BF suddenly so busy with work- How to deal with it best?

It’s natural to miss someone you’re close to, so please stop feeling guilty.

The only good way to deal with it though is to be busy doing things that you enjoy so that you aren’t focusing on missing him so much.

Are there any clubs/groups/meetups that you’d like to join? Can you arrange to see your friends more often?

HI NYC.

This is something you are going to have to deal with and accept if you want to be in a relationship with this man. My ex was in the military, gone for weeks/months at a time, so I had to suck it up and accept that this is his CAREER, and if I couldn’t support it then I need to be with a different man.

Yes, it was hard, especially when I didn’t know when we would speak (could be weeks) or see each other again (months) because we didn’t have VM, internet or cell phones at the time, so if I wasn’t home when he called, it could be another week or so until I heard from him again. Bottom line, you have to learn how to adapt, overcome, and find better ways to fill your days up so your not so reliant on him.

Get some hobbies, find a couple meetup groups, volunteer. I did which made the time go faster because I wasn’t relying on him, had to rely on myself, and that’s the type of woman a man needs to feel like a winner in life. Trust me, a man will chose his career over you if he feels your becoming too demanding of his time. A man’s work will be up and down, and if you can learn how to ride the waves, trust me, he will pay you back TWOFOLD when it calms down again :-)

@Jippity: Awww, how nice of you to say that. And I think this is the first time I am missing him a lot because suddenly the pattern of communication has changed due to work but you’re right, the best way is to keep busy. Luckily, I have a lot of friends around who I am meeting often and I also spend time at the gym so that I am busy enough to miss him less :)

@Redcurlysue: This makes so much sense. ‘So, you have to face the fact that occasionally this will happen and be good with it…or leave. The choice is always yours….but changing him…that is not possible….and you will hit your head against a wall trying.’
And yes, you’re right, if he were a doctor then I’d totally understand so I will understand this too and he has even explained the whole thing to me so I should just relax and be understanding. Thank you :)

@Lane: Really? You dated a guy from the military and that’s how the communication was? I have so much respect for you and I think that itself is enough for me to just drill in some sense in my head and be mature and understanding with the situation. Because if women can deal with weeks of not talking then I really should not be making a big deal out of not talking for a day or two. I’m trying to be busy with my friends, work and the gym. And yes, my ex and I broke up because his career took away too much time and he could not deal with a career and a relationship (And he came back to me after a year because it was calm but I was already dating the current guy then and had gotten over the ex) and this guy has been really nice about the whole thing. And you’re right, he will be nice to a point but if I get too demanding he could feel like he’s made to choose between me and his career and he may pick his career so I’ll just focus on my life, send him a few happy messages here and there (and not expect him to reply in a certain way or call me often) because he likes hearing from me and has told me so and just look forward to meet him once all this dies down in a couple of months.

@Hannah: Thanks Hannah for making it sound so easy :) That made me smile because you’re right. That’s what there is to it really. And from what I see he’s doing his best to make me feel loved, ie: small things like sending text messages with kisses and words of endearment, explaining to me how the deal process works, assuring me that my work thing will go okay and that I’ll be visiting him soon etc.

So this is what I’ll do: Keep very busy with my friends, family, gym, work etc and send him a happy message or a photo of me when I feel like it and not pressure him into doing anything over the next 2 weeks?

Thank you all for making it so simple for me :)

Thank you Jippity :) Yeah, so while he is stressed out and would like the communication to be organic I think he suggested the ‘every other day’ thing because of my feelings and because I am used to talking every day. You mean let it be the whole ‘Every other day thing’ till he suggests something else? I mean when I feel like sending him a picture or just checking on him, I can, right?

Hi Claire: Thanks for your message. Nah, this is the first time I am posting here because this is the first time that this is happening. Yes, there is an end date to this. Around 4-5 months from now, I’ll be moving to his city.

Okay :) and after 2-3 weeks if it still says busy then maybe we can have a talk?

Thank you so much Jippity :) and as I read your message, I just got a text from him that said ‘hope you had a nice day sweetie. Kisses’ so yes, I’ll just reply to him and let him be because it seems like he’s doing his best. And yes, it’s just a couple more weeks. Yay :)

And while I know I sound beyond negative.. I used to get excited by a stupid text message too. If that’s all th effort it takes to make you happy and feel better I would suggest you file that away in ur head for future consideration.

In your case it may be fine, but if you are craving his attention, finding yourself down for hours or days because of it, and one txt makes your world? That sounds sad…on many levels.

Ummm, okay first of all let me make it amply clear that I have never had to ‘beg’ him to call me or any such thing, ever. Right from the start of the relationship he has called me everyday even if it is at least for a few minutes. He even makes it an effort to be in touch with my family every once in a while and his family with mine/ me. This is the first time that he is doing 3 deals together and he said that instead of talking everyday, if it’s okay if we talked every other day. and I have lived with him for a month or so and my family is friends with his family so I know that he is definitely not using his time to speak with other women or any such things. In 8 months, if 3-4 weeks get busy then I don’t see a problem with me telling him that I miss talking a lot and him doing his bit to keep me happy by including long skype sessions over the weekend etc.

Lane: Thank you for sharing your story and kudos to you for having dealt with it so well :) And you’re right, it’s something that I’ll have to adapt to and overcome if I want to survive because this is not a movie lol

Okay, tell you what? Does he keep you happy 80% of the time? Are you not asking for his time/ attention most of the time? Is this the first time that he is so busy? Is he still sounding as loving as before? Do you trust him? Is there end to the LDR?

If your answer is yes to all of the above then you’re fine. Every relationship has ups and downs and you have to deal with it if you want to be one. Also there is no guarantee of a future in any relationship (even marriage) so you do you and you do your best and you learn from your mistakes. Don’t plan so much on every little thing. Keep busy and do what makes you happy and respect his busy schedule and give him space when he deals with it.

I think you are doing okay. The more you think about it, the more you’ll obsess and that’s a waste of time.

NYC, everything sounds fine hun, please don’t worry.

I’m glad he messaged you, it sounds like he’s taken your feelings on this seriously. That’s lovely.

It sounds really promising to me :-)

NYC, I know it’s easier said than done! He sounds like a great boyfriend going through a busy time. Don’t worry! Just be there for him without putting any pressure on. You have no idea how much a man appreciates a woman that doesn’t get needy and add stress to his life when he’s already stressed!

I get what Claire is saying. I’ve had a guy who was always busy and there was always an excuse. I have a feeling he was up to shady things as well. But for you, this is a temporary thing. Assuming all goes back to normal, it will be fine in a couple of weeks.

One thing though. When he does become free, remember he’s had a stressful few weeks. Don’t be offended if he wants some time to himself. My work is project-based and I have to neglect everything sometimes to make deadlines. When I’m finished, I just need a few days to unwind, clean my house, get up to date with everything, etc.