This topic contains 16 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by T from NY 4 months ago.
April 18, 2019 at 3:33 am #746571
Something I’ve noticed is that my generation really has problems with successful relationships. I always see people breaking up after being super in love, and men constantly cheating. I hear from older adults that relationships in their generation were different. Do you think it’s social media, casual sex, or is romance just dead?April 18, 2019 at 4:23 am #746574
Social media makes it so easy.
It’s much easier to meet different people nowadays.
Women always are becoming like men nowadays s, where before didn’t sleep with a man in first night or less he was made extreme effects now men all they do is send few nice and the woman is all in it.
I think romance is dead per se people just don’t put the time to fall in love anymore, therefore marriage and commitment is dead.April 18, 2019 at 8:41 am #746583
I’m sooooo glad “courting” and “courthsips” were still taking place before the age of internet, cell phones and dating to waste each other’s time.
Men (and women) have always ‘cheated’ primarily because humans were not genetically or biologically designed to be monogamous (with one mate for life)! Monogamy is solely based on one’s PERSONAL CHOICE where some do/can and others don’t/can’t. It’s not WRONG for humans to have sex with other humans, it’s actually very NATURAL for humans to do so, no differently than its NATURAL for 99% of all the species to have different mates who reside on this planet. Again, it comes down each individual’s ability to CHOOSE monogamy or not, whereas if you choose monogamy then you’re going to have a much harder time finding a lifetime mate/partner who chooses it. Not many of them are out there, especially one who can go 60+ years having sex with one person until they die based on today’s lifespan—that’s not natural nor easy for a human to do.April 18, 2019 at 9:36 am #746588
Part of what has changed are our roles. Men used to need a caretaker and women a provider. Now we neither of us need each other unless we want kids. So there is little incentive to compromise or work through issues.
Personally, for me, I’ve settled into a life where I have a couple of men that I find attractive who are FWB. We have great sex, I trust them. On their end, they either have kids, or don’t want them and they have busy lives. I have a similarly busy life. There is actually some romance to it. They fill my need for sex, physical connection and actually, to a degree, emotional support.
I did date for awhile, looking for a relationship, and what I found was that I was not meeting men that I was willing to compromise my life for. For example, I dated a guy with kids who was attractive and a “good catch”, but for me, I had no interest in giving up my Saturday mornings to go be with him and his kids. I think if I had specifically “needed” a provider, he’d have held my interest for awhile.
I meet a lot of “quality” men looking for relationships, but they want the “ideal” woman. What I normally see is that they want a very fit woman, very attractive, works hard, lots of time to travel, and willing to eat/drink out a lot (while maintaining said figure). So basically for me to land a man who is similar income and level of attractive to me, I need to be a unicorn (I can’t maintain my figure and dine out with any regularity). They don’t want flaky women, fat women, etc. So they won’t compromise.
So basically, what I think has happened is that your higher quality people in the dating pool, who have opted out of kids (or already have them) have almost no willingness to compromise any aspect of their life for the sake of being “in a relationship”. High quality men have no problem getting laid, and generally have the money to buy anything else a woman would provide.
High quality women are smart enough to not settle for a guy who is a liability for the sake of a relationship. If they are interested in sex, they have no need to compromise on quality because it’s easy to find a high quality man to short term romance you if you are chill.
Then you have low quality men who think they are entitled to high quality women. They see high quality men getting away with casual sex and think they should be able to get that. They don’t offer ANYTHING to high quality women. And then you have low quality women who think they can find a high quality man they can sex into providing for them. They don’t realize the high quality man has no need for them.
So basically, no one really wants a relationship these days unless they need someone to provide or want a family, unless they find the unicorn.April 18, 2019 at 10:21 am #746597
Great post anon!!!! Yes, times have definitely changed in civilized societies, like the US of A where men don’t need a woman to get regular and consistent sex, fed or their laundry done as they can get it by buying them a dinner after they do a load of laundry or drop it off at the local wash and fold. On the flip side, women don’t need a man to provide them a home, raise a child or protect them from wild animals or invaders.
