Think I'm too old for all this


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  • #572579 Reply
    Delta

    Hi Ashley,

    just a quick update.
    I went in the bar last night, with my friend, and during the evening we decided to go across the road to another bar for an hour, when we came back – he came and sat in our company alone. I was surprised a little as none of his friends were in our company at that time.
    As I was leaving I gave him a peck on the cheek as I do all my friends and bid them all goodnight.

    Tonight he wasnt out, as it’s his football tomorrow, so I will see what tomorrow evening brings.
    I’m feeling quite positive and good about myself.

    #572586 Reply
    Kelly

    Are you optimistic that you can move on? Or are you yet again viewing him low interest a positive? He still hasn’t asked for a date, has he? But will talk to you and hang out with you and friends if you happen to show up.

    #572647 Reply
    Delta

    Hi Kelly,

    Yes I am optimistic I can move on.
    A few things Ashley said regards ‘my worth’ hit home.

    I’m the prize not him.

    I just feel – my new business is doing well, I’ve refocused back on it these last
    few days, bought a new car and my mind space is not taken up totally by him.

    I will see him sometime today as we’re attending the same function this afternoon.
    But I’m not expecting him to ask me on a date, not anytime soon anyway.
    I think he’s trying to get his head around whats going down with the change in me.

    I will make sure I leave the function before him –
    1) Because I have a massive day tomorrow – workwise
    2) I don’t want him to get the impression I’m waiting around for him – as I wont be.
    I want to be up early and through alot of business by 11am and then go and try out a new Gym.

    Thats my plans for that rest of this weekend.

    #572675 Reply
    Kelly

    Good! But I hope you are doing this for you and not to get him. There is a difference between acting busy and really being busy and living your life.

    You don’t know what’s going on in his head. So I think it’s quite naive to think he is trying to figure out the change in you. Men are not that deep. Especially one that is just having casual sex with you.

    #572695 Reply
    Delta

    Hi Kelly,

    No I know, I did mean that light heartedly.
    And as I say – thinking back I encouraged that situation as much
    if not more than he. It’s just I developed feelings.

    He did ask the other night for me to join him at the bar for a drink, I just said I’m in company, maybe later. But of course I didn’t join him.

    Think the change in me is because of a massive movement in my business, which I didnt see coming. It also worried me that I took my eye off the ball and it could have gone the other way, thankfully it didn’t.

    Made me realise that everything I’ve been working for – I was not treating with the importance I normally would.
    So yes I’m planning my days – what I’m doing and sticking to it no matter what to stay on track.
    I am certainly not going to ask him if he wants a coffee, and I’m making myself just out of reach, to make it difficult for him to ask me.

    #572699 Reply
    kelly

    Well, he had a chance this past weekend and all he did was ask you to join him at a bar again. Not a date.

    #572723 Reply
    Delta

    As you say, it’s hard to read.
    I felt like he wanted to have a conversation at the bar – well obviously he did.

    But because I’m still in a weaker please – I didn’t want to feel vunerable, which was why I declined.

    I’m staying focused, as I say andkeeping in mind what I’m trying to acheive in business.
    He can talk to me openingly, I’m not going to the bar to chat, as I dont want him to ask any questions of me. I don’t really feel he has the right.

    #572794 Reply
    Ashley

    Good keep focusing on yourself :)

    #572823 Reply
    Hannah

    Good for you Delta! Keep up the new attitude!

    #573095 Reply
    Delta

    Hi,
    Well I went to the occasion yesterday. although I didn’t go until later in the day, rather than getting there at 5pm, I got there at 8pm.
    It was a fabulous evening.
    I said hi to him, as I did everyone else and also and didn’t give him any extra time.

    Later whilst my freinds and I were on the dancefloor, he joined us. He also made it clear he was dancing with me. I finished the dance and then left the floor.

    I left early as I said I would and never said my goodbyes, I just did an exit -.

    I was up like a lark this morning – never reached the gym and my work took over, but I got through loads of work and am on track.

    To be honest – I would have loved a little message from him, but we all knew that wasn’t going to happen. I also think he expected me to send him one – which in the past I would have done. But I jumped in bed, and thought NO!!

    I’m not saying it’s easy guys – it’s not. It is killing me – at times. BUT only at times.
    He had none of my head space today whilst working, which is a first. I just have to keep going.
    If anyone can think of a good ‘one liner’, if he does ask if I fancy a night cap etc, I’m all ears.
    I don’t mean anything abusive, or sounding bitter.
    I’d just like to lgive him the message, that I’m not a fb and he’s lost his chance of anything more now.

    #573099 Reply
    lyn

    If he asks for a night cap, I would say this:

    ” I would like to go on a date. That sounds great! I’m tired of going to the same old bar. I am free on xxx and xxx evenings.’

    That’s it. You don’t have to get into bitter messages about FWB and all that. aFterall, you set the stage for that before so you will sound foolish telling him that NOW.

    Men don’t respond to words. But they understand actions.
    Your actions moving forward need to be those of a woman wanting to date and get into a real relationship.

    If he isn’t even willing to set a date, after I suggested that line? Just give up. The guy is not going to pursue you.

    As it is, HE should have sent a text last night or today to follow up and say it was nice seeing and dancing with you. But apparently, even that is work for him. I am so not impressed with the guy. But if you really like him, give him one more shot.

    After this, I would just write it off and look elsewhere. Put him in the friend with NO benefit category.

    #573115 Reply
    Nat

    Delta – I am happy for you and good luck with your business.

    In your situation this is what I’d do as a one liner. If he asked me to do something, I’d say ‘thanks, but I have other plans’. And nothing else. If he insists, which is unlikely, still brush him off and say ‘sure, we’ll do that some time’.

