a reason. And that reason may be he’s started dating other people and doesn’t want you to see it. I know that’s not what you want to hear but you need to prepare yourself for that reality. Especially if he suddenly dumped you. Could be someone else came into the picture. He had picked up his things from you and blocked you on social media. That looks like a man who is working on moving on and I would suggest you do the same.
It’s really the only choice you have. And if he begins to realize you aren’t sitting around waiting for him to take you back and are living your life and he starts to miss you then it’s possible he could come back. But you can’t live your life hoping for that outcome. You just have to live your life for you!