boyfriend abused my cat and left for the night?!I'm so confused! plus more

Take the fact that this person can treat your pet this way. It is a warming that things wii likely escalate to anither level and you and/or your pet will pay the price. Anyone who can hurt something or someone you love doesn’t love you. It is just ine step away from hurting you. I rationalized away all the signs and my dog ended up getting stabbed five times. When this happened, all the warning signs suddenly became crystal clear. And if I hadn’t escaped, it would have been me.

Thank you everyone for your posts. I have not been on in a while figuring things out and working in school very hard because semester is coming to the end. I had a talk with him and everything has been good so far.. he ended up doing some really nice things for me which made me feel like crap.he has not touched the kitten ever since I have talked to him.. my father WILL take in the cat when I feel anything arise as well as myself. My boyfriend is aware that people know about what he did to the kitten in the past. The kitten has come around more instead of hiding in my boyfriends shadow. But if I see anything different I am ready to leave. We have been in mini fights nothing major but he now knows I will chose the kitten over him I’d he pulls anything stupid. I am sure he realizes how serious I am about everything and how serious I am that I would leave if another problem arises. You guys helped me so much to realize how strong I am. I know I have not completely left yet but we are working on it. I truly am taking everything seriously. And I have read everything and I see where it could possibly lead.. I do see the good and it has changed for good right now. But like I said I will def leave if a problem arises again. You ladies are all wonderful and have helped me realize I am not the crazy one. He knows my feeling. I will keep giving updates. I know most will not be happy I’m still here but I know what to do if it happens again and it will not go far. :/ thank you

Thank you Stefanie. I appreciate you not spitting in my face. That encourages me to keep writing you about myself with updates. I was a little nervous to reply on the site for the fact of my own decision. I do believe in keeping the kitten safe as well as myself but the kitten will NOT be left out of my site. I completely understand. He is my responsibility and will not be tolerated with any type of mistreatment. I appreciate your response and I did come to you ladies for help and advice and I did not want to leave you hanging for the results for now. I am hoping we can work things out and if not I am not scared to leave if I have to. I will be sad but I will be strong enough to do it. Thank you for everything. I appreciate all the help and advice. I know certain things are blinded by love and it is hard to just leave as easy as it is said. But I will hold to what I stated before. :)

Good deal sweetheart. Wherever you are, I am thinking of you and picturing you as safe and happy.

It’s your life. You are on the path determined by you and you will learn on your own schedule in your own way. There will be some others here who I”m sure will give you some tough love so be prepared not everyone is going to like your choice and they will be vocal. It’s just that some of us have been through abusive situations and we know that men don’t change easily who have hit and hurt women, animals, children, etc.

What kind of a moron would want to stay with such a cruel person? You must be desperate to have a man (and I use that word loosely) That cat can’t protect itself. That’s YOUR responsibility. Please don’t get anymore pets until you grow up.

By the way it’s a proven fact.. Men don’t respond to words… But they d to actions.

LAgirl you’re right across the board.

I”m pretty unhappy she’s still there. Thing is, Ton is pretty young and she’s going to learn this from her own experience – as we all have done with some things at some point. As I told her, they don’t change. My stepfather and mother have been together for 30 years now and the BS never stops. The guy I was with some years ago who had a rage problem was not going to change. My best friend at the time told me that if I went ahead and married him knowing what I knew, she didn’t want to speak to me again until I left. Fortunately, I had the good sense to know not to go ahead with the wedding. And when I told him it was over for the 6th time and meant it, and started packing, he threatened to kill me and blame someone else… yet within a few weeks denied he said it and was calling every other day asking why I didn’t love him anymore!!! Remember, guys who abuse are sick (probably abused themselves) and need help. Hating them doesn’t make it better.

She’ll learn in her own time. My concern is for that kitten, who doesn’t have a choice and who is dependent on her for its care. I am convinced he will hurt the animal again. I”m a member of PETA, RSPCA, Cats Protection and I swear if I could go get that cat off her, I would.

I’d ask everyone else who has a comment to refrain from name calling and abuse – it isn’t going to help her. Speak your mind bluntly if you want to, just please be constructive, she’s in her early 20s. Let’s stay in positive support of her. It took courage for her to come here for help; scaring and shaming her away isn’t productive. We’ve ALL stayed with guys we shouldn’t have.

Absolutely agreed.

I wasn’t making excuses for her abuser. My mother’s been doing that for 30 years and it’s pathetic. It just helps you not to get entangled in their s*** to know they’re sick, rather than wasting your energy pushing back against them and hating them. You just have to walk. I also hope she walks and I’m very concerned she’s going to get hurt while learning you can’t trust someone who abuses you as he he has. And if she were my daughter and I knew what happened, I would have gone ballistic on that guy.

But she’s gonna do what she’s gonna do. Someone already predicted she’d stay.

