This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Claws 1 month, 1 week ago.
October 25, 2021 at 9:15 pm #928979
I know I’m about to come off extremely insecure in this post, but I can’t help it anymore because now that is literally how I feel. I’m 19 years old, in my freshman year of college and I’ve only kissed one guy in my life, and it was at a party so basically meant nothing. Not exactly how I pictured my first kiss would go. I’ve never had a boyfriend or been on a real date. While I know dating can be tricky, in both real life and online since everyone has so many options now, I just don’t get why no guy has EVER taken an interest in me. While most of my friends have never really had boyfriends either, they still get male attention while I’m basically the wallflower. In high school, it didn’t really bother me because I was really focused on getting into college, but now that I’m almost 20 years old, the fact that boys always seem to overlook me is really starting to get me down.
The latest guy is what really got me thinking about this. I had a huge crush on him and I thought he liked me too because he’d always joke around with me, say I’m such a nice person, and one time, he even said I was too pure for this world. I thought these were all positive things as I am a Christian girl with morals, a good personality, and I think I’m pretty decent in the looks department. I have so much to offer and he seems like the type to need a good influence since I know he’s been through some rough things in his life, so I thought we’d be a good match. We became really good friends and we’d hangout all the time, in between classes and on weekends until one day. I was so sure he was going to ask me out. But then, one day he tells me he met this girl who’s in a sorority and is one of my mutual friends. He kept on saying how beautiful she is and telling me that he plans to go after her. I was so shocked and hurt and basically confessed my feelings, to which he said that I’m not really his type and he sees me as just as a friend. I asked him what does she have that I don’t (stupid and desperate, I know) and he said that I’m really cool, but that he and her have a connection. Like, what does that even mean? I’ve seen her around and she is really pretty and girly, like she always wears these lace tops and tight skirts. I’m not trying to bash her in any way, but I would never expect them to be together because of how opposite they seem. My crush is more of a bad boy type, he’s been to jail twice amongst other things.
But anyway, this isn’t even really about him, it just worsened my insecurities basically. I would say I’m nice to guys and have no problem getting along with them, but no one ever seems to want to chase me like he wants to for her. I thought guys liked girls like me, pure and stuff. It’s starting to really get me down and I don’t know if I should try to change or just wait and hope someone finally likes me for me.October 25, 2021 at 11:02 pm #928982
Don’t change for a guy.
What are you doing to make yourself interesting?
Bad boys… Why?October 26, 2021 at 1:16 am #928983
You shouldn’t change who you fundamentally are. The right guys will like you for who you are, even if it doesn’t seem that way to you yet.
Maybe start with the question Raven asked. And go even further… do you always have crushes on bad boys? Do you always have crushes on guys who are (emotionally) unavailable to you to begin with? Trying to pair off with a guy who has a history of trouble with the law when you’re a very inexperienced dater with different values would be a really tough place to start.
Are you ever interested in guys who share your stance on faith and other things that are important to you? Do you seem open to new people, or might guys not approach you because you don’t seem interested in them (even if it’s that you’re actually maybe shy or want to take things slow)?
Also, a good guy “chasing” doesn’t look the same as a bad guy chasing. I’ve been chased and love bombed by guys before who were then awful to me. The good guys were persistent enough but low-key about it. They’d want to talk consistently and spend some time together but not be pushy about their interest at all. If a good guy was trying to catch your interest, would you notice if they weren’t overtly aggressive about it? Or would you expect them to come at you hard like this guy is making a plan to do with the mutual friend?October 26, 2021 at 12:40 pm #929002
Every guy is different but in general the motivating factor is what’s between his legs (and yours). Sorry if that seems too blunt. If you give out vibes of being a good christian girl with decent morals, a lot of guys won’t try with you because they just want to hook up and have fun right now. Basically it’s not you, it’s them. They haven’t quite caught up to your level yet.
You are only a freshman in college right now. Build up your friendship circle/support system, work on building up some confidence in yourself AND throw in a bit of patience while you are at it. ;) Hang in there, it will get better.October 27, 2021 at 11:04 am #929011
It all comes down to one thing…you are looking in the wrong places.
Besides, you are too young to be worried about that. No wonder you are looking at how girls around you are getting the boys. Trust me when you get to 25-26 years, you will have matured to see that what you are worried about is insignificant. Just distract yourself by focusing on yourself and your goals. Besides, some of those casual college hookups can have their downsides because your emotions are all over to think straight. Maybe you are dodging a bullet??? Anyway, these are just my thoughts. However, I know that when you give yourself time (a lot of it), you will meet someone special.