After 3 weeks of NC, he texted me


Home Forums Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals After 3 weeks of NC, he texted me

Viewing 14 posts - 1 through 14 (of 14 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #440764 Reply
    Kitty

    It’s been 4 weeks since I last saw him and 3 since I last heard from him. Out of the blue, last night, he sends me a text: Hope ur having a great 4th of July and doing well… (smiley face). I have no idea why he reached out: drunk, horny, trying to relieve guilt, adding me to his collection of exes (who are friends), testing the water… Who knows? And, it doesn’t really matter, I guess.

    I will admit, although I was shocked, I did feel a slight, very slight, sense of satisfaction that he reached out. But, that feeling is gone today. Today, I have felt irritated, sad, etc. I cannot help but be reminded of all the time he has spent with his female “best friend” in the last month and that if he’s lonely, he should contact her…

    It is one text. It is meaningless. There is no indication anything has changed. I have not responded. And, I suspect he will not reach out to me again if I do not respond.

    #440772 Reply
    redcurleysue

    I get several birthday texts from various people…that is nice…it is meaningless…he probably texts 50 people Happy Holidays…it is meaningless just goodwill and nothing more.

    Do not respond. Ignore any other feeling beyond “That was nice.” and move on without thought.

    #441960 Reply
    Kitty

    You are right. I wish I could have just brushed his text off. Unfortunately it brought all my feelings rushing back. Over the last few days I’ve been quite emotional and all over the place… Today was the first day I’ve cried in awhile and it took me some time to stop.

    I have not responded to him but have thought about doing so off and on. But then I think what would I say and what is the point? I really had hoped his reaching out was the start of him coming back to me. But it doesn’t seem so… On the other hand I wonder if I were to respond if he’d feel it was OK to come forward. But then I think nope if he wanted me back he’d try a lot harder! See I’m all over the place.

    Next week is my birthday and I almost kind of expect I’ll hear from him. But I may not. Either way it seems I will be let down.

    I’ve been keeping busy but am still thinking about him constantly… I don’t know when I’ll stop missing him. Ugh.

    #442120 Reply
    SnarkySab

    Kitty,

    If he does reach out on your birthday, do NOT respond. Men will randomly text women for YEARS after a relationship is done in the hopes of getting a response and boosting their own egos, knowing the woman remembers them.

    Nope. He doesn’t deserve it. IGNORE!

    #442122 Reply
    Jenny

    Awe, I’m sorry :( True, it’s prob an ego thing… Did you guys just fade out??! Me being more heartless and detached than most would respond “Hey _______! Good to hear from you. My 4th was great, thanks. Hope you’re doing well” Then he’d crawl back, I’d toy with him a little, lure him back in then leave him high and dry just when he was getting comfortable… Burn me once and you best believe you’ll quickly realize it’s POSSIBLE to get back into my good graces, but only once you’ve jumped through a couple hoops of fire :)

    #442124 Reply
    JR

    Don’t even bother responding to that at all. He made no attempt to ask you how you are doing, all he said was “Hope ur having a great 4th of July and doing well… (smiley face)” that text did not even warrant a response. Not even, “How are things, hope well, any fun plans for the 4th?” That would be something to respond to.

    I’ve had old flings reach out but they at least attempt to talk.

    #442125 Reply
    Greenie

    It may be surprising to get a text here and there “out of the blue”. But it means nothing. Remember why you went no contact in the first place. He’s trying to get an ego boost by finding out if you still care about him/miss him, and wonders if you’d maybe be up for some horizontal action. Don’t reply!

    I like this quote, maybe it applies here?

    “Don’t be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You are deeply missable. However, he’s still the same person who just broke up with you [and broke your heart]. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he’s choosing, every day, not to be with you.” ~ Greg Behrendt from HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU

    #442136 Reply
    Mo

    Total EGO boost! Don’t give him the satisfaction. Stay strong!!

