We have lost momentum thanks to taking it slow, social distancing, Coronavirus a

Breathe…

There’s not a lot you can do…
If you tell him how you feel what good will that do?

OK here’s the deal. It is very hard in today’s world to be able to understand what’s going on people are very stressed out and honestly there’s a lot of weird stuff going on. It’s looking like it will probably take another two months in the US assuming that’s where you live before we can get back to any someone’s of a regular life. It also sounds like things were not escalating at the level that you were hoping for. It sounds like you guys agree to something and that was reasonable but then things changed.

So I’m gonna give you advice that I don’t normally give. In my normal world I would say just let it fade out because he’s not interested. But in today’s world we get to have a little bit more freedom in the sense that we need to just give it a little more time. However what that means to me, is that you do zero initiating at all until this is all over. He will a. Step it up, b. Step it down, c. Step out completely. If he steps out completely, you can contact him once when things are back to normal and try to restart it.

You need to remember that men are very logical. And that in this period of time he’s probably getting more logical because things are so stressful. Logically it’s hard to keep a relationship going right now. That’s the reality. It sounds like you have anxious attachment, which means you probably should not be dating at all right now because everything is going to trigger you. So again I just suggest that you just follow his lead which you should be doing anyhow. And any man who does not ask you to be his girlfriend by 8 to 12 weeksNever is going to which I think you already understand.

There’s another thing that you could do but I doubt you would do it. Which is to simply put it on hiatus officially for right now. That’s a just say listen it seems like it’s very complex for us to try to keep things going and I don’t want it to be a pressure. I would like for us to explore this but I think we both know that the circumstances are not the best. How about you reach out to me when things are better and we try to reconnect at that point. That put it all in his court, and allows you to relax into an assumption it is over.

I posted this on another thread but the grounding technique of 5,4,3,2,1 is good for flares of anxiety. Meditation. Distract, distract and distract yourself some more! I know that’s harder to do all cooped up – but let’s be real pain and confusion are hard any ole time. Im sorry you’re disappointed in love – and we’ve all been there many times, especially in current dating climate. But it’s evident he is not advancing the relationship – at least – not at your pace. From what you’ve written he does not seem invested and you absolutely should not talk to him again! Men are not dumb. They do not forget emotional talks women put them through and you already expressed your needs. I repeat your best action right now is — NOTHING.

Whenever a man begins to be distant – the best course is always increased self love and doing absolutely NOTHING. See how long it takes for him to reach out. See if he even does. WATCH how he treats you. Is there any enthusiasm? Are there sharing of feelings about the stressful events we are all experiencing. If he does not communicate with you — he is NOT YOUR PERSON no matter what has happened prior.

For example that man I’m dating for last 6 weeks is texting morning, noon and night. He calls me every evening and we play games or just say goodnight. Yes he’s gotten quiet some days and I have a little prick of anxiety – but when I do – I self talk positive things, go exercise, watch a movie, call a girlfriend. If men are interested they show it! There will be no doubt. You are in action mode — want-to-fix-things-mode. That is masculine energy. Feminine energy is receiving. Give to yourself. Develop self esteem where you LOSE interest in men blowing hot and cold and not paying attention to you. Do not make excuses for him not contacting you. Get peaceful with you. It is a skill you have to work on, a daily practice. If this guy doesn’t turn out to be your man – let the universe have him back. Tend to you. Be healthy and soon you’ll feel better.

Thanks all. It seems as though its unanimous that I should let him take the lead. How would I do that? I was thinking about asking him to call tomorrow but that it seems would not be a good idea?

Uncertainty really bothers me and I can’t help but think that this will turn into a slow fade. Slow fades are the worst, I would rather it be a definitive end than something that gets dragged out and take my peace of mind away.

Is there anyway I can encourage him to step up?

I really did like him, there was potential. Its not often that people with potential come by.

I honestly think you should end it with him. You are not in a healthy mindset to be involved with anyone right now. Please go to a therapist to work on attachment trauma and insecure attachment when you can finally go out, or even do therapy virtually.

You do not seem to understand how to let him lead. You let him lead and you respond warmly and positively. That is your best bet under any scenario to encourage him to step up.

If you cannot do that, then just end it. And what you described was not a ton of potential, it sounded a lot like it was fading anyhow. He was not driving this to a relationship any time soon. Men who want to be boyfriends act and talk like boyfriend by 8-12 weeks latest. Sometimes earlier.

My advice based off RECENT experience. I dated this guy for 2months roughly. We were texting everyday, hours and hours and even spent time together. I’m the type of girl to only reciprocate when he leads so the relationship when how it went due to his reaching out. I’d say around the 2mth mark, things started to drastically slow down. We still made efforts to let each other know how “into one another” we were but I just didn’t see the effort/investment on his part (asking me out, etc). I took a leap and asked to make him dinner one night and he said he was busy, ok fair. But after that, I just decided I’d stop reaching out all together because I didn’t want to get hurt and knew that he knew how to find me if he wanted to.

Two weeks went by no-contact and WHAM! He was back! Telling me he missed me, planned a date and everything. I was nice and agreed to the date (I don’t like to be dramatic), acted like all was cool and normal. Once at his place though I told him I stopped making the effort because I was giving him an exit since I felt like he wasn’t into it. He grabbed me close and said that wasn’t it at all, he just had a lot going on.

Sometimes distance is good and showing your standards (ex, you have a life) is even better. Give it time. If he really likes he he will find you!

You are not reading any of the advice given about working on YOU. Peace of mind is a skill you DEVELOP. A dude doesn’t give it to you.

Sorry, I had a lot going on is a pathetic excuse – any man who cares about you would have communicated what was going on and when you would engage

A lot of good advice has been given already. OP, you said his last relationship only ended a few months ago. And it was a complete mess. For how long was he in that relationship? If it was long term (like a year or more) he probably needs more time to get over the relationship and the awful breakup, in any case.

Under normal circumstances, I would say dating a guy only a few months after a very messy breakup is not a good idea. Aside from all the unprecedented, crazy stuff that’s happening now, dating a guy freshly out of a messy breakup generally doesn’t lead to a relationship.

And him balking when you brought up exclusivity after 2 months isn’t a good sign. By 2 months a guy who’s into you is eager to lock you down and be exclusive. He wouldn’t want to risk another guy having you.

If he was into you he would’ve taken you at your first words. Or better off locked you down first.
Start dating other men and stop dragging this one. It will only get worse

You are anxious because your gut knows he doesn’t want a relationship. Men takes longer time to move on from a relationship. It’s just 2 months since he’s out of a relationship. Most likely you are just a rebound. I know some men who is out of relationship for a year and they still miss their ex.

When we met, he was 4-5 months out of a relationship. They started strong, lived together and it fell apart in a matter of a few months. He moved out and moved back to his city which is where we met.

I will be backing off from him now. I have tried and attempted to reach out in the last two weeks, I don’t want to try anymore, it feels like crap. He replies in a flakey manner.

Another question for you all, to me it seems like a slow fade out/maybe even faster if I stop initiating. When can I assume that the exclusivity we spoke about and which he agreed to is void?

Do I have some sort of a final conversation?

Thank you, I have started to do 3-5 minutes of breathing exercises to calm down. No person is loosing this much peace over.