This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by T from NY 2 months, 1 week ago.
August 18, 2020 at 6:30 pm #803226
I’ve written on a lot of forums about my heartbreak after my ex ended things over a year ago, I wrote a lot about struggling for months with it and finally got over it at Christmas. So been broken up for a year and 4 months. I was absolutely heartbroken,n we were each others first relationship and he was my first everything.
I had been talking to someone new for the past 5 months and we went on a few dates but he ended things as we’re going back to uni. I was upset but understand and we have said no hard feeling or anything. This only ended a week ago i had been feeling rubbish about it all week
Coming off feeling upset about that, my friends ended up out with my ex’s friends (all one group) and we went back to his to have a little party there. I did not expect anything to happen at all, as far as I was aware he ended things and basically didn’t think of me again. We’d chatted a few times on nights out, but I always tried to keep it short because being around him would be too much for me. He has NEVER before instigated anything since the breakup which is why I was so surprised.
Anyway, I was sick a few times and my ex came in. He apologised to me loads about what had happened (which he has done drunk before) but I just told him to stop, and then also kissed me, which was very surprising and I didn’t see it coming. I was very drunk so went to sleep after this as he took me to his room to let me lie down. I woke up still quite drunk an hour later and he came up and we ended up having sex all night. He was telling me all sorts saying how sorry he was, telling me insecurities, complimenting me, and said he had “missed this”. And I know none of it’s true.
We hadn’t seen each other since Christmas when he brought a girl on a date to where I work. The last message I had to him was me asking him not to bring dates to my work and him blocking me. He then unblocked me and for the past 7 months hes gone onto my Instagram and viewed my stories despite not following each other. I questioned him about this (he brought up that we don’t follow each other) and he said “i just like to check up on you, see what you’re up to”.
I feel like I have 1)betrayed myself, 2) completely acted with no self respect, 3) made an idiot of myself. I say if I hadn’t been that drunk i wouldn’t have let it happen, but I think deep down I know I would have. It gave me some sick kind of validation. And waking up not knowing if it meant anything and he probably thought I was convenient for sex that night, it makes me feel a bit empty inside and stupid.
Part of me wants to speak to him, the other part doesn’t and I don’t know how I feel now. I feel quite used. I enjoyed the sex and hadn’t had sex for while so that wasn’t the problem, I just wish it hadn’t happened with him to avoid how I feel now. I’m so confused by myself. I think I regret it because it probably didn’t mean anything to him. I have had meaningless sex and felt fine after, I just don’t think its something to do with the ex.August 18, 2020 at 8:19 pm #803248
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Try not to be so hard on yourself- we’ve all been there. I certainly have! It was a weak moment when you were drunk. I get why you are upset, but please try and put it behind you. You sound like you have your head screwed on and your response when sober isn’t to be pining for him but to recognise it for what it was. Its not embarrassing that you had sex with him… only if you tell yourself it is, really you done what hundreds and thousands of us have done in a weak moment. Beating yourself up won’t change the fact you made a drunken mistake.
Just keep your distance from him now. You were clearly doing great and this is just a set back. You recognise him for what he is and you know your worth.
Be kind to yourself now! I’m sending a great big virtual hug xxAugust 18, 2020 at 8:33 pm #803249
First: Forgive your self…
Second: YOU unfriend & block him on everything.
Third: Let it go & resume No Contact
Fourth: Keep moving forward…August 19, 2020 at 3:18 am #803283
Thank you everyone.
I am just worried with myself, I am having feelings of missing him, things I haven’t felt for a while. I almost want it to happen again, and I don’t know why.
He didn’t even message me the next day and I feel so bad for it. I don’t know why I can’t just accept it as sex, why do I want it to be something more when I know it wasn’t for him? I’m assuming it wasn’t as he hasn’t acted in any way to prove it did, expect for what he was saying drunk which I know probably wasn’t trueAugust 19, 2020 at 1:45 pm #803356
You have to forgive yourself and try to block it on your mind. You are young and got drunk. This happens. It only gets a thing if you give it meaning. Also move on. A guy who brings a girl to his ex’s work is not right in his head. At least not yet (lets hope he get wiser with the years). Remember the heartbreak and the work you did to move on. Dont do it againAugust 19, 2020 at 7:20 pm #803414
I don’t think it would happen again. I can’t imagine him wanting me again. I think I was just convenient for him at the time.
My mum gave me some tough love and told me he won’t have given it a second thought and I will gain nothing from trying g to communicate with him. I just wish he had messaged me the next day but I know he doesn’t care.
I have always had a soft spot for him, and he clearly isn’t the same and I need to not put myself in a position where I am vulnerable to that. I don’t want to be easy sex for someone who hurt me so muchAugust 19, 2020 at 8:47 pm #803438
T from NY
What Raven said all day long