Serious talk, advices needed


Home Forums Long Distance Relationship (LDR) Advice Serious talk, advices needed

This topic contains 2 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Anderson 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #838307 Reply

    Rosy

    Hello!
    It’s my first time writing a topic here, nice to meet you all! I’m Rosy and I’m in a LDR with a girl in France, while I’m in Italy. I’m 26, she’s 25. She is working, I’m unemployed, I was a flight attendant but covid has ruined all.
    We both knew each other in Germany. We have been dating for about 2 weeks before she left Germany to come back in France.
    After our separation, we have been continuing our dating online, texting and videocalls.
    We have been together almost a year, in which we saw each other 3 times.
    After 10-11 months I started to think about where our relationship is going, what she wants from that, because since we dated, we never talked about anything serious, we just kept texting and planned trips to visit.
    I always think about where this relationship is bringing us, and if our visions are the same, if we are on the same page regarding the “future”, just to know, because this LDR is hard, I ve been putting too much effort.
    This is her first relationship and for me too.
    We both live with our parwnts, but I can relocate and I’ve been studying French from the beginning.
    What do you think about the serious talk? Should I wait a bit more? None of us want LD another 2 or 3 years.

    #839162 Reply

    Ess

    On one of your meetings you may ask her questions like…her relationship and life goals, and if the answers are not in line with your goals you will have your answer. But if they are in line with your answer, you may go ahead and have the serious talk. Maybe she is waiting for you to introduce the topic.

    #839235 Reply

    Anderson

    I want to clarify something. Have you explicitly and verbally acknowledged to each other that this is a relationship?

    Because you say neither of you want LD for another 2-3 years. Which implies… some sort of talk has already happened. If so, I would simply refer to that talk and build upon it whenever you talk to her next. Dont overthink it. When you finish talking about some random topic just go “So I’ve been thinking. Since we mentioned we both we don’t want a LD for the next 2-3 years […]”

    On a slightly offtopic note, I personally have never thought of anything as a “serious talk” even though I’ve had plenty of them. I just casually and straight up talk to people and bring up whatever I want to no matter how dorky or intense. It’s worked well for me thus far *shrug*

    The times I’ve had people (cant remember any partner doing this, thankfully) come up to me and say “We need to have a talk” or “Can we talk about something serious?” and before they have even said any another word I’ve already been largely turned off by the grim tone/setup of it all. Maybe just a me thing. Or maybe there’s something really there.

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