To snoop or not to snoop

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This topic contains 8 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Shoshannah 8 months, 4 weeks ago.

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  • #775695 Reply

    to be withheld

    I”m not sure where to post this, it’s really just about me being nosy.

    Current status: I’m in my 40s. Been divorced for almost 2 decades and single from my last relationship about 9 years. I’m currently in a great relationship of about a year now and we live together.

    I started dating a couple of summers ago and after some trial and error, I met a guy who I really liked. After a few months, he ended up not being someone I could carry on with and our breakup was rather harsh. Basically, he didn’t show up for a date one day and I called him until he answered my call, he told me “I was too good for him and he was still dealing with his divorce” and everything I unleashed on him in that one phone call was correct (about all his post-divorce relationships and I was just another one fitting that pattern an that he needed some therapy or to just be alone by choice so he stops using others to get over whatever it is he needed to get over).

    Anyway… he was basically my first relationship after being on my own for soooo long. After we broke up, I went on to date a few others, then found my guy that I am with now. I always wonder how that first guy is doing. I am nosy and curious and wondering if he finally went to therapy for all his issues and/or if he finally found someone to make him happy. I don’t have romantic interest in him I am just curious/nosy. I want to see if he ever took any of my advice

    But I’m kind of worried to look because I don’t know what that means in reflection of my current relationship. My current boyfriend is wonderful and takes care of me in a way I’ve never had before. I’m happy with him. I’m just curious.

    Does curiosity to snoop on old “loves” reflect current relationship health? I won’t look if it’s not a healthy thing to do but I”m so curious.

    Thanks in advance for your input, readers!!!

    #775697 Reply


    I think its normal to wonder about these things sometimes.

    However, I wouldn’t reach out to find the answer. I doubt your current boyfriend would be thrilled that you reached out to an ex.

    Sometimes these things spiral into unnecessary drama and worse case scenario emotional or physical cheating.

    Leave well enough. If, he changed great if not well that’s too bad.

    #775698 Reply


    Maybe this will help you decide. What if you snoop on him and turns out he’s doing amazingly well with a gorgeous wifey and a kid or two

    #775701 Reply


    I wouldn’t snoop. Why do you care what happened to a guy that dumped you? How would you feel if your current guy kept tabs on his exes?

    #775707 Reply


    Everybody knows what happened to the curious cat. Haha.

    Jokes aside, if you’re unaffected by this guy I dont see the harm in checking things out. Just dont go talking to him directly or anyone else that knows him and ask. There’s social media that can satisfy your curiosity. Just look him up. But just know people will always post happy things, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s his whole life.

    Honestly though, it’s pointless to because who give a f..?

    #775738 Reply

    Better off single

    I agree with Nathalie

    It wasn’t curiously that killed the cat. It was the nosy neighbor next door.

    You’re better off leaving him alone. Who cares if he is doing good or bad? You’re doing good that’s all you should care about because it didnt work out and is what it is.

    #775755 Reply


    I assume by snooping you mean through social media. I’m interested in how you think it is going to give you any of the answers you want. Do you think he’s posting about his therapy sessions? Going on about an ex who gave him great advice? Even if he’s posting happy photos of him with a fiancé it doesn’t mean they’re happy. Some of the people I know who post the most lovey dovey crap about their significant others on Facebook are in the worst relationships!! And I highly doubt an ex who called him incessantly until he answered the phone and unleashed a tirade on him when he dumped her saying he needed therapy and to stop using others made much of an impact. I’m just thinking about the bad breakups I’ve had and the things that have been said and I can’t think of a single time I sat back and said, you know what I think they’re right! Anytime I broke up with someone it was because I thought it was the right thing to do and nothing they said or did would have changed it. Any guy unleashing a tirade on me because he was upset I dumped him and going on about me needing therapy or to stop dating would have fallen on deaf ears. Can’t imagine I would have given his opinion any credibility. 

    #775763 Reply

    to be withheld

    Thankns all for your opinions! If I did snoop, it definitely wouldn’t be by contacting him directly (I feel like that crosses the line and disrespects my current relationship in significant ways). And many of you are right – if I did snoop his social media, it probably wouldn’t give an accurate snapshot. It’s truly a no win situation.

    #775764 Reply


    Well, if by snooping you mean just checking up someone’s profile, without contacting them, without even them knowing about it, then there’s nothing wrong with it, and I’m sure a lot of people do it (without any bad intentions). Curiousity is natural, and it doesn’t mean anything more than curiousity. It’s just like being ‘friends’ on facebook with your exes – you can look if you want to at what they’re posting. I have an ex fling that we’re still friends on facebook and yes, I look sometimes – but all I get from looking is reassurance that I’m so happy we didn’t end up together. So this is really not a threat to my current relationship, on the contrary – it reassures me that my current relationship is unique and wonderful, so… if that’s what you mean by snooping, then I don’t think there is anything disloyal or threatening to your relationship about it.

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