Strange texting style is confusing .

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Liz Lemon 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #928948 Reply


    Hi all, things are going really well. I’ve been seeing this person for 3 months now. We are both late 40s F

    When we first met she told me she prefers to listen rather than be the talker. We work well in that way and I make sure to find r her space to talk.

    The ones thing that I find confusing is her texting style. I know it’s just text. I am wondering if she just doesn’t have much to say. If we are having playful banter then she takes it there and we have great back abs forth, but if it’s just an evening catch up over text she will disappear for on hour then send a reply or sometimes it’s the end of the conversation but you don’t really know if she has gone out, gone to bed, decided she has no more to say.

    Most of the people I text with will say talk later, or goodnight i etc but she kind of just stops without background.

    Other people I have dated text more about their day so I get a sense of what is going on in their life but I’m only really getting a sense of what is in her head and heart and little about the day to day stuff. She will tell me on the weekend what she was up to or if I ask she will tell me but I kind of feel like I’m not getting a sense of the rest of her life.

    This has come up when we are in person and she will say that we don’t text much. I will say that more than happy to but I’m taking her lead. She will then say that one of her friends pointed out to her that to get to know one another and to grow closer we need to both talk about our day more and I will say I would be happy to do that but then she will say that I who really wants lots of texts about that sort of stuff, the boring day to day stuff.

    She will text me about going away, the weekend, dinner invited out with her friends how she feels about me so that’s all great but I never know if it’s end of the conversation for the day or not it kind of feels odd to me. Any ideas ?

    Oh for those that know this stuff we are both fearful / avoident and we are aware of what that means for us.

    #928949 Reply


    Yes, get used to it…. And attach zero meaning to it. That is her communication style. Or pick up the phone.

    #928950 Reply


    Or ask her to signal when the conversation is over.

    #928951 Reply


    I used to be like that , but it was because I didn’t really want to get attached to texting.
    My friend however was happy to text but then she didn’t want to talk about boring stuff like how was her day etc.
    So everyone is different

    #928952 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    I agree with the others. This is her style, so you’ll have to get used to it. Your in-person interactions are much more important than texting anyway.

    “one of her friends pointed out to her that to get to know one another and to grow closer we need to both talk about our day more”

    Two comments about that– one, keep friends out of your relationship. Relationships are not a spectator sport. What the two of you do is between you. You don’t need friends commenting on how you do things.
    Second comment– why don’t you do regular phone calls to catch each other up on your days, if she’s not into texting? Even just a short one to catch up.

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