Stuck waiting on his text/call? Quick fix!


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  • #378732 Reply
    Jenna

    This is from the ANM newsletter, and although this one has been advised over and over, a lot of other ladies out here could use it. Hopefully this will decrease the amount of “why didn’t he call/text” posts.

    An Easy Tip to Stay In Control Of Your Relationship (and Emotions)

    Sabrina Alexis here and I’m gonna reveal
    a secret that will help you keep you stay
    in control of your relationships and
    make communicating with your man
    effortless and without drama.

    We get tons of questions that fall along
    the lines of why a guy didn’t text back, or
    what a certain text means, or why a guy
    waited X amount of days before calling,
    etc. I’ve been there and I know that these
    things can make you bonkers!

    When you like a guy, it’s really exciting
    to hear from him and incredibly frustrating
    when you don’t.

    It’s human nature to try and understand
    things, especially when they impact us so
    deeply, and it feels only natural to do some
    detective work when we just don’t get it.

    While analyzing everything that gets
    said (and is left unsaid) may seem
    innocent, it can take an ugly toll on
    your relationship, not to mention, your
    emotional state.

    Guys can seem pretty oblivious at
    times but don’t be fooled; they are
    incredibly skilled at picking up on
    neediness.

    When your emotional state rides on whether
    or not he responds to you, he can sense it.
    He knows he has complete control and
    knows you aren’t going anywhere since you
    have so much riding on him. You need him to
    respond to you in a certain way.

    I know it can feel impossible to gain control
    over a mind that only wants to focus on him,
    but it’s actually quite simple when you follow
    this strategy.

    Ready?

    Treat him like he’s just another one of your
    friends.

    Think about it.

    You don’t expect to hear from your friends
    every single day.

    And if you don’t hear from a friend for a few
    days or if she takes a few hours to text you
    back, you don’t panic and wonder if the
    friendship is doomed and think your friend
    doesn’t care about you anymore.

    Instead, your thoughts probably go something
    like “hm, I guess (insert name) must be pretty
    busy at work, I’m sure I’ll hear from her later.”

    You don’t obsess and pick apart the last text
    you sent to her, trying to find a hidden clue that
    would explain her lack of a response.

    You also probably don’t think and re-think, write
    and re-write the texts you send your friends,
    carefully calculating every punctuation mark
    and debating whether or not to use an emoticon.

    The e-mails, texts, ims and phone calls with
    your friends require no analysis or wave of
    emotions. They’re easy, effortless and natural.

    THIS is how you should approach your
    interactions with the fellas. As soon as you
    ditch the drama and just let things happen
    naturally, the pressure hanging over the
    relationship that you weren’t even consciously
    aware of will dissipate.

    You will also feel a whole lot better and more
    confident once that guy no longer has complete
    control over your emotions.

    I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it, nothing is
    more appealing, intriguing and irresistible to a man
    than a secure, confident woman who can be just as
    happy with him as she is without him.

    Give it a try and see how it works!

    Lots of love,
    Sabrina Alexis

    #378750 Reply
    Stefanie

    THANKS for this timely reminder!!! For all those who feel out of control, get your power back by doing what she says here. It’s sooooo simple.

    #378760 Reply
    JoJo

    How long is too long to hear back from a guy?

    Been talking/seeing a guy for a little over a month. We had the “where is this going/what are you looking for” talk already. He says he’s not ready to jump into a relationship and neither am I at this point. He also told me he is still dating (no one in particular but just in general) as am I! I ask him after that discussion, if he is still interested in seein me, he said yes. Fine. I’m ok with this because it is what is for only a month into talking/seeing him.

    Also our texting habits were once frequent like a few exchanges almost every day to every other day but then it started getting infrequent. I am not the type to text every day especially since I know to some guys that can come across as “needy” and I am NOT that. He didn’t flirt that much in person or in text and when I tried he gave me cold or no responses. But he kept texting me. I don’t understand why keep trying to talk to a girl if you are losing interest?

    Then I started to wonder maybe I was playing it “too cool” with not texting him a lot every day etc.

    I know I should be occupying my time with hobbies and friends etc which I am trying to do but not enough to make me stop thinking about this. I really liked him and he made it seem like he was into me too, but I guess boys are fickle.

    By the way I HATE texting when it comes to getting to know someone. So this is all driving me nuts.

    #378764 Reply
    Jenna

    If you “hate” texting to get to know someone, then let him know. Eric shared a story where he was confidently told by a girl, “I hate texting in the beginning”. What happened after this? He respected her more. She was bold, confident, and knew what she wanted. She knew her worth.

