Why do they go quiet once they "have you"


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  • #411187 Reply
    Rach

    Me and this guy have been seeing each other a few weeks,it’s going very well.he would text me a lot.A few days ago we both admitted our feelings and said we have fallen for each other,I’m happy about this and I know that he is to.today tho apart from an Hours phonecall this morning I haven’t heard anything! Why does the contact lessen once we become “theirs” is this normal?

    #411191 Reply
    Amy S

    Well I think any guy that talks for an hour on the phone is doing well tbh. How much
    More do u need. I take it he has a job ? X

    #411194 Reply
    Rose

    They know they have you and relax because they know you’re not going anywhere. They are not as good communicators as women and are not as much into texting and phone calling. Among them their conversations don’t go past a few words, dude nods, some grunting and that’s it lol … Once they feel you safe they stop or diminish their hard work and start being their usual. Don’t worry, the important thing is that they continue to ask you out and have a great time.

    #411195 Reply
    CalLady

    Contact tends to get less after a few weeks because the intensity of the initial conversations just can’t be sustained in the longer term. Sooner or later, real life intrudes and people have to take care of things like work, groceries, housework, etc and just don’t have the time to spend all day every day texting and talking. Once they are secure that they like you and the feeling is mutual people (not just guys, seen a few women make the same comment) get back to taking care of other business they have in their life. It doesn’t mean they are taking things for granted, there are other red flags for that, just means that at that specific moment of the day they have a different priority. As long as the rest of the relationship is good I wouldn’t worry about it.

    BTW, there are many people who would consider an hours phonecall more than adequate contact for the day (I’m one of them).

    #411197 Reply
    Rose

    Yeah, I actually think an hour long phone call is a bit too much, you should keep them under 15 minutes to keep him interested and coming back for more and not over sharing which may lead to getting the guy bored.

    #411202 Reply
    Daisy

    If you just started dating him always assume that they are talking to others… SO he is probably entertaining the other… thats why you should have other friends as well… dont be overly concerned about it or he might just be busy

    #411205 Reply
    Rach

    He does work but has today off,he’s been on Whatsapp all day but not messaged me on there since midday :( the hours phonecall we me ringing him and doing most the talking! He said to ring him tho,maybe I’m just being paranoid? I just feel like after he says he’s fallen for me wouldn’t there be a lot of messages today etc?

    #411213 Reply
    Rose

    Don’t obsess with this. Relax or you’re going to start being needy and he’ll run away. Don’t call him and do all the talking, that’s his job at this point. Go take a long walk, exercise, go out with friends, Netflix binge and have fun on your own because you need to stop over analyzing.

    #411218 Reply
    Amy S

    You know what men do not see texting or even calls as important so u have to be ok with him showing u he cares with other actions. Its not a reflection on your relationship if hes not a huge texter. I used to stress with my bf and he sees texts as just for making plans etc and calls are only when theres a reason to talk lol. x

    #411219 Reply
    Lane

    Hi Rach.

    He’s not in love with you yet. This is just lust/infatuation stage as it takes more time for the true romantic love to fully develop. These intense fast burning relationships usually die out pretty quick because its too hard to maintain that type of intensity for too long…the way your acting is a perfect example of why they end. I would PULL BACK, check yourself and continue to listen and OBSERVE his actions. Until you’ve surpassed the 6th month mark, its too early to know if your compatible in the ways you need as a long-term couple.

    We all wear masks that we present to the world but eventually those parts of us that we keep hidden will begin reveal themselves to us, and until we can strip it off and see the “real them” then your diving into a very shallow pool. Until you reach the deep end (over a period of several months) you cannot know if your compatible in the way a couple needs to be to feel loved, safe and secure with each other.

    Relax, take a breath and above-all stop being so needy and clingy.

    #411426 Reply
    Rach

    He ended up coming over to see me last night! I need to chill out! It’s all good so far :) ?Thankyou all for your good advice x

    #411434 Reply
    Phoebe

    Haha – you’re gonna burn yourself out if you keep doing this all the time

    #411452 Reply
    Mari

    Google “The Brutally Honest Phases of Man Falling in Love” on Elite Daily. Wouldnt let me attach a link

    #412706 Reply
    Tameka Brown

    Hello, i met a man online about 5 months ago. We never talked about a relationship because we were both happy with the friends with benifits situation. I ending up catching feelings and told him i wanted more. He said we could try the relationship thing. It was good for about 3weeks. We never really talked on the phone it was mainly texting. So one morning i sent him a text and he said goodmorning but it was really short. I then texted him and asked him to call me no call. I called him later that night no answer. The next morning i still hadnt heard from him so here is were i think i messed up. I texted him told him i changed my number it will be in effect at midnight. If i dont hear from you remember you will always have a place in my heart. Then he texts and says what that mean etc etc. Claims he didnt get call or text and for me to call him when i wanna talk. So i called with new number and every since then he has been distance no contact etc. Did i overreact? Was this all my fault? Please help

    #412712 Reply
    Mari

    Tameka, absolutely drop him!

    Here’s what happened: He started to pull away due to lack of interest, feeling pressured, or both. When you tried to smother him and hold on tightly, he pulled back even further. Until finally, you did the ONLY thing that men respond to: YOU TOOK ACTION. Changing your number and saying goodbye is an ACTION. It’s not an empty threat like your words are to him. Basically this means he totally took you for granted.

    What’s worse, he LIED to you after you called with your new number. Really? He didn’t get a call or text. Hmm, ok. Not buying it whatsoever. Awfully mysterious isn’t that….

    Then, when you took him back, he started to pull away again.

    This is an endless exhausting game of him taking you for granted. Please get out and find someone who values you and your affection!

    Next time, don’t initiate contact with a man by calling him, asking him to call you, etc. Pretty much any man will RUN in this scenario. Way too clingy. Let him “do all the rowing” in the “boat” that is your relationship. This has been the MOST useful thing I’ve learned.

    Also, IMHO, you should never ask a man for a relationship, especially after FWB. Others might disagree but I feel like asking for more commmittment & affection after you’ve already given away your friendship and your “benefits” very rarely works in woman’s favor. If a man wants you as his girlfriend he will ask you.

    #412803 Reply
    Tameka Brown

    Thank you mari for responding. I usually dont express my feelings but i caught them with this relationship. Lesson will learned. Never again will i approach a man with more after i given basically my all. Thank you. Blessings

    #412822 Reply
    patsytshirt

    few weeks? you shouldn’t reveal your feelings, it’s best to keep a guy on his toes, never let him know you like him. Uncertainty increases romantic attraction. Btw, 1hour phone call is overkill. If you keep doing this he will lose even more interest.

    #412840 Reply
    Tameka

    Your right patsyshirt. I just felt i needed to speak on my feelings cause i didnt wanna get deeper in the relationship not knowing if he liked me in that way. He did say when i presented my feelings i asked him how he felt he said good he wasnt into or seeing anyone else that he just wanted to see ware things were gonna go with us first but i felt a need to cause again id rather know now then later on his feelings. Everything totally changed after i spoke up. It was awkward..but i guess time heals all wounds.Im still hopeing he calls i dont no if thats good or bad..but im healing. Thank you. Blessings

    #412850 Reply
    Day

    Tameka, if you want more advice.. I advise you to click the FORUM link at the top of these pages click on what link best fits your scenario.. scroll all the way down and fill it out with your problem -this will create a new link -with your problem and title to your problem and more ladies can respond.

    Best of luck to you!

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