This topic contains 13 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by T from NY 1 month, 1 week ago.
October 21, 2020 at 5:04 am #820437
Hi all. Only been with the man for a few weeks. He initially told me his ex was blocked but a text flashed up on his phone from her this morning. I asked about it and we had a row. He said he unblocked her as they work in the same building and he was due to do some work in her offices, so wanted the air clear however I can see she is suddenly loving all his social media posts that have him in it and he lied that he hadn’t heard from her.
He says he is with me because he wants to be with me, and im making too much of this and he didnt tell me because he knew I’d react as I struggle with contact with exs from a partner
He won’t show me the texts saying he would never ask to go through my phone and trusts I would manage anything without having to tell him. (He had a partner who would go through his phone and struggles with that I think)
What are peoples views on this please? I feel quite sick with it as I worry he will go back with her. They were together 18 months. He was single for five months before we met.October 21, 2020 at 6:54 am #820452
You’re in the early stages of dating so you get to decide if this is worth dealing with. If it’s irritating enough, then I would end it. I also don’t like when a guy says one thing (my ex is blocked) and then you realize she really isn’t. Especially in the early stagesOctober 21, 2020 at 7:28 am #820460
You don’t know this man and this is a lot of drama for a few weeks. Are you exclusive? And even so, it takes several months for a relationship to get even remotely solid. It is not serving you to care about exes who talk occasionally, and being hyper crazy about it, just as it does not serve him to be so weird about his phone. That said, you need to decide in or out or this will be on ongoing issue. People can cheat no matter what. Why would he even tell you he blocked an ex? That is a weird thing to discuss unless you insisted on it.October 21, 2020 at 8:54 am #820499
I didnt insist, we were talking about past experiences and he said how she was controlling and I said I struggle with exs hanging around, and he said after they split he blocked her. Now thisOctober 21, 2020 at 11:10 am #820525
I don’t know what to tell you other than you seem to be an untrusting person and he is being shady. That is a bad mix. I don’t think this will work.October 21, 2020 at 12:48 pm #820537
Trust your gut, not him. He LIED to you and blames you for his deception? AND he won’t show you the texts? NOPE. That’s not the grounds for a decent relationship. He isn’t done with her and you know it at some level. Next!October 22, 2020 at 6:43 am #820715
So we have split. He says he cant do with having to explain himself and prefers it on his own, as its easier and less hassle for him. We are keeping in contact as friends and he is supportive of something going on for me right now. He has a history of bailing since the end of his marriage five years ago no matter who hes with, so I guess its not a surprise.October 22, 2020 at 9:43 am #820736
You sure go fast. I dont see how you can be in a relationship within a few weeks. You barely know each other. So in the future you might not want to be so eager to jump in rightaway. And i also cant see how your question why she is texting him when he blocked her could turn into a row. Its an ok question, his answer that he changed his mind since they work together also makes sense. From your post i get you pushed it from there and maybe even asked to check his phone. Thats not good from your part. Im not saying ignore it, but truth will enfold anyway. No need to go stalk social media and accuse. Be more confident and assess.
And he does sound like a guy who cant be alone and can commit either. Not a good bet. I think the fact you broke up is a good thing for you and maybe a sign to not go so fast next timeOctober 22, 2020 at 10:14 am #820741
Newbie whilst I think you make good points, I habe to also say this site is full of advice about ensuring a guy commits before you sleep with him. I did that? And he asked me to be his girlfriend before we slept together after we had been dating a couple of weeks. Are you saying that isnt what should happen then? I am aware we continue to get to know each other however he asked we try a relationship- i didn’t stalk social media either or any such thing.October 22, 2020 at 10:19 am #820742
Yeah i see what you mean that this is a route when you dont want to sleep with a guy before some sort of commitment. Ill take it back. I guess i didnt see many situations where a guy asked to be gf/bf that early on.October 22, 2020 at 10:48 am #820749
You need to work on your distrust. The label so early only means we are trying, not a long term commitment which takes a long time to cement.October 22, 2020 at 11:32 am #820759
Thanks Newbie, yes I agree with Tall I agree it only means we have agreed to try as see potential.
I’m no good at gauging time frames. I would appreciate your opinions on that. I dont want to wait weeks to see if we are compatible in bed, but equally never want to sleep with someone unless they feel we have long term potential and commit to trying.
How do you both manage it?October 22, 2020 at 6:38 pm #820854
I slept with guys pretty early with different outcomes. Now i would only have sex with a guy if we both agree to be sexually exclusive. Meaning we could date other people but not have sex or just date that person for now. But the being gf/bf would be later on and has more meaning in that we want to share our lives together and find out if we make a good coupleOctober 23, 2020 at 1:39 pm #820982
T from NY
As with so many other things with dating – this is just a watch and see situation. If we as women could just calm ourselves (myself included) men nearly ALWAYS show us exactly what’s going on. They are less times going to TELL you with words, even less when we ask them outright.
And to the point of jumping in – that can be physically with sex, as well as jumping into a relationship with a label tacked on to it. Men can do that for soooo many reasons and usually if it’s too early it has less to do with the woman, and his ardor for her (because he doesn’t even know her) and more about their need to – not have any competition, makes them feel good and can show their friends or their ex they are desirable, etc etc.
I would not be happy if a guy I was dating was conversing regularly with an ex and I would also definitely ask a question about it. But the ME I know I should be would tell myself to chill and wait it out. In dating we should be doing that all the time in the first year or two anyway to continually assess a mans character. Chillin, watchin, trying to enjoy life and the other person, checkin in with ourselves if we feel happy and compatible and supported. That’s your only job right now.