Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Update to ex ghosting me
- This topic has 29 replies and was last updated 3 years, 8 months ago by
Tallspicy.
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Bebe
So I posted about this when it first happened. Was with my ex boyfriend for about 7 months. Once the pandemic hit really hard he basically told me promised his ex wife he wouldn’t see anyone otherwise he couldn’t see his kids. I understood and took that to mean we wouldn’t physically see each other but I didn’t think it was a breakup I though we would still communicate. By the next evening (after he told me this) I hadn’t heard from him, and thought maybe he was just going through something, so I texted him telling him I loved him and hoped he was doing ok, he never responded. So he basically ghosted.
Well low and behold this past Thursday 3 months to the day after he disappeared, he texted me saying he wanted me to know he was very sorry for the way he acted and that I was one of the most amazing, honest and beautiful people he’s ever met. He then followed up with another text, he’s not saying he wasn’t saying that to try to get back together, he just wanted me to know.
I didn’t respond.
Bebe
Correction: his follow up text said he wasn’t saying that’s to try to get back together, he just wanted me to know
K
Best response to a ghost is what they gave you – NOTHING. Good for you. Now it’s his turn to sit and wonder what’s going on.
That’s not so much for revenge as much as it is for them to experience what it feels like to get stone cold silence to well-intended communication. That’s what can make someone consider their behavior and act better in the future.
Newbie
God i hate these lame 3 months too late apologies even more than the ghosting itself. So you were so amazing that to him it was perfectly ok to fall off the radar. As/shole
Bebe
Exactly! And it’s funny because this text came at the time when our city is starting to reopen and things are slowly getting back to normal. A few of my friends predicted I’d hear from him when the quarantine is over lol
Newbie
A lot of them reach out again. If i remember correctly his divorce was pretty recent right? So he can be in a fuzzy state. But still if you have been a couple for 7 months and he disappears without a word. Then there is no excuse. If i would reply it would be that: im sorry my awesomeness cant even out your as/hclowness where you disappear and now think i actually like to hear from you
K
I will write out every smart response I can think of to jerk-boys like this… then I erase and discard the document and 98% of the time I realize the response that will say the most and get to them the most is silence. :) Men hate being ignored. Let them wonder if you even saw the message. Let them be the ones without “closure.” You just keep on trucking. :)
Bebe
Newbie,
Yes he’s been divorced about a year and half but they were separated about 5 months before that. Plus he always claimed the marriage was over long before they separated. I do believe the pandemic had a lot to do with our breakup but it still doesn’t excuse the way he treated me, nothing does.
At first I thought that text was to just relieve him of his own guilt. However given the timing of it I don’t think it’s guilt alone, plus if it was I think i would’ve gotten that text a lot sooner.
Bebe
K,
Yup! As they say the worst response is no response! Which is what he did to me 3 months ago. I think he had to have known there was a high probability that I wouldn’t respond to that text.
Liz Lemon
I remember your post about this. Good for you! Ignore the jerk. Let him squirm and wonder if you got the text, or wonder what you’re thinking. He doesn’t deserve the dignity of a reply. And honestly it says a lot about his lack of character that he would even do such a thing to begin with, to such an amazing woman :-)
I know you will never be tempted to reply to him, but if you ever are (you’re human after all), just remember if he did this to you once, he’s capable of doing it again. He doesn’t deserve you.
Alice
First off! I love when people come back and give updates :)
Bebe, not saying this is always the case but dating men who are recently divorced is always a gamble. I’ve known of a few friends who have dated “divorced” men who were actually just separated when they started dating only to find out that the divorce wasn’t even filed until their 5th month of dating. Not saying this was the case for you, but it just sounds like divorced men don’t have their heads on straight. I had one friend who found texts and calls in her guys phone to his ex-wife months after the divorce was finalized, saying he missed her and wanted to get back together. It’s just crazy! Seems like some men just need to be single after a divorce and not jump into dating.
Anyway, who knows what this guys deal was or if it even had to do at all with the pandemic as to why he ghosted. He may not even be looking for a response since he said he wasn’t sending the message to get back together. Perhaps he just wanted to send the message so he could feel better about what he did to you, who knows though…
I wouldn’t respond, and not because I was trying to teach him a lesson or be spiteful but simply because he didn’t ask a question and there was no real conversation to be had. He wanted you to know his thoughts and that was all, no response required.
K
Bebe, trust me, he was hoping you’d answer. He didn’t send that text for you, he sent that text for himself. To assuage his guilt and see if there was a chance he could get back in your good graces.
Newbie
Well i admire your calm. I read back your first post and back then you already stated you wouldnt want him back in your life. Good for you. Lucky the covid restrictions are lifting so have a good summer and start up again😄
mama
Yay!!! Go YOU! I hope all these responses are helping you feel better with your decision not to respond. It really is all about what’s best for you. Good for you my girl!!! *fistpump*
Bebe
Liz,
That’s what I’ve been telling myself the whole time! If he’s capable of doing it once he’ll do it again and no way am I putting myself through that again!
Bebe
Alice,
Yes I don’t feel like that text warranted a response but even if it did I wouldn’t have responded.
Also, knowing him he was hoping for some sort of acknowledgment of that text. I think that whole not trying to get back together statement, was a self preservation thing or he was just trying to make his statement sound more genuine like he didn’t have any ulterior motives. I’m saying this based on what I know of him, and he’s got a huge ego!!
Bebe
Mama
Yes, if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s sticking to my guns lol. When someone has wronged me I will act like they don’t exist, which is what I’ve been doing. I
Alice
Bebe, if he’s got a huge ego then yea he prob sent that last text about not getting back together as protection. Kinda like an insurance of some sort.
His thinking, “I’m gunna text her to see if she still wants me, but I’m gunna put some insurance on it that I don’t want a relationship just incase she doesn’t want me”
He sounds like a real winner (sarcasm) lol!
So glad you are choosing to not respond. He prob knows you’re a cutie and will be scooped up by a better guy soon. He can eat his heart out!
Bebe
Haha thanks for the encouraging words, Alice and everyone else!
Sensy
He is undeserving of the energy it took to post about it. Ignore him.
Ss
Yay! Go you! Thanks for updating us, its always nice to hear what happened.
It’s always nice when f**k boys and a**clowns come crawling back when you’ve moved on and had glow up!
Thank you, next!!!
Xx
Danita
” I think that whole not trying to get back together statement, was a self preservation thing or he was just trying to make his statement sound more genuine like he didn’t have any ulterior motives.”
This is probably the most intelligent thing I have read here. It looks like you don’t need an advice, but maybe a reassurance so you don’t second guess yourself. So here is mine: yes, silence speaks louder than words.
Emcee
Power to you bebe girl! No response is the way to go!
T from NY
Ooooooo I love ignoring f^-k boy ghostie ghosts.
Good for you. Silence really is the loudest reply.Bebe
Danita
Yes I felt that way too, knowing him he didn’t reach out just to say sorry 3 months later. If he was really sorry he would’ve apologized way sooner, I feel.
Anyway, I had a rough past few days. Came across his profile on the dating app we met on and saw he had updated a few of his pics a couple of days ago. Didn’t expect that to affect me the way it did, the pics he put up were not new pics they were taken months ago and I only know that because he sent them to me while we were dating. So I guess maybe that’s why I took it hard. Also, as much as I wanted to deny it at first that text he sent did set me back, but I guess that’s just how it is. I stuck to not responding though.
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