    #442139 Reply
    Anne

    Jenny… you have a lot of drama going on in your love life and the advice you gave shows why that is. If you don’t want people playing games with you… don’t play games with them. You get back what you give out, sooner or later. Your life. But I seriously wonder why you feel compelled to give such twisted advice on this site to women seeking how to get into and stay in healthy relationships.

    #442141 Reply
    Anne

    Why does anyone want relationship advice from someone who describes her own self as “more heartless and detached than most” and who is not in a stable relationship? Just asking. You seem proud of how you use men for your own amusement.

    #442187 Reply
    Miss_Aspiring

    Greenie, I love that quote! A punch in the stomach, but a necessary one. Thanks for sharing that.

    #443243 Reply
    Kitty

    Thank you all for your advice. I still have not reached out to him, nor have I heard anything further from him. My birthday is in two days and can’t help but have some expectation that I’ll hear from him. Again, if I do or don’t , I think I will be let down.

    Then, today, I get invited by a mutual friend (his long-term best guy friend and the one who introduced us years ago) to a wine tasting tour taking place three weeks from now. This is the second event our mutual friend has invited me to that my ex is also invited to. (I turned down the first invitation.) I have no idea if my ex will go to this one, but I do not feel comfortable going. I have not responded to the invitation yet, though nor has my ex as far as I know…

    I do not stay friends with exes because I see no point in doing so (unless you have children, which I do not.) I have also never been in a situation where I have a number of mutual friends with an ex. (A lot of these people are also invited to the wine tasting.)

    Anyway, I still have emotions all over the place. At times, I am really angry (because I am hurt) as to how he treated me. Then, I get really sad and cry. I still wish he would come back and fight for me, but I do not think he cares enough or is man enough to do what he would need to do to regain my trust in him. Because of things he has said and done, I really do not trust him. This confuses me as to why I miss him…

    #443244 Reply
    Miss_Aspiring

    “I wonder if I were to respond if he’d feel it was OK to come forward. But then I think nope if he wanted me back he’d try a lot harder!”

    You are exactly right when you say this. If he wanted you back, he would make the effort. Period. This guy does not want you. So stop wanting him.

    Decide right now that you won’t feel let down on your birthday. This is your decision and yours alone. Do you have plans for the day? In general, fill up your life with your passions. What are you passionate about? Spend time doing what you love and being with those you love. Avoid the mutual friends with this guy for the time being. You aren’t ready to see them, and you definitely aren’t ready to attend an event which he might attend. Focus on you and building yourself up.

    Here’s something you can implement easily: Spend time every morning making yourself hot. Hair, makeup, clothes, the whole nine yards. I’m not saying dress up in a ball gown, and I’m not saying dress provocatively either. But make yourself look good. It may sound superficial, but when you look good, you feel good. And when you feel good, you project confidence, and people respond to that. Meet other guys – dating sites, going out with friends, etc. I agree that staying friends with exes is hard, and you have NO obligation to do so. You owe him nothing.

    Just spend time on you – be yourself – be hot – put your phone down and get to living!

    #443248 Reply
    Kitty

    Thank you, Miss. I am really busy! Typically, I have plans 3-5 times per week (this was the case even when we were dating, mostly due to school at the time.) I recently started a tough training routine, too, in preparation for an upcoming race. And, if I do say so myself, I always look good! LOL! Seriously, I have not let myself go (in my physical appearance).

    I have plans this week from Thursday through Sunday. And, you are right, I will only be let down on my birthday if I let myself. But, I hate to admit it, each time I get a text or my phone rings that day, I will be expecting to hear from him… :(

    And, despite all my social activities, I am definitely not interested in meeting any new guys. I admit I have a fear of dating right now. (I have never had that.) All of the mutual friends we have thought we were a great pair and none discouraged me from dating him. In fact, they encouraged it. Given what I knew of him, I never thought he could or would hurt me. If someone comes recommended, I fear how a stranger may treat me…

Viewing 14 posts - 1 through 14 (of 14 total)
Reply To: After 3 weeks of NC, he texted me
Your information:





<blockquote> <code> <pre> <em> <strong> <ul> <ol start=""> <li>