Ton- I have been a regular reader of this site for some time. This is the first time I felt undeniably compelled to respond to a post. So much so, I can’t type fast enough-so no surprise if there are typos.. PLEASE STOP MAKING EXCUSES-AND REALLY LISTEN. I believe you are regularly monitoring the updates to your post-but are intentionally unresponsive (because deep in your heart of hearts you know the advice to leave him is spot on)-you just aren’t ready to accept it. Before you get upset with what I have to say, let me explain. The advice from these very smart women before me is wise (in telling you their experiences w/abusers and how it will only get worse). I was with an abuser from the ages of 19-22. I was engaged to him. It was my first serious relationhip. The first year it was only verbal. He would tell me that he loved me more than anything and couldn’t live without me…. and then proceed to say the most awful things. He was always sooo sorry afterwards (even crying and inconsolable). Then one day he threw me out of his moving car on a busy highway (in NJ!) Everytime he’d apologize and say it was only because he loved me so much. Four years of my life wasted with this guy, I could go on and on with the stories. Everytime I got fed up enough to leave, he became Mr. Wonderful. Sweet, caring, thoughtful, loving, affectionate-you get the picture. And each time his anger was simmering in the background, waiting to explode the next time. THIS IS NOT LOVE! NEVER WAS LOVE-NEVER WILL BE LOVE. Your self-esteem is severely damaged-that is not an insult-it’s a fact. Every victim of abuse suffers this-it’s the first casualty. You can not build your self-esteem up while you are involved with him. And you will only see this for what it is (not any form or version of love) until you are away and get the emotional help you need. I’m sorry-but your parents are idiots. They need a kick in the head. Someone needs to love you enough to get you help. My family did that for me. Let me tell you what love is, since I’ve said what it is not: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it IS NOT EASILY ANGERED, it keeps no record of wrongs (don’t misconstrue that one to dismiss his bad behavior!), Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. IT ALWAYS PROTECTS, always trusts (this does not mean you should trust him!), always hopes (don’t keep hoping he will change for the better though-he won’t long term- only for a little while to placate you). You are in an abusive relationship, he is an abuser. HE WILL GET WORSE-you will probably continue to cover for him, as it will likely be small things that escalate. You are already covering and making excuses for him. We have been there-we know. We did it. YOU THINK YOU ARE DIFFERENT-YOU THINK HE IS DIFFERENT-AND THIS RELATIONSHIP IS DIFFERENT AND “we don’t understand” .Every victim of abuse has these thoughts and feelings. I did until I got away and healed myself and found self-worth again. YOU CAN NOT HELP HIM. YOU CAN NOT HEAL HIM. YOU CAN NOT UNDERSTAND HIM. He will hurt you. Physically, emotionally, and mentally, he WILL hurt you! You may have a grace period, but it will begin again. I guarantee it. It sounds like some of it may have already resumed and you are blocking it so you can cope. It almost always begins with the verbal nastiness before it escalates to the next level. And guess what, when they know you might actually leave, it gets very violent. I have no doubt my ex would have killed me. I don’t know if your P.O.C (piece of crap) will kill you-but I’m positive he will hurt you and that poor little kitty. Everyone here is so frustrated because we know you are making excuses for him, we can see you aren’t going anywhere. You are fooling yourself right now when you say it-but I think you know you don’t intend to leave. I know-did that too for a long time. Right now you want so badly to believe he will be the man you want him to be. Do you know the saying “Wish in one hand-shit in the other, see which hand gets filled first”? Well let me tell you, it won’t be the hand with the wishes. You need to get out of there now-as in yesterday, as in leave everything and have an adult (or better yet an adult escorted by the Police) get your stuff. I don’t actually believe for one second you’ll go. But I had to try :(

If I’m reading this correctly: after you jointly decided you didn’t want and couldn’t handle a cat, you went ahead and got one anyway?

Some people aren’t cat people. I’m not a cat person and if my partner bought one home there would be an ultimatum: either I go, or the cat goes, same as your guy.

You bought an unwanted pet into his living space. His reaction is understandable. What you think is ‘cat cruelty’ is just how cats need to be treated until they learn they are not in control of a home.

I think the situation is simple enough: get rid of the cat & keep your guy.

I hate trolls…

What didn’t I get, LAgirl?

They jointly decided not to get a cat:
“After going to the pet store and seeing what we had to deal with we decided against.”

She went ahead and got a cat anyway against his wishes, and still seems to think it was a nice thing to do:
“to surprise him I got a kitten about 2weeks later ”

He treats the cat like a cat:
“not nicely hold the kitten by the back of the neck”
– yes, that’s how you carry a cat.

“if the cat scratches him because he wants o be put down that’s when my bf attacks and gets pissed”
– the boyfriend is trying to teach the cat not to scratch

She still doesn’t ‘get it’:
“saying it’s him or the cat makes me so sad”

You can’t bring another living thing into someone’s living space without prior discussion or consent and expect them to be okay with it. She made this massive imposition on his life, and now she can’t understand what’s wrong? What’s wrong is you did something you’d both explicitly agreed you weren’t going to do, now you can either make it right, or go find another guy.