Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Why do we send out mixed signals?
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kaye.
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relaxy taxi
I’ve come to realize that I send out mixed signals (I’m female).
I know it stems from fear and I know it’s my job to overcome.
I prefer not to share any personal details but if there are any like-minded females that are comfortable with sharing what has worked for you?
Dangerouse
Do you mean that you pretend you’re only slightly interested, but at the same time flirt?
Raven
You need to give some details if you Really want advice or insight…
relaxy taxi
“Do you mean that you pretend you’re only slightly interested, but at the same time flirt?”
No.
If I am interested I want to try to be around the person more.
I think mixed signals tend to occur from a place of vulnerability. Decoding flirting is challenging for both members of the opposite sex.
Ss
I’ve been told i send mixed signals. A male friend of mine i dated briefly upset me recently by saying he was glad he didn’t date me for longer because i am “a heartbreak waiting to happen” . He said I’m a flirt and a tease and poke men like i would poke insects with sticks. I was upset as what he was referring to was a friends date where the next day he said he had to stop himself from asking me to go back to his place. I was shocked and said so, then he told me i had flirted with him all night- i absolutely did not!
I’m a very friendly chatty person. I guess i could be considered charming and there is a side of me that likes to be liked and i can put on what i call the “Ss show” where I’m always the one to tell funny stories or say things to shock – its just who i am in public but there is a very insecure side to me that not many people see or would guess i have. My “mixed signals” are just me keeping people at arms length. This friend said what he did and it made me consider my dating too – men often think I’m interested when I’m just being friendly and chatty on the date. Even if i don’t see potential in someone i still stay for the date and have a nice time but apparently this confuses men!
Anyway, my point is i don’t set out to flirt but apparently i do flirt and after what my friend said I’ve been much more mindful of how i might come across and that has been difficult for me as its not natural and other friends have asked me whats up as I’m not myself!
So, what I’ve taken from this is that if I’m not intentionally flirting but if a guy thinks i am that’s his problem or mistake.
I don’t think many people intend to send mixed signals but maybe its not us sending the mixed signals but the person receiving has just interpreted things wrongly.
Better off single
You get mixed signals for a variety of reasons…
You’re a naturally happy, funny, kind, and compassionate individual who has no problems talking to anyone, you’re bound to have people get infatuated with you and they get the wrong idea because you are a nice person with a heart of gold and do not like hurting others or seeing other people hurt.
Not letting go of your past relationships causing you to compare your current person with them. Say you were abused, once you finally get out if it, it still takes a looong time to heal and accept not everyone is as fu×ked up as your ex(s)
Most of the time i dunno if i want something serious or if I’m just really horny. I absolutely hate the feeling of being tied down and feeling obligated to keep him satisfied (trauma from controlling relationships and being dominated) I’ve been happier single and I am not sure I want to give that up. So that sends off mixed signals. I’m tired of being jerked around like im something special and then ditched like I’m not worth it. When I start caring about the person and spend more time with them, it confuses me even more because I dunno if it’s love and I want to spend the rest of my life with this guy or if I just want more sex.
Mixed signals can be from fear of opening your heart up, going all in, being vulnerable and getting rejected. or mocked. or laughed at. or humiliated. Especially when you have good intentions and they’re just naturally a cold hearted person who doesn’t respect or trust anyone, they only care about their own agenda winding up bringing out the worst in you.
Insecurity causes mixed signals
I take a lot of steps back when i get mixed emotions because when i fall it’s really hard. And there have been a number of times i fell and nobody caught me. It’s not something i like experiencing.I’ve been seeing a guy recently and i have liked him a really, really long time. (I used to fantasize about him in highschool) I’m kind of giving off mixed signals currently. I was shocked he even initiated a conversation with me from the start and it scared me off a few times. it isn’t intentional. I get these intense feelings that are sometimes even too intense for me. When I’m with him face to face, i come off boring because i never know what to say or talk about, so i hardly speak and just listen. Luckily there’s never a dull moment with him. Its not that i am completely boring, he doesn’t realize how much it blows my mind it’s actually happening and I am at a loss for words. I’m also trying not to get my hopes up either and taming the hopeless romantic crazy inner psycho is so gosh darn hard sometimes.
He’s known to be the type of guy who talks to multiple women until he decides who he wants. It bothers me, it’s nerve wracking, it makes me hate feeling like bachelorette who can be eliminated any moment or that maybe im just being used. So there’s this push and run away because I’m a coward who does not express feelings well… So far his interest has been consistent and I am dreading the day it isn’t anymore. It’s happened too many times, so i am kind of expecting it.
Mixed signals stem from fear and insecurity and not having the ability to fully trust another person with your heart, mind, and soul.
relaxy taxi
@Better off single
That was very insightful and helpful.
Thank you!
Yes, it can be scary to feel vulnerable.
I notice when I start to feel vulnerable I try to be mindful of what I am feeling.
I found this quote “Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?”.
I put it as a little sticky note on my computer to help keep me centered.
kaye
I’m confused by your post. It’s not clear if you are truly talking about mixed signals or you’re talking about having to step back a little when you start falling for someone and feel vulnerable. Are you pushing people away you care about for fear of getting hurt, are you intentionally sabotaging relationships, or are you emotionally unavailable and don’t realize it? I think we need more detail if we’re going to provide any good insight.
relaxy taxi
@kaye
“It’s not clear if you are truly talking about mixed signals or you’re talking about having to step back a little when you start falling for someone and feel vulnerable”.
Yes on both questions.
“Are you pushing people away you care about for fear of getting hurt, are you intentionally sabotaging relationships, or are you emotionally unavailable and don’t realize it?”
No, it’s not intentional.
I’m not comfortable expanding into any more detail with regard to those questions.
I am working through that on my own.
Time BOMB
….Thanks for the advice…
I think the best thing to do when you want to see where it goes with a person, have mixed emotions about it, and want to avoid being vulnerable, is:
-to live in the moment
-focus on your own personal goals… instead of your fears about them that probably won’t come true/aren’t true, or a fantasy future with them you would want to happen.
-To not expect a damn thing. Do not be attached to the idea it will work out for you or be attached to the idea it won’t.
-be ok with who you are and it will hurt less if it doesn’t work out because you stayed attached to your goals not another person.
-stay true to yourself, warm, and friendly.Sometimes it’s good to stay busy to keep your mind off of the other person to center your emotions about it. It’s harder to figure out how you really feel when you’re constantly bombed with his attention. So maybe turn your phone off for awhile.
kaye
I understand you might not be comfortable, but that’s the beauty of an anonymous online forum!! If you can’t even share and be vulnerable here where no one knows you then how do you expect to be able to open up and form an emotional bond with anyone else?
People could come here and share their stories all day and you might not get one shred of helpful information from it because it is irrelevant for purposes of your issues. And how do you expect other people to be open and honest and share their deepest thoughts and insecurities when you aren’t comfortable giving us any more information to help you? It’s like you’re asking us to throw darts with a blind fold on!
Why not give us one example of how you think you are sending mixed signals? It’s up to you but if you can’t engaged in the thread more than yes or no answers this thread will die out and you will get nowhere.
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