Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Thoughts on this odd situation please
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J.
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Harri
Been with my boyfriend nearly a year. We split around five months as things went off the boil. Got back together and both acknowledged we likely were too all in and full on and it burst. Since then it’s been a much more natural rhythm and not as full on.
He is someone who likes things happy, and really isn’t one for confrontation or o talk too much about his feelings. Around two weeks ago we had words which really doesn’t happen much. We don’t argue or fall out really. Basically, he’s been stressed with work and we were meeting that night. He misinterpreted some texts I sent and basically said don’t bother coming over and neither of us seem up to it really.
I basically backed right away as it was totally out of the blue and not proportionate to the text situation. It took a day and a half before he apologised and said he’s a lot on and not feeling good. I acknowledged this, and we agreed to meet the next night. No communication between times. He ten cancels this meeting due to work. I don’t make a big deal, but the other day he’s offering as free I’m working. We don’t therefore have any axtual plan to meet as yet. I text saying I hope he’s ok and he says he isn’t really but will be if I bear with him and that he wants me to know he wants to be with him. I acknowledged this and said I’m here if he wants to talk. No reply.That was two days ago and I have heard nothing since. I’m now feeling this is unacceptable even if things aren’t good for him? We haven’t spoken in over a week, haven’t seen each other in longer than that when we were seeing each other twice a week, and no texting even? I haven’t messaged further.
What do people think? By the way I don’t think for a minute there’s anyone else. Even if he actually wants to finish with me, it won’t be because of that that much I know.
kaye
This is one of those situations I just don’t understand! Why doesn’t anybody picked up the phone anymore and actually CALL anyone!?!? There’s all this drama over misinterpreted texts and canceled plans which could have easily been fixed if you would just TALK to each other! It’s been a whole week since you’ve spoken. He’s super stressed out with work and “not ok” as he’s told you but all you’re worried about is whether he wants to finish with you. I really feel sorry for men sometimes. It’s not bad enough they’re stressed and just focused trying to deal with work, but then they have to deal with a GF who think every thing revolves around their relationship.
When I was dating my husband he was working 70-100 hours a week depending on whether he was out of town 3 nights or 4 nights that week. I knew he was stressed and felt like he was drowning and it was everything he could do to get up, work 14-16 hours a day and get some sleep to do it all over again the next day. If he had to cancel plans and reschedule or we ending up going to eat 2 hours later than expected I was sweet and understanding and my home and arms were the soft spot where he could crash at the end of the day.
I wasn’t badgering him about when would see each other, thinking if he canceled plans he really wanted to break up with me or getting pissy is he had to rearrange plans. Essentially I wasn’t ADDING to his stress. And you know what? He constantly told me how much he appreciated me, how no one else he had dated understood, how I was the one bright light in his whole stressed out life and how he would make it up to me when he wasn’t so busy. And he DID! We would take a week off and go on a cruise. Or grab a 4 day weekend at the beach. Or just spend the whole weekend at my house not going anywhere and he would do all the honey dos he hadn’t gotten around to when he was busy.
The best advice I can give you is to get every bit of anger and resentment I read in this post out of your system. Then pick up the phone and CALL him! Tell him you know he’s covered up with projects but you just wanted to hear his voice and you miss him and can’t wait to see him once things get less crazy with work. Be his girlfriend and his support, not one more stressful thing he has to deal with every day.
J
I agree that a call is 100% better. Means ZERO miscommunication. Texting has almost become the norm, that no one calls. I had significant issues with texts/miscommunication that I’ve decided, going forwards, next man I meet? I will make sure going forwards I implement calling way more than texting.
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