Should I risk reaching out to him

Please get some support around developing and maintaining some boundaries. I stopped reading after about 1/3 of the way through that message with all the back and forth texting. You said you didn’t want to talk with him anymore, yet you kept responding to his texts, taking his calls, listening to him and giving him your energy, love and attention.

When you learn how to have healthy boundaries, you will learn that when he asked why you didn’t want to be in communication anymore, you were under no obligation to respond. And by now I’m sure you can see how counterproductive it is to respond to those kinds of questions, because all it does is 1. get you all worked up and emotional 2. give him a bunch of ammunition to argue that your “why” isn’t good enough reason 3. teaches him that you don’t follow through on what you say. You say stop contacting me, yet you reward him when he contacts you by engaging in more conversation.

I get how much it hurts and I get how you feel pain seeing him in pain. I know how hard it is to watch someone you care about continually put him or herself through hell (kind of the same way we’re all watching you do that to yourself right now). The thing that I’ve learned, and it was a long road to learn it so please don’t beat yourself up for not knowing any better… anyway, I’ve learned that we can’t really help other people. We can’t take their pain away, we can’t protect them from their stupid mistakes, habits, addictions, lack of boundaries or whatever the problem is. We can hold a space for them, we can love them, but letting them have their way at our expense not only hurts US, but it actually hurts them, too. Sacrificing our own emotional wellbeing or any other precious resource of ours not only leaves us depleted and hurt, but it just teaches them to be helpless… then we end up with nothing left, feeling hurt and alone and the other person is either no better off or he goes off and finds another person whose soul/body/bank account he can suck dry.

Do not be the victim of this anymore. Take a close look at your responsibility in this. You allow him to take advantage of you. That’s not his fault. That’s your own responsibility. I get why you do it, because you were taught somewhere along the way that if you’re a good person, you let people hurt you and take advantage. But that’s not what makes you a good person… that’s what will make you a broken person. A victim.

So, with love and care, please find a counselor, a support group or something where you can learn and practice setting and maintaining boundaries. Some kind of group for women or co-dependents or something. There are resources out there, many of them are free if necessary. Lots of love to you. I am not judging you. I just see myself in you… back when I used to get used and abused and made excuses for men who gave me more trouble than love. It took time to learn, but it was so worth it. My wish for you is that you find healing in this and become a stronger woman because of this experience.

Sweetie… this is your fault, but not because of why you think. It is because….

A. You knew he was not ready, but you proceeded anyhow

B. When a man says at 2 months he is unsure, it means he is unsure=not interested. Same thing.

C. You kept trying to convince someone – ok to ask, always leave if they say no or stay confused

D. You slept with a man before he was committed, that is on you.

Did he keep going when he knew you might want more? Yes, but you knew he did not or was on the fence and did not opt out, that is 1000% on you

But when really that wasn’t the case and he knew it..

You’ve only known this guy for a few months. There is no reason for you to be a listening ear for his problems. He has friends and family for that who have been around alot longer than you. So don’t use this being a friend excuse to try to keep him in your life.

You will never know the true story, whether he really was interested in pursuing something with you and all the fighting screwed it up or whether he was trying to work things out with her the whole time. But you know what…it doesn’t matter! The end result is the same, you two didn’t work out. It is over, done with and you need to cut him out of your life.

Hey Guys

I hope you remember me and my story if not I hope it’s not too much to ask. Of you to skim through to hopefully jog your memory. Well it’s been 3 weeks and couple days since I talk to him after everything happen. He contact me for the first time since asking me how I was and just checking up. I told him “I’m Fine”. Next day he wish me Happy Fourth of July and this is what happen..

Him : Happy 4th of July

Me : I don’t have the patience for you or your ex’s bull****. I’m sick of you acting like you care to use me for my affection f**k off.

Him : I have nothing to do with her, no drama over here

Me : Oh so I’m a second choice you know if you we’re at least a friend you wouldn’t treat me like that

Him : I’m not I just wanted to give space cuz I knew you would think that. You already know how history with someone goes, I had to let go in order to even be fair to you

Me : Whatever

Him : Your right, Sorry I bothered

Me : Sorry, I’m still a tad angry and you hurt my feelings.

Him : Yeah I know, that was on me and I can’t take it back.

Me : Ok
Um what are you doing for 4th of July.

Him : I’m headed to my aunts house for a cookout rn, you?

Me : Going to the movies with my mom,dad,sister,brother,baby nephew. Going to the beach with my friends a little later on.

Him : Oh okay sounds good, I might step out later as well

Me : Ok have fun

Him : You to Sweetheart

That’s it anyway I just wanted to touch bases with everyone and ask what you think.