Should I risk reaching out to him

Rose

I was told that this site bans certain words like cussing words really harsh ones i hope that helps

I’m trying to figure out why would he get involved with me then if he’s not sure yet. I heard guys pretty much make there desicion after two months he started it with moving too fast with me first. So I just went along with it not just in a way of sex but that first date he was all up on me. In that movie theater I could tell he liked me the way he looked at me when he thought I wasn’t looking. Leaning all up against me he initiator with kissing me, bringing me to his coaching gig, inviting me to watch him play bb ball with his friends, I almost met his mom during breakfast but she most know of me if that’s the case.

I don’t know if he still has feelings for his ex. Or what’s going on with that I mean come on I made assumption over seeing a picture but if its not true why is she still there. Then on side you have me you see what I’m saying that looks and feels shady.

If he wanted to go slow he wasn’t making a clear indicator of that through his actions. That’s not fair to me at all then he wonders why I’m so upset. I pushed him away in a way he is pushing me away because he all not clear in the head.

It hasn’t been long since my last break up about same time as his..
I didn’t think I was projecting anything on to him from past relationships I felt I was going with my gut. That something didn’t feel right like something was wrong already it turned out it looks like something is wrong. His ex still in the picture going to family events he kept that hidden from me. Haven’t forgotten what it is like in the beginning of a relationship. Its all fun and happy but I felt I could been light hearted and happy. If he would of been honest about how complicated his situation was..

I thought yeah he had a bad break up but didn’t think they we’re talking still. Or on good terms whatever I thought he was totally cut off like me with my ex that exactly how he made it see. That’s not cool or fair I would of told him if my case was like his for sure.

Maybe I was projecting a little but I felt something was wrong..

You said, “He went on told me a long summary how it went down” and that he did that on the first date. Men don’t really talk about their problems. That he shared all that information on the first date tells me he is not ready for a relationship.

From that, there was no way it could go well.

Next time when you start dating a guy, qualify him first to see if he is available for a relationship. Is he happy with himself and his life. If not, proceed with caution.

I’m done talking

Thanks for the advice

Bedazzle has it 100% right. Any man who makes you his sounding board about his ex on the first date, had rebound written all over him.

Ok, mine are mistakes why because I was given false info from him then left to decipher his actions which isn’t cool. His aren’t mistakes to me there dumb a** lies that he knew from the beginng used me as a play toy for his own comfort. Those aren’t mistakes he knows that’s why he’s trying to keep in contact I wasn’t acting crazy. Or over the top I can’t stand people who aren’t considerate of others feelings. He shouldn’t have gotten involved with me period..

Hi Vanessa,
I can see you feel like a lot are blaming you for what happened, but i think most are trying to tell you what i learned from reading up here and on other forums.
1. Google the seven phases men fall in love – totally true. And before they make up their mind around 3 months, they will test to see if you are not too needy etc. I also found that to be true.
2, most guys don’t use women. They like the girl and they desire sex, but that doesn’t mean they are bad guys. If you go along, its a two way agreement, but you have to realize that this is usually not how guys bond. So its a risk.
3. If you tell a guy you feel used, most will be insulted and back off.
4 Guys don’t understand emotional women talk. You have to speak out to a guy what you want, don’t want etc and they will understand that.
5. I think this guy liked you, but you got carried away and saw the future with him in your mind and you wanted him to hurry. He didn’t want to yet, so the fighting started and that’s usually not a good sign for the future. I know what that is,

So, educate yourself on men and dating and things will work out way better for you.

Two things: 1) Don’t be so quick to sleep with a man until you know him, and 2) only watch his actions and draw the line in sand where boundaries are crossed.

Maire,

Honesty no disrespect to you but please stop im not stupid i know there no way a guy can like me fully i know it’s mainly about how look more so than my personality. I really don’t know where the hell made you think i don’t understand that..

It’s comments like that which so upsetting it’s getting on my nerves that’s not what im saying im really tired of repeating it. Guy was attracted to me fine great but if you know damn well im looking for one thing and your looking for another don’t contuine on like it’s something when its not..

Everyone else has there own opinion whether they think that he actually liked me and i got carried away or not i don’t think he ever did like me as a person more so physically because his ex is still in the picture i feel it was more casual then anything he already knew i wasn’t up for anything casual.

Vanessa so I guess he played you..ok so next time take it slow, and don’t get carried away by sex and a little bit of attention. I think you are embarrased he fooled you, and you are projecting youranger on to him. It happens so pull your big girl panties up and deal with it as a woman, and not some high school teenager..and btw, no disrespect either

Hi Vanessa,

I can see where you’re coming from but I don’t think he *did* know all along that he didn’t want anything serious with you.

You’re assuming that he didn’t because you saw photos of his ex at a family party but you haven’t actually spoken to him about it. It sounds like the ex was invited separately to him, as his mum had the photo on her FB page and didn’t tag him in it. She could be a family friend, or it could be that the family are all really attached to the kid. If your guy referred to the ex’s son as his godson then I’d assume that the ex is a friend of the family personally.

He never said that you should take things slow, you did. It was your suggestion in your message to him. He was trying to calm you down and talk to you and help you with your imaginary favour, and even checked whether you still needed help.

OK, he’s not sure yet, but then 3-4 months is the usual time to become exclusive and you’re only 2 months in. You rushed this discussion because you saw some photos, got jealous and made assumptions. That led you to act out of anger and create this problem.

I get it, uncertainty is horrible and it makes me feel on edge too. I am much more sensitive in the early stages, when there isn’t exclusivity and you don’t know where you stand. I think this feeling, coupled with the photos, is what’s causing you to feel this way. I know you’d have liked him to reassure you and tell you it was going somewhere but it’s too early on for either of you to decide that.

I honestly feel that you should apologise for being rude and ask him how he feels about the ex and whether or not she is in his future/what links she has to the family, and whether or not he plans to keep his godson (and therefore the ex) in his life.

I can understand where you’re coming from, It just seems like emotions are running high for you right now and you’re not thinking or acting clearly.

Hi Vanessa-Being cheated on is crappy and painful. That likely explains some of your over-reaction here. The hard thing to do-but you must if you want to move forward-is not confuse a new guy’s actions with the old boyfriend. It is tempting to look for/read into something he says or does that may mean nothing. Be aware yes but try to enjoy things at face value and believe him,unless he conclusively proves he does not deserve it.
You would not want your boyfriend to judge you by an old girlfriend’s actions. Please believe the posters on here were/are trying to be helpful. Really re-read the advice and think more objectivly abput it. As for what to do now-it depends. Either move on if you can’t trust him or feel he does not offer you enough or contact him and ask to start fresh. You don’t need to mea culpa yourself to much to him. Keep it simple-“sorry,I think I mis-judged you and was unfair” Then move forward. Again-I wish you luck/happiness.

Sarah

I’m sorry exactly what did he make clear?

To everyone

So your all saying its on me because I didn’t listen? To his “I’m not sure yet” It wasn’t like I was trying to force him after he told me that it did upset me though..
Because I wanted to know what was wrong but then you guys are saying of course he wouldn’t be sure because 2 months isn’t enough time. An also because of my reactions to him because of my feelings in my gut that something is wrong. Then seeing the pictures I felt like I confirmed my suspicious but now some some of you are saying you feel he actually liked me I made assumptions again. Over the picture with a ex at a family affair with out asking him what’s going on with that..
Well I didn’t want to risk it lol when in my head it seem clear as day. But apparently to you guys I’m wrong I’m not seeing clear day but far clouds instead..