Reconciling after a huge fight with boyfriend


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This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Manjiri 3 weeks, 5 days ago.

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  • #783345 Reply

    Manjiri

    Hello

    Me and my boyfriend had a huge fight and during the fight things got a bit ugly and I said that my boyfriend’s ex was dumb and this infuriated him so much that he broke-up over it. After 10 days Or so I reached out to him and apologized profusely over my remarks but according to him I crossed a line and hence we cannot get back together. His cold response and reluctance to listen to whatever I had to say hurt me a lot and hence the conversation ended. It has been 20 days to our conversation and he hasn’t reached out to me but I miss him a lot and I want to get back together. I just don’t what to do. Please suggest.

    #783346 Reply

    Tallspicy

    Unfortunately there’s nothing you can do. If this is something he was going to end a relationship over that is a big red flag. I suggest you focus on forgiving yourself, and forgiving him. And letting go of the outcome. You already reached out to him and you did it calmly and nicely, just leave him be. You can’t make someone want to reconcile, or capable of reconciling. It sounds like he’s done. I’m so sorry.

    #783347 Reply

    Andrea

    It sounds like he is done. He had likely been considering breaking up anyway, and is using this incident as an excuse to end things.

    It will take weeks, possibly months, for him to cool down enough to where bad memories and feelings about you are replaced with a neutral vibe.

    The only thing you can do is go full no contact, work on yourself and make your life amazing.

    He may or may not return. If he does, enough time will have passed that you see him for who he really is (someone who can drop you suddenly, refuse to accept your apology and not care how you’re doing) and you won’t want him back.

    #783357 Reply

    Lane

    Sometimes words cut so deep or offend another so much you no longer want to associate with them again and no amount of “sorry’s” can undo it.

    When you said that, you essentially called him dumb too, because only a dumb person would date another dumb person. That is how he most likely received it, or that you fight so dirty that whatever you had said was seared and burned in his brain to the point he no longer wants to be around or have any association with you.

    By reaching out all you did is remind him of how cutting or insulting your words are. They are still raw and fresh in his mind and there is no amount of apologies or sorry’s that’s going to fix or change it—the damage is permanently done.

    In the future be careful what you say or how you say it especially during a heated argument as words are intensified 10 times and could be the death knell if they are overly cutting or insulting to the receiver. Take a lesson in this and find healthier ways to argue by not making it personal, attacking or insulting but staying on point to seek a solution or resolution in a respectful manner.

    #783374 Reply

    Manjiri

    Thanks. Your advice and analysis both are very helpful.

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