Thoughts?


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This topic contains 36 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Newbie 1 week, 4 days ago.

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  • #777050 Reply

    Samantha

    Hey so I have been seeing this guy for a little over a month. He would always plan our dates (we had gone on about 6) then I noticed he stopped initiating actual dates and started asking me over to his house in which I declined twice. Also noticed his texting has become very slowed down. I asked him what was up and he replied that he asked to see me twice in a week and I said no. I don’t know if he took that as me not being into him or something but I just wasn’t into coming over to his house.

    I told him that with the way he had been acting it seemed we were looking for different things. Him being something more casual. He said that I never initiate any plans with him. So I texted him that I wanted to see him this weekend. He replied with “we can make something happen”. I haven’t responded yet, and don’t know if I should. Should I just accept that maybe he has low interest at this point?

    #777051 Reply

    Vera

    Hi,
    When he asked you go to over did you flat out say no or did you say I’d love to come over at some point but I’d ether we go out tonight ?
    If you flat out said no , I can understand why he’s feeling rejected .
    But good on you guys for talking it out .
    What did he say to the comment about him wanting casual ?
    Good on you for saying you want to see him this weekend – I would say the ball should be in his court at this point .
    I think he’s being kind of petty now with his reply.
    At this point since you brought it up yourself, suggest a specific plan – “dinner Saturday at 8?”
    If his reply is sub par at that point I’d drop it .

    #777052 Reply

    Vera

    *rather

    #777054 Reply

    Vera

    *rather , not ether

    #777055 Reply

    Samantha

    When he asked, it was already late in the day so I did not suggest anything as I knew he had to be up early for work. To the comment about being casual, he said “is this your way of saying you don’t want to pursue things anymore”. Why would he suggest that? That wasn’t what I meant at all.

    #777056 Reply

    Vera

    Personally I expect a lot more from guys than that.
    I would think if he were serious he would have tried to explain that he was not interested in casual .

    #777058 Reply

    Tallspicy

    When a man asks you out and you can’t go, but you are interested, simply say, I am not free tonight, but could grab drinks these other nights. I would take two declines as rejection as well.

    #777067 Reply

    Anderson 

    Honestly I don’t see this guy doing much wrong.

    Maybe you’re the type who wants guys who chase you even if you act cold towards them, in which case dump him.

    #777068 Reply

    Anderson 

    That wasn’t a good tone for my comment.

    I believe he is pursuing you well enough. But is on his guard because you weren’t warm in declining his two dates. And you can’t blame him. If you didn’t want to go to his house then you should’ve offered alternatives. There is a difference between pursuing and chasing. Just like thanking a guy for paying for a date versus women who never will. In both case the guy’s leading but there is a big difference

    #777069 Reply

    Anderson 

    Never will thank*

    #777070 Reply

    Vera

    I think we all agree she should have suggested an alternative or at least said that it’s too soon for her to meet him at his home .
    The issue is what to do now ?
    I think this guy is being a bit difficult given that she said she wants to see him this weekend and his reply was “we can make something happen “ ?! Yuck . But in any event , ok fine , she can suggest a day and time but if he doesn’t take it and run with it she should drop him . Also gotta give her points for saying she to him she thinks he wants casual .

    #777072 Reply

    Vera

    Oh also ,
    Why not go to his place after 6 dates of going out ? There’s nothing too wrong with that – my guess is his attitude while he’s on dates with you is leading you to think he wants just casual , not just the fact that he started asking you to go over

    #777073 Reply

    Better off single

    6 dates. He initiated 6 dates and you’ve initiated how many —?

    Inviting you to his place was a last ditch effort to sleep with you to see if you were worth continuing pursuit.

    Have you ever stopped to think of cournting the guy too?

    #777074 Reply

    Samantha

    Vera that was my thought exactly. His response to me saying I want to see him was kind of bland. A “sure let’s do that” could have been a little bit better. I felt like he was only agreeing to be polite. And yes I should have offered an alternative for another day.

    And I have went to his house once before and have iniated one date. It’s only been one month. IMO I think the man should do the majority of the leading. I felt like me going over that one time gave him the impression that I’m okay with always doing that this early on in which I’m not. Also that’s what gave me the impression he is trying to transition to casual (e.g. Netflix and Chill) That’s why I declined his two attempts.

    Dating is so complicated.

    #777078 Reply

    Anderson

    When you want a man to lead, but really want him to do what you want, all the while expecting him to guess what that is without words.

    How dare he not not figure out you don’t want to have dates at his place? And he thinks he can get away with initiating 5 out of 6 dates and call himself a leading man? That bastard! 95% initiating or no cigar, mate.

    #777080 Reply

    Kathy

    Have a conversation with this man if he gets back in touch with you. OR, invite HIM for drinks and discuss how you feel. Better to do this in person. And say thins nicely… This man is not a mind reader and is probably clueless to what you want.

    But I wouldn’t expect a man to wait 3 months(like 20 dates) to see if you are interested in sex or not. They will give up(and I would too!}.

    #777081 Reply

    Kathy

    *things*

    #777088 Reply

    Newbie

    So the one date where you did go to his house involve sex? To me thats not clear, but it would make sense if it did. In a sense that he would only push for more homedates after that and you sensed him pulling away.
    I think his comment: does this mean youre no longer interested is his way of saying that yes he is in it for casual. So he silently agreed to your question and then asked if that would also mean youre no longer interested.
    I wouldnt invest any more time in this guy. I feel like he is leading you on with his cryptic talk

    #777096 Reply

    Samantha

    Yes it did involve sex. An update: I talked to him and he said he figured I was not into him since I declined his two dates. Is it too late to turn this around?

    #777101 Reply

    Vera

    I think he’s using it as an excuse . You clearly showed him you were into him after by saying you want to see him and his reply was lame . He is being lame . If he liked you he would have been so happy to find out that you in fact do like him after all. His feelings wouldn’t turn off like a tap just because you said no twice.

    How did that convo end after he told you he figured you weren’t into him?

    #777103 Reply

    Kathy

    No, it’s not.. Tell him you are interested and that you WOULD like to see him. When you see
    him, then tell him what you are thinking.. NICELY.. Hear what he has to say. Maybe ask him a few questions.. But not in an inquisition mode..

    Obviously the next date to talk should not be at his place. You are probably worried that he is just interested in you for the sex, but that might not be the case at all. All men want sex, but that does not necessarily mean that is all they want!

    #777104 Reply

    Vera

    And please don’t listen to anyone who scolds you for having sex wth him before bf/gf blah blah blah it doesn’t make a difference in the end .
    The point is he’s not treating you well right now despite the fact that he knows that you do indeed like him .
    Next !

    #777105 Reply

    Kathy

    And it COULD? be what Vera said.. This is your choice whether or not you want to put any more energy into this man. You can always drop him if he’s not what you want.

    #777106 Reply

    Vera

    Though I do agree with Kathy above – If it’s still not clear on his end that you are interested in more than casual then make it clear , be nice , do tell him but do no more than that if he doesn’t .

    #777108 Reply

    Newbie

    I agree with Vera that he is using this as an excuse. I think you wanted to not get in a hook up situation and therefore declined his invites. You could have communicated it better but i dont think the situation wiuld have improved.
    But you could tell him that you are interested in getting to know him but that would mean you both have to be on the same page when it comes to what you are both looking for. Thats clear (because trust me he knows you are) and gives him both space to answer that honestly and forges him at the same time

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