Think I'm too old for all this

Read my last message to Ashley, she never came on here ‘labelling’ me.

Thats not nice or productive.
I’d rather speak with people that dont put me under a heading.

I am actually listening to her and as I mentioned in a previous message, I did say, she made a lot of sense.

Op – you are in a big thick pile of denial now… but don’t feel about it as everyone here went thru that stage… me, I had to learn the lesson twice to really get it….

In no more than 3 months, you will totally agree with us that if you have to ask, if you have to wonder, he does not like you, at least not enough….

Meemee,

I hope your right.

What I was asking Ashley, and yourself, is I’m not sure how to handle it from here on.

Whether to just say hi and continue as normal, but obviously not hook up. I must admit I do instigate as much if not more than him – a sexual relationship is nice, obviously.

But maybe just continue as friends, and not go down that route I suppose in future.

Look I’m not getting an argument – I’m merely saying yor categorising yourself now as these people who have been giving me advice.

Whether they were harsh or not, you gave no advice as they did and labelled me. And then talk of others advice.
Please just leave it there.

Here it is….straight.

You are a grown a$$ woman. Start acting like it. You are making up all these excuses why you can’t just back away and resume control of your life.

Who cares what he thinks. He’s supposed to be a grown a$$ man.

What do you do? You back way up. Initiate nothing and stop accepting any home/sex meet ups.

If he says hello, say hello politely and give no more than you would any other aquaintance.

You can be cordial and nice without more. Don’t flirt and certainly refuse invitations home with him.

If he asks why, you say that you are not interested in this current arrangement (for all intents and purposes) of casual hookup and no strings sex.

If he really cares about you more than that, he will ask to start over and DATE you. His actions so far predict he just fades away.

You are afraid to lose the “nothing” he is giving you, so you are avoiding addressing the elephant in the room.

Your feelings are now involved. You will get hurt either way, but a lot less if it ends sooner rather than later.

You are making a fool of yourself, which is not attractive at any age, and less so the older we get and should know better.

We are truly trying to help you, but you are digging in your heels, being stubborn, and not taking any of the advice, then wondering why we are being so harsh and blunt.

30 is too old for this, 40 is crazy to act this way. Fifties is beyond ridiculous ridiculous. Take your power back and act like the woman of value you clearly are…should you only choose to realize it. You are obviously no dummy but you’ve let this guy check your common sense at the door

Be pleasant but distant, in a ladylike way that shows you know what you want & will not accept less (without saying the words) think of this as a change of mindset more than action.

Try to see this objectively: you are putting him on a pedestal that he doesn’t deserve to be on. See how you asked how do you do this without making him think you’ve fallen out with him? That’s totally missing the point & backwards.

HE should be the one worrying about earning/impressing you!

The reason you’re in this predicament is your mindset is backwards. You are making him out to be the prize instead of yourself. All you have to do is realize this & do nothing but be pleasant.

And the silly banter back and forth, picking on people and a contentious nature..

Can’t wait for the update…

Hi Ashley,

just a quick update.
I went in the bar last night, with my friend, and during the evening we decided to go across the road to another bar for an hour, when we came back – he came and sat in our company alone. I was surprised a little as none of his friends were in our company at that time.
As I was leaving I gave him a peck on the cheek as I do all my friends and bid them all goodnight.

Tonight he wasnt out, as it’s his football tomorrow, so I will see what tomorrow evening brings.
I’m feeling quite positive and good about myself.

Hi Kelly,

Yes I am optimistic I can move on.
A few things Ashley said regards ‘my worth’ hit home.

I’m the prize not him.

I just feel – my new business is doing well, I’ve refocused back on it these last
few days, bought a new car and my mind space is not taken up totally by him.

I will see him sometime today as we’re attending the same function this afternoon.
But I’m not expecting him to ask me on a date, not anytime soon anyway.
I think he’s trying to get his head around whats going down with the change in me.

I will make sure I leave the function before him –
1) Because I have a massive day tomorrow – workwise
2) I don’t want him to get the impression I’m waiting around for him – as I wont be.
I want to be up early and through alot of business by 11am and then go and try out a new Gym.

Thats my plans for that rest of this weekend.

Hi Kelly,

No I know, I did mean that light heartedly.
And as I say – thinking back I encouraged that situation as much
if not more than he. It’s just I developed feelings.

He did ask the other night for me to join him at the bar for a drink, I just said I’m in company, maybe later. But of course I didn’t join him.

Think the change in me is because of a massive movement in my business, which I didnt see coming. It also worried me that I took my eye off the ball and it could have gone the other way, thankfully it didn’t.

Made me realise that everything I’ve been working for – I was not treating with the importance I normally would.
So yes I’m planning my days – what I’m doing and sticking to it no matter what to stay on track.
I am certainly not going to ask him if he wants a coffee, and I’m making myself just out of reach, to make it difficult for him to ask me.

As you say, it’s hard to read.
I felt like he wanted to have a conversation at the bar – well obviously he did.

But because I’m still in a weaker please – I didn’t want to feel vunerable, which was why I declined.

I’m staying focused, as I say andkeeping in mind what I’m trying to acheive in business.
He can talk to me openingly, I’m not going to the bar to chat, as I dont want him to ask any questions of me. I don’t really feel he has the right.