This topic contains 31 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Liz Lemon 3 months, 3 weeks ago.
December 15, 2019 at 9:21 pm #781178
Yeah he’s a bit like that.
“Well i wouldn’t do x (job or task) if i didn’t (in this case have feelings or like me) would I”.
He’s one of those people that gets offended if you don’t just know it. I guess it’s because he goes to quite the length to ‘do stuff all the time’. So therefore i should just ‘know where i stand’.
:)December 15, 2019 at 11:48 pm #781181
You really have to decide if hearing verbal expressions of love is a dealbreaker for you or not.
I couldn’t deal with not hearing it, ever, with my first husband and I left him after 6 years of trying to pretend he was otherwise a good guy so it shouldn’t be that big of a deal to me. I’m now married to a man who tells me all the time how much he loves me and I am just so happy being with him. Wouldn’t have it any other way and I wish I hadn’t settled for less for so long, even though it certainly is true my first husband is a good person.
This guy is a lot of hard work, as you say. You’re still young enough to meet someone else, but if you stick around the years will pile up and you won’t go until it will be infinitely harder to meet someone else.December 16, 2019 at 8:38 pm #781257
Yup. Nail hit on the head.
There’s the element of better the devil you know. Dating is fatiguing. I don’t know if i can be bothered doing it again if that makes sense. So many idiots to wade through to get to one that is even remotely worth your time- and then to find out that they are a drag a few months in- start all over again. At least with this one- there’s so much genuine quality and I really like hanging with him.December 16, 2019 at 11:27 pm #781264
Well then – you answered your own question. You’re going to settle for this guy so you don’t have to face dating again. Hope it works out for you. Are you planning to ever live together? You might find it doesn’t work out if you’re trying to be together day to day.
Me, I reached the point where I’d rather be single than in a bad or mediocre relationship. And when I didn’t give a damn if I ever had another date again, I was so sick of the game – and then the right guy popped up at the golf course I play at. But I’m not judging you. I’m almost 10 years younger than you.December 17, 2019 at 12:10 am #781265
err no. That’s only one aspect. as I said “then there’s… There’s a fair bit more to it.December 17, 2019 at 9:54 am #781278
I don’t see where the OP insinuated that her relationship was bad or mediocre. In fact she said it was 90% good. And it’s not “settling” to be realistic about what is a dealbreaker for you in a relationship, and what is not.
OP, I think you need to decide if you can truly accept that fact that your partner’s love language is “acts of service”. He isn’t comfortable saying “I love you”. My boyfriend is the same way. He has said the words ILY to me, but he doesn’t say it often, he prefers to show it by actions. I’m totally OK with that, in fact, I’m not a person who says it that often to boyfriends myself, and I don’t need to hear it constantly. I have had boyfriends who told me they loved me every day but treated me poorly; so I’m perfectly happy with my guy who is sweet, considerate, and goes out of his way to do kind things for me, but just doesn’t say ILY often.
And yes I hear you about dating and how it sucks! I understand what you’re trying to say. It’s not settling to recognize that your guy isn’t perfect, but is a lot better than what’s out there.
I think it’s very healthy that you’re reflecting and thinking about what you want in your relationship. It can be an opportunity to open up a dialogue with your partner and talk about what he sees as your future as a couple. I hope he is open to discussing these issues with you, if you want to bring these questions to the table. But overall recognize that he is the way he is, and will probably not change drastically. So you have to decide if you can envision a long term future with him where you’re happy.December 17, 2019 at 10:00 am #781279
Also- I just skimmed your initial post- you two have only been a couple for one year. You were FWB before that. One year in a relationship is not that much time, at all. You still have plenty of growth and development to do as a couple. I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year and a half (about 20 months) and I’d say we’ve made very big leaps in our relationship since we hit the 1 year mark. We’ve become much closer and developed more depth in the past 6-8 months. So it’s still early days for you, in my book. I wouldn’t give up hope that your guy will let down some of his walls with time.