This topic contains 12 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Kkrache 2 months ago.
January 25, 2017 at 1:11 pm #595530
I only see my boyfriend once every two weeks or so. We are both busy with work and active social lives. We’ve been dating for 5 months and are exclusive. He’s made it clear he only wants to date me so I don’t think he’s cheating. The last month I’ve initiated all the dates. He initiates all the texting. In the beginning we saw each other weekly, I’m concerned he’s losing interest. Why would a guy commit to a girl he only wants to see occasionally. I do think he is genuinely busy but he’s made no move to integrate me into his life (I haven’t met his friends or family). His parents don’t know about me or is coworkers but he has said he told his friends about me.
January 25, 2017 at 1:49 pm #595534
T from NY
Amber, he is a boyfriend in name only if you are only seeing him twice a month! I think that you know that him not integrating you into his life, introducing you to people he cares about and not MAKING TIME to see you means — he is not that into you! He could have two other girlfriends with all the time he has (Regardless of how busy work or social events are)
That’s why you wrote this post. You know something is not as it should be.
Do not be afraid to express to him that you want more time and to feel more a part of his life. If he gets pissed or scared or distances himself — you will have your answer. Be calm when speaking to him, but make a decision if you are going to continue to put up with this if he shuts you down. You deserve to be a real girlfriendJanuary 25, 2017 at 1:51 pm #595535
Have you met any of these friends? What do you two do when you go on dates? While I wouldn’t see anything wrong necessarily with going to dinner with just him most of the time, I would’ve thought after 5 months you would’ve been integrated into some of his social plans (but not necessarily ALL of them, but some).
I would be careful. In these situations your gut really does know best (as much as it sucks to get away from the guy). I haven’t had any good experiences with guys who do not want to see a girl at least weekly… especially after 5 months. I was in a relationship for 6 months that ended in November like that, finally got it out of the guy that he just wasn’t sure how he felt about things and left it. Current boyfriend I’ve been dating for a couple months and it’s black and white, finally seeing that there is a difference between being the “chill girl” who lets her boyfriend do things without him and the “chill girl” that he can use when it’s convenient…January 25, 2017 at 1:59 pm #595537
Hi-if he is so busy that he can only meet up every two weeks-you are not his priority. He is over-filling his time with things that do not include being with you. You should not be planning/asking to go on dates. It should come from him or be a mutual plan at this point. At 5 months people usually know if they are in love or getting there and planning to hang around for a good long while. Because you see each other so infrequently ,there has been no chance to really bond,know each other. Whether this is deliberate on his part or a by-product of the “busy”-really matters not. The bottom line is,it is not progressing.
I would stop contacting him first and stop all date planning. If he tails off even more ,then,that will be your answer and you can just drift apart. If he steps it up and seems to put more effort in,then you could say” Do you picture us spending more time together going forward and meeting each other’s fsmilies’?” See what he says-if he starts to tell he has no time,is not ready for that-let him go,as he can’t be the guy you want. I hope this helps.January 25, 2017 at 2:00 pm #595538
I think it depends on what he is busy with. Does he work 14 hour days? Have children? Travel often for work? I have a career where 14 hour days are common and no matter how much you want to see someone, there is not a ton of time.
To me, a gut knowing is a quiet, tiny voice. Fear is a screaming ball of fire. What does this feel like?January 25, 2017 at 2:01 pm #595539
I’ve met some of his friends and a cousin in passing. On our dates we usually will do some sort of activity and/or a meal. I’ve spoken with him that it bothers me we don’t spend more time together and he agreed but that was 2 months ago and nothing has changed. I mentioned recently to him that I’m struggling with the amount we see each other and that I need at least one night and week. He said he’ll think it over and get back to me with a solution on how we can make that work with our schedules. I’m wondering if there is anything else I should do or say at this point.January 25, 2017 at 3:14 pm #595556
He said he’d think it over so the ball is in his court. Don’t initiate any plans. He knows you want to see him more. See what happens if you drop contact with him and if it fades away, well there’s your answer…January 25, 2017 at 4:11 pm #595574
You know he isn’t your BF don’t you?January 25, 2017 at 5:18 pm #595600
He is busy..with other women
you’re a back-up
a secondary option
he’s stringing you along
He throws out a few crumbs to string you along
When his ideal girl comes along, all his side chicks will be discarded
Don’t talk to him ever again and you will leave with some self-respect.January 25, 2017 at 5:35 pm #595604
Girlfriend – Fiancee – Wife
Titles are worthless if you don’t receive the actions that go with the title.
Drop him like a hot potato.January 25, 2017 at 11:11 pm #595666
Does he call you his girlfriend?January 25, 2017 at 11:41 pm #595671
Never agree to “exclusive” unless you know the terms!
Its so damn hard dating today where neither the men or women seem to know what the heck their doing. It used to be so darned simple but this generation almost seems to be floating around with all these terms that have no meaning. Either your a GF, Fiance or Wife…if a man can’t give you any of those titles then RUN.
Honestly I wou;d tel; him “I will not be exclusive unless I’m your GF and I see progress, if not, then I will not agree to be your FWB” (which you appear to be). Take the exclusive off the table and start dating again…that’s taking your POWER back, not subrogated (enslaved) to a man who can’t fit you into his life! Set him straight or get off his hamster wheel going nowhere.March 17, 2018 at 3:44 pm #693439
I’m struggling with the same issue. I know he’s not cheating but he works normal daytime hours and has no kids. He’s very introverted and loves his alone time but once every two weeks isn’t going to work for me. Especially if the goal is to be together forever.
Thanks for your post. I don’t feel so clueless.