    When you confidently tell a guy what you want, either two things will happen: he will step up if he really is into you or he will not want to deal with you anymore.

    This guy told you he is still dating others. And he still is, which is why he is not focused on you. You should be doing the same.

    #378777 Reply
    Jane

    Hi, I have been through a similar situation, I was very busy all the time I saw him, made sure I told him of parties and social events I went to, and that I wasn’t waiting for his call or last minute invite to go out with him or his texts, but would go out with others or go away if he didn’t book me in advance. But after 7 weeks, when we had the talk which I ended up unintentionally initiating as I didn’t want to sleep with him without knowing if it was monogamous, and it was getting close, then he has only texted me back once and called once in 3 days. We agreed to speak today but he didn’t call (I didn’t call back as he said before that he contacted me ‘every day’ so now I know by the fact he didn’t contact me at all today that the talk has scared him off.
    We met online which might impact on the seriousness by which he sees it, as he said recently when we had the ‘talk’ that he goes on for a while, then offline and back on the site, so he’s used to short term things it seems.
    I had doubted him for some time due to certain behaviours he had which made my very uneasy (not making clear or big plans, mainly casual things, or any plans further than a few days-max 5 days in advance, occasional cancelling by text – no call, mainly texting other than some calls now and again but reluctantly, mainly when i asked him to. I don’t like texting so didn’t always reply or replied slowly, often a day later, because I’d told him I preferred calls and he clearly preferred texts, not asking me much about myself, forgetting things about me, not sharing that much with me unless I asked about it first, not giving me lifts when i said I was tired or felt ill and it would’ve saved lots of time for him to pick me up or meet me half way.
    I felt like he was initially leaving me til last minute but then became more interested in the last month, but I didn’t know if this was only for sex. All this boiled up until I saw him at the weekend and told him I felt he wasn’t very interested in me. I got very upset about what I perceived as him seeing other women as he got mixed up with me and others in what he remembered talking to me about. I challenged him and he felt awkward and backed off. Maybe i was paranoid and he wasn’t seeing other women but it was really suspicious that he acted the way he did. He could’ve just called me more regularly and not made me worry or not know when I’d see him or how he thought about me.
    I think he thinks I checked his phone/email. He said he thought I didn’t trust him even though he told me he wasn’t sleeping with other women, but all the signs were that he was, given he had spent saturday nights with other women, had no male friends, made plans in advance with other women but not me, and went off to take calls or text when we were out together, even though this was only once or twice a week when we saw each other.
    Then today I saw he had gone back on the dating site yesterday. So he had moved on and called me but I had missed the call. He hadn’t bothered to call back today to tell me.
    I guess with these guys, it’s hit and run. They try for a while but if you dont sleep with them, and demand a decent level of attention, they disappear. I half expected it due to signs earlier on, but of course confronting it makes it happen more quickly. At least that stops you wasting more time…
    One thing I always worry about is that they dont respect me due to my age, being in 30s, not 20s anymore and being very independent and strong. I think players prefer young women so my age would impact on how they treat me and I think this one (though he didn’t say anything but always let me speak to fill the gaps and then said nothing) would respect a young women more. I certainly had shit when I was in my 20s so maybe being older has helped me see through the bull*** better and get out earlier without sleeping with them.
    I havent contacted him again but feel upset by his lack of care.

    #378782 Reply
    Jane

    Sabrina, do you think one should NOT call or text a guy who has gone back on a dating site where you “met” him just a day or two after the “talk” (which went badly – though he said he wanted to develop a relatioship with me, he clearly didn’t in reality as he’s since barely contacted me other than a text back and a call – I think to end it – which I missed and did’t call him back but did offer to last night which he said tomorrow was ok, but never called or texted today)? He has clearly moved on already as he went on the dating site after 7 weeks of being off it and isn’t that bothered about me or he would make it clear he does want to see me. But I really pissed him by raising it at the weekend so that’s scared him away.

    I know you advocate not having the talk, and I was playing cool, and not asking him, but the problem you haven’t tackled is that when it comes to staying over, even if you are not having sex with them, and it’s been past the 7 week mark, they expect sex, and then how can you NOT have the talk? I didn’t want to sleep with him IF he was seeing others. I said this, not because I wanted to have a talk, but because I didn’t want to get hurt by having sex before I knew where I stood with him. Therefore we ended up having the talk in a difficult way. Although he said he was monogamous, I can hardly believe it as he has only female friends, doesn’t show much interest in me, has been vague about what he does in the week, kept himself at a distance emotionally, and is extremely good looking, intelligent and eligible. So I had to raise the issue of monogamy. That resulted in him losing interest and moving on.

