Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Thoughts?
- This topic has 36 replies and was last updated 4 years, 6 months ago by
Newbie.
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Newbie
Vera, the reason most here warning against sex too soon has nothing to do with sl/ut shaming but everything with protecting a womans heart. Lane for example has explained it over and over. When women have sex they bond with the guy because of oxytocin release. So they get attached fast. But dont really know where the guy stands. Guys dont bond the same way. A little oxytocin but more a drop in testosteron.
Thats all. And if you are looking for a partner it can make you waste time on getting attached to luke warm guys insteadVera
Hi Newbie ,
Yes I agree with you, but I have also noticed some people making it almost seem like it’s a good idea to withhold sex as a manner to get the guy to like the girl- and that if you sleep with a guy he will magically just change from wanting to be with you to just wanting to sleep with you . I just wanted to reassure her his feelings won’t change just because of the fact that she had sex .Samantha
Vera I appreciate your honesty and input! The convo ended by me asking him why would he think that? I told him that I was very much interested in getting to know him on a more serious level. Then we agreed to meet today however I still have not heard from him. -___-
Vera
I would say you did your part . The frog turned out to be … a frog. Now you can at least know you can focus your efforts and thoughts elsewhere .
Samantha
We hadn’t agreed on a time or place. Just agreed that we would see each other today. Would it be desperate of me to text to confirm? Please don’t antagonize me I’m just trying to get opinions before acting.
Vera
Sure . At this point there’s no harm in doing that. It will also likely help give you the closure and peace of mind knowing you tried in case it doesn’t work out .
Tallspicy
Perfectly ok to check in and see if you are still on. You are learning an important lesson in being responsive so someone knows you are interested.
Btw, no one ever says don’t have sex so he will like you more. They say don’t have sex until you are committed if you want a relationship. If you can have sex and not want a relationship, by all means do it. But don’t ask why he does not want a relationship if you have sex before that – it is about pacing so you make sure you are on the same page. You cannot sex a man into a relationship, but you can also not put the genie back in the bottle Once it happens.
Samantha
So basically the chances of this turning into a relationship are done? I’m so disappointed in myself because I thought I had been doing everything right.
Vera
Think of it this way – nobody can turn something into something else . If it’s meant to be it will be . All you can do is learn from your barriers , whatever they may be .
If it’s meant to turn into that it will! If it wasn’t there is nothing you can do to change it and more importantly , nothing you could have done differently .Kathy
If he really likes you, you sleeping with him once during the first six dates won’t hurt your chances. Now if you slept with him 2,3 times he may have thought you wanted casual.
He knows now you don’t want casual.. so he is pulling back.. He wasn’t thinking relationship right away. And maybe not at all! I don’t know this man’s mind. All you can do is hedge your bets the best way you know how. After that, there’s not much you can do to get a man to do anything!I will say I might have used the word dating exclusively instead of serious.. But he might not want to date exclusively. If you are having sex with someone it is obviously best to be exclusive…
Amy
Don’t get trapped into the house “dating” situation. You’ll just end up a booty call and that SUCKS if you’re not looking for a casual relationship. A real man will invest time and energy into planning things. Unless he has a super cool place and is cooking you dinner or something and plans to have a good conversation…hanging out and having sex is a booty call. Once you’re a booty call you are pretty much forever sentenced to being one…uphold your boundaries and maintain your self respect. The right guy will come.
Newbie
Stop thinking you wrecked something potentially good. I find his responses very annoying tbh. So you felt you were about to become his hook up and declined his invitations. I say good for you, you acted on your gut instinct and resisted the temptation. After that all he did was blowing smoke in your ass.
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