Society has eliminated the need for partnering up.April 18, 2019 at 11:24 am #746601
Also, men of older generations have always cheated. Their wives are deluded. It’s like, lady, your gross 65 year old husband is hitting on 23 year olds. Men in that 60+ category are creepier than any 25 year old trying to get in your pants.April 18, 2019 at 12:02 pm #746605
Thanks for your response guys it definitely makes sense . All the things that were once hardto get are no longer easy access so people don’t fight for it anymore. Kind of bittersweet all the love you seen in movies as s kid is definitely not real lol. Good point about the men cheating even back then Anon. Social media wasn’t invented so if someone did cheat we wouldn’t know about it. Still very sad though long lasting love is hard and nearly impossible to achieve.April 18, 2019 at 12:04 pm #746606
Is romance dead? Unfortunately, yes…..and I can’t see it getting any better in the future.April 18, 2019 at 1:28 pm #746623
These days men can get all the benefits of a relationship/marriage without having to commit. That’s the biggest cause IMO.April 18, 2019 at 1:33 pm #746624
I don’t think the romances you see in the movies represent the old kind of love anyway. Plenty of men and women found themselves in abusive, toxic marriages and/or settled. It was just harder to get out and you didn’t have the option to get out in many cases.
And there are good relationships all around, that do work for the people in them.
I feel a great deal of romance in some of my casual dating and have had some “this feels like a movie” experiences. Guys bringing me flowers, the date that we crashed a wedding and fed each other cake.
But that is not love. Love was my mom caring for my dad up until he died. Love is putting your life on hold for your partner. Love is actually a really hard thing.April 18, 2019 at 1:37 pm #746625
Perhaps I have a more optimistic outlook on love and relationships.
I think romance and monogamy still exits. Some relationships are meant to stand the test of time while others aren’t.
What has changed is the accessibility to meeting people. You can make a profile and with a click of a mouse meet all kinds of people in your area.
Also, people are waiting longer to settle down. They are establishing a career, travelling, and just enjoying the freedoms of not having a family.
However, the need for companionship is still there. In the end I think a majority of people will and do find someone to live out the rest of their days.April 18, 2019 at 4:10 pm #746642
But that is not love. Love was my mom caring for my dad up until he died. Love is putting your life on hold for your partner. Love is actually a really hard thing.
This. This is the first time I’ve seen this mentioned on the site and it’s so true.April 18, 2019 at 7:37 pm #746658
Better off single
Selfishness and arrogance. Seeing the grass is greener somewhere else.
High expectations nobody meets + disappomtment = no hope in love
Sex is easier to get.
People breaking up after being super in love isn’t love. It’s lust that eventually faded -or- they changed and were no longer on the same page/wanting different things in life. They weren’t willing to compromise and wanted to have it their way so the easiest thing to do is break up instead of work through it. Given that the relationship wasn’t abusive at all.
Men and women with trust issues who have been burned, cheated on, and abused are slowly giving up hope real love exists. These days men and women can get all the benefits of a relationship/marriage without having to commit. Which is sad. Which creates trust issues. These people want the benefits and target someone wanting something serious and add more to the trust issue club.
“Low” quality and “High” quality. What is the difference? Does it have to do with income that determines the quality of a person?
I see low quality as someone who is constantly thoughtless, angry, arrogant, dominating, rude, selfish, and demanding…April 18, 2019 at 11:09 pm #746670
Dating apps allowed “grass is always greener” syndrome to get to extreme. Before them one was more or less limited to work/college/school colleagues, own friends, friends of friends and family, people with same hobbies etc., a relatively limited dating pool. Plus guys had to find real courage to ask a girl out. Nowadays, even guys who would normally be lucky to land a date with 1 okay looking woman in a few months, manage to get a few matches in the same time and everyone is braver on tinder than IRL.
Basicaly, few dare to bet that the person they’re dating now is as good as it will get. What if someone better is just a few swipes away?April 19, 2019 at 8:28 am #746692
Low Quality= a woman who needs someone to support her financially, constant drama, unhealthy, no real trajectory in life OR a man who is unhealthy, financially stressed, anger, no goals, passive hobbies.
High quality are self sufficient men and women who are healthy/lead healthy lifestyles, have independent goals, healthy relationships.
You can be low income and high quality. But what it comes down to is high quality people don’t need a relationship, while low quality needs someone to care for them. A low quality person is a liability to a high quality person. I’ve known men who were high income but low quality because they were stressed out about money constantly because they had toys and an expensive lifestyle. I’ve known men with low incomes who I considered high quality because they lived within their means and didn’t need assistance and/or “things” to give them confidence.April 19, 2019 at 8:32 am #746693
For example, I went on a few dates recently with a guy who was low income, high quality. Because he was low income, he could not spend much on dates, but explained that he was working on his house and supporting his mom. He didn’t harp on money and came up with affordable date options that were successful because he had a great personality and did not need to “wow” with a bunch of stuff.April 19, 2019 at 10:02 am #746712
T from NY
Love this thread. So many good points. Especially from you anon. Thank you for your contribution to this site. Gawd — doesn’t feel good to be a high quality woman? I’ve worked so hard the last couple of years on making my own happiness. There’s no peace like it. Men are just extra.