Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Take anger out on relationship
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January 22, 2024 at 10:07 pm #943486TexasAngel
My bf has been taking all his anger and frustrations out on me and I don’t understand. If it’s work related, his family, or his daughter irritating him her takes it out on me. My birthday is coming up and he kind of ruined my excitement for it. I find myself not calling him as much as I use to because his attitude is so stinky and negative. He brings down my mood or I guess I allow him to. I just try to be there but I can’t fix everything. I hope I’m making some sense here lol. But in all seriousness it truly hurts. Be mad at those people and don’t bring it and take it out on me. I’ve told him this and of course he gets defensive and denies. I have been through a physical abusive relationship and I really don’t want this to be a verbal version. I give him
my prayers and the best advice I can give. But it’s still not fair. I wanted to just talk to him about the excitement of my bday coming up n a few hours and boom! iI get met with negative attitude because of someone else. I let him vent and I stayed wanting to let him know I was there but he gave me cold shoulder. This freaking sucks and hurts. I love him immensely. How can I help him.January 23, 2024 at 12:24 am #943487Raven
You can’t help him, so help yourself & leave this relationship, while you are only his emotional punching bag… If you don’t, you’ll be his physical punching bag soon.
January 23, 2024 at 1:12 am #943488Maddie
You didn’t cause the problem, so you can’t fix it, because it’s not actually about you. Plus, he’s a full grown man not a child, there’s nothing for you to help with. Someone regularly taking displaced anger out on you does not respect you or know how to love in a healthy way, which is a problem with them. You’re right that someone can still be abusive without it getting physical (at least, not physical yet), and you’re getting lots of warning signs right now. You may love him, but that does not make him a good or a safe partner for you. Please love yourself more and walk away from unacceptable behavior. A good boyfriend should want to lift you up, not regularly leave you feeling hurt. You’re worthy and deserving of care and respect and of celebrating your birthday!
January 23, 2024 at 10:21 am #943489AngieBaby
This feels like the same person who wrote Emotional Drained a few days ago. Same speech patterns. Same no-win situation that any other person with common sense would just walk away from. @Moderator, would you please check this out. Maybe I’m wrong but the similarities jump right out at me.
January 23, 2024 at 11:33 am #943490Peggy
I fully agree with Maddie. This is not fixable, because he does not care enough about you to “get it” and stop or get help to change his behavior. I finally just got out of a relationship like this. I was always in the line of fire, he was a bitter, angry man and resisted all my efforts to help him do the work to get to a happier place. Some people just feel entitled to be miserable and actually enjoy it on some level.
I should have left years ago. Life is a million times better for me, everyday. When I have needed to contact him, since I left to get mail etc. ,he does not even ask how I am. He is “all about him”, and now I see that he always was this way. Go, this will not get better!January 23, 2024 at 12:40 pm #943491Tammy
Agree with angie. Something similar and fishy abt this post. Obviously written shwing shes being abused but endin it with a stupid comment abt how to help the guy! What a load of crap!
January 23, 2024 at 2:56 pm #943492ANM StaffKeymasterGood catch. Yes, same person as “Naomi” etc. from the other day. So, let’s address this.
To the Original Poster, who has posted under the names TexasAngel, Naomi, Markis, Mark, Drained, Shrae, and perhaps a couple others:
I had addressed you recently in another one of your posts, and I made it clear that I wanted you to stop posting your stories under different names.
Posting under different names doesn’t *really* bother me, but it does raise my suspicions. But posting a fake story (some fictional dude cheating on gf), and then following a pattern of posing as new people, *does* bother me. It bothers me because it’s disrespectful of this community. It’s disrespectful of the time and emotional energy that people put into responding.
OP – All of your posts, taken together, suggest that you’re a person who’s suffering, and you want clarity and solutions. I believe that. People who are suffering in their relationships and seek clarity are welcome here.
But also, you’re just venting at the community. It doesn’t seem like you’re interested in reading responses or learning from advice given to you. That’s the vibe I get from someone who keeps posting the same story but posing as a new person each time. That behavior is not welcome here.
I don’t think that posting here is going to help you. Please do not post here anymore.
I wish you luck in finding clarity for your situation. I have no ill will towards you. But please take your writing somewhere else.
January 23, 2024 at 2:58 pm #943493ANM StaffKeymasterThanks again to those of you who pointed out that this had a familiar vibe. My apologies that I didn’t catch this going on a while ago. It’s a little more difficult these days to pin-down the patterns. I don’t want there to be shenanigans goin’ on ’round these parts, but I also want to be reasonably sure before I step in and start blastin’.
Anyway, I also wanted to thank the community members who answer all of these posts and treat them as good faith… even when it turns out that the post is problematic later.
Many of y’all have been around long enough to see this crop-up every few months. I know it’s a bummer when we see it play out! So that’s why I wanted to say, again, I really appreciate you being here, and I hope this doesn’t bring down the mood.
I’m going to lock this post from further posting. I know many of you are really suspicious of this person’s motivies, but I don’t want to have a situation where we pile-on scorn (even if you feel like it’s justified!).
Be well everyone! Onto the next topic… :)
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