    Rejection stings. Always. And he deserves a bite.

    You can’t make a man court you, you can’t make him treat you nicely. If he doesn’t, all you can do is walk away with dignity and not allow him take advantage of your feelings.

    One thing I notice every time, if a guy is even remotely interested in you, turning him down only makes him more interested not less. lol

    #573196 Reply
    Delta

    Thanks Lyn & Nat,

    Both of you have given me good advice, and I will keep it in mind.

    I’m trying to move forward and not expect to hear from him – which I know
    I won’t.
    Arrghh it’s so frustrating when you fancy the pants off someone. we’re also in the same profession, so had loads to talk about in that area also, which he did more than I.

    Anyway, i will keep you posted –
    Thank you guys – so much xxx

    #574715 Reply
    Delta

    Pretty gutted –

    So I went to one of the other bars after seeing my ‘friend’ and whilst in there, one of his friends came in.
    All chatty and socialising nicely – then his friend asked what happened between us?
    I didn’t want to tell him too much and he said, I know something has gone on because a few weeks back he was acting weird regards you.

    I asked him what he meant and his mate said he’d told him, I’ve had to pull away from her. His mate asked why and he told him, ” without going into details, we spent some really nice time together and I love her company also, but felt I was getting feelings” to that I said – ” me getting feeling”? his friends said no – he was. He doesn’t want a relationship, as his marriage and last serious relationship ended bad for him, so he’s staying out of anything serious.

    I just replied – well thats wise isn’t it?
    And his mate replied – not really he likes you. He then informed me that he’s since hooked up with someone else, because he doesnt want to do relationships.
    I said thats fine by me – and it’s the right thing to do so long as he’s being honest with people.

    His mate said – yeah but I think he’s done that to get past you – but it’s not worked as he doesnt shut up about you, but he’s frightened he’s falling for you.

    I just said – well he needs to sort himself out, no one can help him. Leave him with it.
    But I do feel gutted. But I’m not contacting him. :(

    #574737 Reply
    Amy S

    oh dear it sounds like you are a dog with a bone with this guy. Hes so complicated and too much work, seriously. Theres no hope for this one. You make choices and decisions in life and this guy will always mess up. Hes too negative. You need to really just forget about him. And i mean properly forget about him, not just put on a brave face, keep busy but internally be obsessing and hoping. I mean properly accepting its a no go and moving on to date others with the intention of that leading to something. You could waste years of your life on this one but choose not to hes not the only guy on the planet you know. x

    #574850 Reply
    Delta

    Hi Amy,
    Your right of course.
    You know what I think it is with me – I think it’s because I don’t fall for people
    easily.
    I can be asked out and chatted to by – quite a few men, and all in all, I’m pretty ok with being single, so there has to be that ?? something, to make me entertain someone.

    Why him – I think because our professions are the same and we were very physically attracted.
    But yes it’s not going to go anywhere, and I think to some extent he’s in the same place as me, although he’s throwing himself infront of others whereas I’m trying to work it all out and learn from it. As I said being off the scene for so long means I’m streets behind him in this area.

    I will get there – i’m sure. But I am so smitten when I see him – although I am good at covering that up also.
    My work is my savour at the moment – and I thank god for it everyday. I’ll keep going and I’ll just tell his freind i don’t want to discuss it with him.

    #574880 Reply
    Kelly

    Too much work! Funny thing is this. Men magically get over hurts and exes when they find the one they really want to be with. This is all very good manipulation on his part and his friend. Men who really want you don’t see or have sexy with other women to ‘get over ‘ someone they never had a serious relationship with to begin with. Doesn’t that just sound ludicrous?

    ‘I’m getting over a woman I never even tried to make a gf?’ Please don’t be that stupid and naive.

    #574882 Reply
    Kelly

    He never asked you out on dates! He only saw you at the bar and for sex. He didn’t ask you to be a gf. He didn’t chase you. Please have some dignity. We told you from your first post he was a time waster.

    #574907 Reply
    Phillygirl

    I’m sorry you are hurt, but it was pretty obvious to anyone paying attention (and not emotionally involved) that this is where this was headed.

    His friends aren’t very mature either. Why is he getting involved in this?! So high school.I would take anything he told you with a grain of salt (and without any real merit) as far as this guys “feelings” for you.

    Sounds like they all need to grow up.

    My ex was in a horrible marriage. His own family, and even people that were friends of both he and his ex, wife told me what a nightmare she was. And she cheated extensively,

    But when we got together he made it clear pretty early he was serious about me. He said he was not about to allow a bad marraige, and their wrong woman, keep him from the right woman (me). He was callling me his GF before 2 months (we did date many years ago, so we had history). He didn’t want to waste time this time around, regardless of his failed marriage.

    A man who really wants you doesn’t waste your time. He gives you the bulk of his time, attention, and affection. He never leaves you wondering. A man who doesn’t makes excuses. It is really that simple.

    If you really learn to absorb and accept this, it will make dating much easier for you going forward, and you will quickly cut off the emotionally unavailable time wasters.

    #574952 Reply
    Lyn

    I’m with philly. What surprises me when I read this thread and your other is your ages. It sounds so juvenile,

    Adults acting like kids.

    I’m sorry it didn’t work out, but agree that we all saw this coming the first time you posted, unfortunately it’s easier for people not involved emotionally, to see the truth.

    But a rule of thumb in the majority of situations? If you are posting on a forum for advice? 9 times out of ten? Your question is reallly a statement POSED as a question, meaning you knew the answer before you asked it,

    #575149 Reply
    Delta

    Most people – kinda know the answer before they come on here, but a lot more come on here for re-assurance and advice, a kind word.

    #575153 Reply
    Lyn

    So yes.. we were right,, and so were you when you posted…

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