    So what do you suggest in that situation? When you are unsure of the guy, you dont sleep with him, and ask him about monogamy, but then he moves on straight away. Should you contact him at all after this or assume game over?

    #663157 Reply
    Bebe

    OMG! This advice is priceless :D Thank you !!!

    #663191 Reply
    be strong

    @ Jane
    My advice to you is not to second guess your decision for bringing up the talk. I totally disagree to not bring up the talk when you can see all the signs that the guy is not opening up but putting an impediment into getting close to you by not showing interests in your life or opening up about himself for you to know him and getting closer.
    This is a hallmark of a man who shows detachment because he has no intention of progressing the relationship. Also, shows he’s distracted by other women therefore, he does not feel compelled to invest his emotions towards you because it will make him feel connected to you – that’s why he went straight back to the dating app. He’s not vested and showed that by his lack of interest in getting to know you deeper. He’s held off the pretense too long to give you the impression he’s not in it for the hit and run sex that online dating is littered with – subsequently, he could care less what you feel or your level of interest in him, does not matter. You beat him at his own game.
    So be proud you phished him and his intentions quick before sex came into play whereby you’d have felt more used and that would affect your emotional wellbeing even worse. Be confident at your decision and do not call him that way he’ll realize that you’re not one of the women he uses and discard with reckless abandon.
    From your post, he’s handsome and possibly have women at his beck and call, therefore, waiting for one woman that long to lay and at the same time she’s bold enough to require him to show integrity of which am sure he’s never been confronted like that before probably caught him off guard. I wouldn’t contact him.
    I just disengaged with a guy I’ve been seeing for over a year and foolishly went with the go with the flow mantra and did not discuss what we were and just like your guy he put the impediment on our relationship where there was never a forum for me to bring the discussion up and being that I had stayed too long, bringing the discussion has now expired to make sense because he’s happy to treat me with dismissive detachment, just like your guy he barely shows interest in me or what goes on around me and rarely discusses his and when I ask him about himself he’ll give a one liner answer. Yes, he enjoys my company, shows me off (eyeroll) and I can see he loves my company too, but I couldn’t continue any longer as I did not see any fulfillment in the relationship. So, I laid out how I felt to him 4 weeks ago and disengaged and hasn’t contacted me him since and he has not contacted me either. I know the reason he hasn’t contact me is because that’ll require him to give me what I want in the relationship which is consistency, invested interest by concerning himself about me and most important commitment. So, since I stopped communicating with him I’ve felt better as the days/weeks go by because I no longer feel anxious and empty.
    As women regardless how much we’re chided for being emotional, at the end of the day we still crave a fulfilling companionship from a man because it mellows our spirit when it’s given with affection – it’s part of femininity to be desired and know that a man is committed to us.
    In a nutshell, my advice to you is not to contact him at all – matter of fact at this juncture you’re holding the card because of your boldness in stating your claim in the relationship. Wish I’d done what you did early on in my case – which is usually how I role, I don’t stick around when I notice detachment early on – it’s always served me well. Sometimes we veer off in life.
    I am proud of you – you did the right thing, his silence and detachment is a tactics to make you chase him and run your emotions hay wired as they are right now.

    #663385 Reply
    PlopPlop

    original post is 3 years old

    #668992 Reply
    Jan

    I love how simply you’ve laid this out. I’ve grown accustomed to hearing from my everyday and it frustrates me when he doesn’t respond right away to my texts. There have been a few days when I did not text him in the morning (like I had been in the past with a good morning or 💋). By noon, he was texting and asking if I was ok. I did not reply immediately so he texted again an hour later. I’ll be going back to this approach immediately.

    #668999 Reply
    Pam

    Jan
    That is game playing. Ignoring messages intentionally to get a reaction will backfire on you. It’s one thing to be busy and not be able to answer right away, it another to be glued to your phone at the ready to respond immediately! Stop being so tied to your phone and just respond as you would a friend,

    #669006 Reply
    Jan

    @Pam – I suppose it is. I was mostly concentrated on not always being the one to initiate our text streams. When I did not send a text in the morning, he noticed and checked in mid-day. I was at work and could not reply immediately, but did so on the 2nd text, because it was during my lunch hour. I totally get what you’re saying though and you’re right.

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