You should not be dating if…

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  mama 1 month, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #788648 Reply


    This forum has become a virtual cornucopia of women who are not emotionally healthy. I know that this is a weird time, but here is a list:

    You should not be dating:

    A. If during a pandemic you are worried about any man who is not your boyfriend.
    B. If during a pandemic you are worried that the man you are dating is not contacting you every day and are therefore worried he is losing interest.
    B. If you overthink every text
    C. If you continue to contact men who dumped you are made it clear they are not investing
    D. If you are worried your neediness is scaring men away instead of working on why you are needy in the firstplace

    Anything else ladies? Seems to be a million more…

    #788650 Reply


    … If you’re “crushed”, “gutted”, “heartbroken” or “devastated” when a guy stops contact after a handful of dates (or worse, no dates).

    #788653 Reply


    What I”m about to say will ruffle some feathers. I genuinely don’t mean to insult anyone.

    Tallspicy – This site hasn’t “become” any such thing. It’s always been this way and this is the place for anyone to address their issues. There are of course common themes that repeat over and over. That’s to be expected. This is relationship kindergarten where even the youngest beginner gets to ask anything anytime. And they probably won’t get it the first time you tell them the solution.

    Everyone – If you find the questions repetitive, annoying or tiresome, it may be time to take a break from posting here. If you find yourself giving the same advice over and over and over, it may be time to take a break from posting. If you are a relationship expert with answers and formulas for everything and have nothing new to say, it may be time to take a break from posting here or even leave altogether because you’ve outgrown being here. If you need to constantly police the site to scold and shame violators of social distancing, it may be time to take a break from posting here. Or better yet – start a coaching practice to help clueless daters and bonus, get paid for your time and wisdom.

    Food for thought. I’m not going to revisit this post and argue with anyone. Just my two cents and observations.

    I’ve been here about a year and don’t post a lot any more because I just don’t have time to be here as much as I once did, I’ve learned what I needed to know and also I decided unless I can really say something helpful that hasn’t already been said, I’m not going to post. I certainly tire of the same questions being asked – but we have to respect there are new people cycling through here all the time and it’s not new for them, and if they had the answers themselves they wouldn’t be asking. We have to be patient with them to some degree while they learn. Scolding and shaming doesn’t help.

    #788654 Reply


    You cannot date if you think the alphabet is A, B, B. Lol, no im joking. I know what you mean, im just not sure if your list are reasons not to date. I think most people that stay here, have done some of the things on your list and went Cray-cray. I did once, honestly im a totally balanced person but i changed into totally crazy person overnight. But when that happened i also just lost my house to a fire, lost my job and major surgery. So circumstances were more important than my normal self. When you are low, you meet the strangest person and cling on. I call these people you run into when you are at your lowest patient zero’s. From there on you recognize every clown. Or at least thats my hope for all here. Temporary insanity.

    #788666 Reply


    I dont think those are reasons you shouldn’t date. They are not emotionally healthy behaviours for sure, but often they are things to learn from. I was clueless when i first started posting on here. I literally cringe when i recall how i discovered this forum … i was a bit of a mess and all in a tiz because i had become infatuated with a man and was all in acting like a gf when he was not my bf. Not even close. I wasn’t in a bad place or needing therapy i just liked the guy and basically lied to myself.

    Even when I’ve learnt new things and i would say I’m in an emotionally good place – i still make mistakes or let hormones get the best of me. Mistakes are how we learn.

    Some posts are repetitive but that’s because people are new here and they found here because they are upset and struggling. If they are sensible then they will take the advice they are given and stick around to keep on learning. I think reading posts on here is almost like a refresher? Like i recognise so many flags in someone’s post and it helps me in solidifying my learning. It also helps me to remember that a lot of us struggle with relationship stuff at times, get sucked in by common behaviours or need realise a thing or two.

    I spoke with an ex recently and when things had ended with a slow fade i remember saying that he had used me for sex. It took reading posts and advice on here to realise he hadn’t used me at all- he just took what i offered and thought i was chill with things being casual because he had told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship and it was my bad for not listening! I said sorry to him because he didn’t do anything wrong. It was a me problem – he had been straight up.

    Anyway, i would say that if you do all or some of those things mentioned by the OP all the time then there is an issue but if its the occasional crazy moment its no big deal!

    #788667 Reply


    This is a good thread — you’ve all given great opinions about the original post, which had a good point as well.

    I think the first response is the most spot on. It is kindergarten and a lot of topics will get repeated with newcomers. And maybe it’s time to take a break if one can’t be patient or helpful in their responses. Anxiety levels are at an all time high, and a break is probably the best we can do in some cases.

    Best of luck to all of you. I don’t envy those who are still trying to find love in the time of coronavirus. Honestly I’m not sure what advice to give at this point, so I”ve been fairly quiet.

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