This guy…

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This topic contains 8 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Heather 7 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #777921 Reply


    We met in July. Our first date was great, super easy conversation and banter. We went out again later that week for a movie and he kissed me. It felt like it was unfolding naturally and he told me he couldn’t stop thinking about me. I think he then asked me out for a third date, more kissing.

    Then he kind of disappeared for a week or two without notice. He popped back up eventually and told me he’d been out in California taking care of business, but if he was actually sincere about pursuing me I think he would have communicated much better. After that I definitely cooled off. I was dating others the whole time and not too bothered. But he kept asking me out, maybe every couple weeks, and staying in pretty consistent contact until recently. We had a couple miscommunications about plans, and I decided to leave it in his court. Since then his communication has definitely faded. I know he’s going through stressful times, taking care of his mom, his cat died traumatically, his car got totalled, etc., but again, if he was actually interested, I think I’d know.

    So now it’s been like 5 months, and we really haven’t made any progress. He keeps saying how much he likes my company, but either he’s super passive or he’s wasting my time. He still sends messages here and there, but I get the sense that he expects me to make plans and I’m not going to do that. I don’t want to confront him because I’m sure that would make it seem I’m way more invested than I am. I am curious and would like to know his perception of the whole thing, but maybe I should just let it go. What’s the best thing to do here?

    #777923 Reply


    Move on.
    He seems to have a lot going on that is getting in the way of dating.

    You met him July and you haven’t made progress. Keep dating others and stop staying in contact with him.

    If you read this forum there are so many guys like him around. They claim to be interested, but do nothing to actually show you that.

    #777936 Reply


    I know to move on, I guess I’m asking more specifically what I should do – ignore his texts? Tell him I’m no longer interested in talking? Give him an explanation? Ask him his version of what happened?

    #777937 Reply


    It’s not really clear from your post if when he’s asked you out “every couple of weeks” you’ve actually gone on dates. If you haven’t been out together since July then this is clearly a waste of time and energy. If you are seeing each other every couple of weeks and he hasn’t stepped up to make it more consistent ie. more than 2 dates in a month then it’s still a waste of time and effort. I think you sound like back burner girl who he keeps in contact with so he has something to do until he meets “the one.” You don’t have to confront him. You can simple ask if he sees your relationship progressing.

    #777949 Reply


    I do feel like a back-burner girl. We have seen each other off and on since July, but the last month or so hardly at all. Just yesterday he texted me checking in and asking why I hadn’t been in contact…I didn’t really know what to say. I guess I assumed we mutually drifted apart, but he was implying he’d been waiting to hear from me.

    #778032 Reply


    I’d just ignore his texts unless they’re meaningful .

    #778035 Reply


    I agree with kaye and her solution, just ask him how he views this ‘relationship’. I would be fine to be a backburner girl if he was my backburner guy but if you are hoping for more meaningful then ask him

    #778045 Reply

    Better off single

    If you want him to lose interest give passive short responses. When he makes plans tell him you can’t make it.

    He could be trying to figure out your interest in him. Are you interested or is it just convenient?

    men and women are both really great in protecting their feelings these days and not asking those straight forward questions, skirting around the subject just wandering around in confusion posting questions on forums nobody really know the answers to except the people involved.

    #778059 Reply


    Good points, BOS. Nope, I’m not really all that interested, especially with his wishy-washy routine. Just curious about the situation, thanks for the opinions.

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