This topic contains 5 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by mama 1 week, 1 day ago.
October 14, 2021 at 12:28 am #928487
Hey girls, so I have a bit of a dilemna because I’m not sure if I should give this guy a chance or not. For context, we were interested in each other for months, but we only became a thing recently after our mutual friends told me that he said he found me attractive. I reached out to him, we started talking, he explained that he didn’t go after me before because he knew I was still underage and in high school. He’s turning 21 soon if that matters. But since I’m 18 now and a freshman in college, we went for it and the rest is pretty much history. We never really spoke about what we are, but I thought it was assumed from both sides that we were just gonna be casually hooking up since I’m in college now so it would be hard to actually pursue something more.
Well, this past weekend we were on the phone and he admitted that he likes me and said he doesn’t think he wants this to just to be hooking up. I was in shock to say the least. After a bit of stuttering on my part, he asked me to please give him a chance. We didn’t talk for much longer afterward and have been exchanging a few friendly texts since then, but nothing about that conversation. I haven’t given him an answer yet. My college is not far from our hometown, only about an hour drive so distance isn’t really a problem. I’m just not sure if he’s for me…which really sucks and I’m not quite sure why. When we first started talking, he never hid himself from me which I appreciate. But these things about him just make me feel like he isn’t boyfriend material, at least not for me. I know he’s gotten in trouble in the past, like I’m pretty sure he’s been in jail twice although I didn’t ask him for what and he seems to change jobs all the time. Even while we were still in our talking stage, I remember this one time he was calling me while he was at a strip club, then during one of our hangouts proceeded to tell me how a stripper fell in love with him…like lmfao. It didn’t bother me much, but honestly, I think it was around that time I was already mentally writing him off as a potential boyfriend. Guys I want to date tend to be those cheeky, class clown types, like my ex who used to make me laugh all the time just by being his goofy self.
My hookup however is more on the serious, brooding side. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a good guy (he’s shown me that in more ways than one), but I don’t think I’m emotionally attracted to him. As in I can’t see myself holding his hand or doing those cute acts of affection I do for a boyfriend. But I don’t know if that’s because I won’t let myself or I genuinely just don’t like him like that. I know opposites attract, but I feel like I won’t be able to relate to him about most things. He works 3 jobs and is trying to get his own apartment while I’ve been spending my first semester of college just figuring things out and partying. I also plan on joining a sorority and doing all these things I feel like he just wouldn’t be interested in. The selfish part of me doesn’t want to let him go because truthfully, I do like him, I just don’t see us working as a couple.
Or maybe I’m just way overthinking and give it a shot? Any opinions from guys or gals would be greatly appreciated.October 14, 2021 at 12:50 am #928496
Emilia, read what you wrote. You already know you’re not interested in a relationship with him but you’re OK with casual sex. You two are not compatible and if you’re about to pledge a sorority and in your first year in college, you’re going to be quite a social butterfly for the next four years. You don’t need a boyfriend right now. You’re in a very different place than he is.
Don’t be selfish. He wants to date you and you don’t see it working. Be honest and be willing to let him find a girl who really wants him. That girl is not you and you know it.October 14, 2021 at 1:39 am #928514
Ur right :(
I guess I am being selfish. It’s just because he DOES mean something to me, so I’ll miss him when I let him go. I was drawn to him pretty much since the second we met which went on for about 7 months before we became a thing. That and he reminds me of home, is a good guy, and someone I would try out dating if the situation was different. Even with the stuff I said that made me write him off as a boyfriend, I could overlook and would have tried it anyways, u know? We barely got to spend time together before I had to leave for school, even planning our hookups was rushed because we were running outta time lol. I could use some advice on how to “reject” him then…because I guess that’s what I’ll have to end up doing sadly.October 14, 2021 at 2:03 am #928519
Just tell him the truth. That while you really like him, you can’t offer more than friendship and FWB because you’re into college life, you’re going to pledge a sorority and a steady boyfriend isn’t on the cards for you for quite some time. Tell him you are flattered and appreciate his interest in you but it wouldn’t be fair to him to get exclusively involved with one guy.
People can deal with being let down with truth and compassion rather than lies or worse, ghosting.October 14, 2021 at 2:04 am #928520
Sorry let me clarify, it wouldn’t be fair to him to say yes to dating him because you know you don’t want to be exclusive with one guy.October 14, 2021 at 7:34 pm #928703
Sounds a little like you are holding on to him like a security blanket. (i.e., he reminds you of home)
Just be honest, wish him well and let him go. Then focus on your new college life.